Day 87, thoughts on introducing sex back into my life.

First off, let me say I'm extremely proud of myself for being able to say I've gotten this far into my journey. There have been a lot of attempts, and a lot of failures. But a year and 7 months later, here I am about to hit 90 days.

I've also been lucky enough to find myself in a relationship with a great girl, and things are currently going great with us. I just made things official a few days ago, and when I'm with her I'm on cloud nine.

I know for a lot of you reading this, this so far sounds like an absolute dream post for you. To read about someone just about fully conquering their porn addiction AND landing themselves into a healthy relationship? What could I possibly have to worry about? What possible thing in the universe could come close to knocking me off this high horse?

As ironic is this is going to sound, the thought of having sex is making me sort of nervous. Let me explain why to put things into perspective: In the relationship I found myself in previously before I discovered NoFap, in the hay day of my porn addicted days, I was tearing myself to mental shreds trying to cope with everything that was going wrong with me mentally and emotionally. I went on a 2 month drug binge, trying to take anything that would numb the numbness (ironic right)? Of course nothing worked as you probably could've guessed, but I hurt my girlfriend at the time due to my actions. And I hurt myself. I've been a slave to my cognitive impairment caused by porn for the longest time, and I've brought myself to hell and back because of it. My mental health is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to me in my life, it comes before anything else.

So the one question I find myself asking is, "Am I ready to have sex again?" Don't get me wrong, my mental health is 10x better since then, but I don't believe I'm FULLY healed. And I just worry if the massive release of dopamine via orgasm while having sex might interrupt this healing process.

Now I KNOW, I KNOW it sounds crazy, I know it sounds paranoid, I know the point of NoFap is to get to this point I find myself at, and I should be celebrating that I see the finish line instead of thinking about how I might blow out my ankle before I reach it. But if you've walked through my shoes and if you possessed my thoughts I PROMISE it would not sound so paranoid. I don't intend on letting these worries stop me from having sex, but I just wanted to hear some thoughts on this, maybe if anyone that's made it through this journey has experienced this or something similar to it themselves.