Day Ninety Report Thursday, July 27, 2017 Introduction Wow! It has been ninety days of NoFap. I began this journey on Friday the 28th of April at 10:00 am and here I am on Thursday the 27th of July. For a while, I never thought that this would be possible. For more than a year of trying, the idea of day 90 was something I wanted to reach but I felt that I never would. For the first time ever in my life, I have made it! I want to take the time to reflect on my past, my journey and give some advice for all of you here. I warn you that this will be a long post but I encourage you to take the time to read this, as you may find it helpful. My Story I am a sixteen-year-old male from Ontario, Canada. I am just like your average Canadian although I do have Asperger's syndrome and ADD (a form of ADHD). I am also a Christian. Some things about me are that I enjoy playing music and exercising. I get good marks in school and I am a good student. I discovered porn around the age of ten out of curiosity. This was about two years before I discovered masturbation. I didn't think really anything of it other than I knew I shouldn't be looking at it since I was so young. I tried stopping but I kept going back to it although there were some points where I did stop. Looking back, I don't think I was addicted yet since I was able to stop at some points. Once I discovered masturbation, that's when I can say I began to get hooked gradually. I found that I couldn't stop PMOing and every time I did, I would feel horrible and swear off of it. Then, I would PMO again a few days later. There were some points where I really wanted to stop badly for physical and moral reasons but I didn't really know how to do so. This cycle continued for a few years up until January 2016. I saw a video from Improvement Pill on YouTube on why people of NoFap became successful. I decided to give this a try but I wasn't really invested so I failed a few days later. I gave up on the idea of NoFap until the next month, February 2016. I had my first streak of eight days which was really impressive for me. I had wanted for a while to just go a week without PMO. Then, I began having much smaller streaks. By March 2016, I finally broke the cycle of small streaks and went on a sixteen day streak. The only problem was that I would look at porn during during that streak without masturbating. See, when you look at porn even without masturbating, you won't get any benefits and you are missing the whole point of NoFap. Anyways, this became my new problem. I was able to go long periods without masturbation but I couldn't stop looking at porn. During this time, I began to have small streaks around eight days in length. Then I had a streak of twelve days which boosted my confidence and was followed by a streak of twenty-five days. This was my highest point until December 2016. These were the golden times. I had great hope during this time. Then began my dark ages. I then had a streak of twenty two days or so and then I relapsed. I then spent months of having short streaks, all of which were more than longer than a week but less than twenty-three days. Every time I relapsed, I would immediately start a new streak. See, after learning from past streaks, looking at porn would count as a relapse. But since I didn't really have this rule well defined, I would often use this as an excuse to PMO since I thought I had already relapsed. I also tried something else during this time that didn't help. I began to blame my PMO addiction on my internet usage in general. If I used the internet or something like that, I would use it to justify relapsing. It's sort of hard to explain now but just bear with me. I then changed something. Around November, I began to binge after every relapse. These dark ages were starting to draw near an end. I knew I wasn't taking NoFap seriously so I thought that bingeing would show me how horrible PMO was and how much I would really hate it. During a binge, I would feel so horrible from the PMO, it was so much easier to be committed to NoFap and go on longer streaks. Initially, I didn't go on much longer streaks but this began to change. By December 2016, these dark ages were over for good. I began to take NoFap much more seriously and I went on a thirty-one day streak that lasted until early January 2017. I really wanted to quit during this time. Things were great during that streak just like I did during my golden age, after all, this was the new golden age. I faced a new problem. After going for a while, I began to feel extremely intense urges which caused me to relapse. These urges were extreme compared to the urges of the past. After this streak, I went on a sixteen day streak followed by a twenty-eight day streak. During this time, I learned that in order to avoid those extreme urges, I had to be fully committed and I had to stay busy. I didn't have time to question NoFap. After that relapse, I hit my second lowest point. On the second-to-last day of my streak, I went to Florida. Initially, the plan was to continue bingeing long after I came back home but I decided to begin a streak while I was there. That streak was very successful and lasted forty days. During that streak, I did many things like go to Cuba and get frequent exercise. Then it all came to an end when I relapsed and I hit my lowest point. I felt so sad and guilty about ending my best streak. I felt so terrible. I had suicidal thoughts. That relapse taught me many lessons including how I never want to go back there.I originally planned to go on a binge longer than a week but I felt so terrible that I decided to give NoFap one final try. I began a recovery journey that brought me here to day niniety. I will talk more about my recovery in the next section. My Recovery The beginning of this final attempt at recovery marked a new chapter in my life and were well documented in my NoFap journal. I began this recovery with a feeling of sadness over ending my last streak which was so successful. I instilled a new mindset. This was not a streak to see how long I could go. This was a recovery to day ninety where relapsing would not be an option. During the first week, I did plenty of research on NoFap to prepare and motivate me for the journey. See, as soon as my streak began, I saw it as a completely new stage in my life. Whenever I did something new or the for the first time since starting my journey, I would celebrate it. It's hard to explain but I began to see this as my rebirth. After a few weeks, I noticed that I had gained weight since the past few months so I began to adjust my diet and exercise more often. I also stopped taking my ADD medication. Many people who go on NoFap notice things that they don't like in their lives and they try to change them. During my recovery, I did many fun things like going on a trip to Niagara Falls and exploring my town when going for runs. I also lost weight and built up some muscle. Most days were good. Things were easy for a while. The days sixty-four to seventy were very hard. I began to have those extreme urges I talked about earlier. I was finally able to silence those urges when I reminded myself that I acted on my urges last time, binged and regretted it. From days seventy to today, it was smooth sailing. What I learned is that I didn't get the hyped "superpowers" that many talk about even though I worked hard to improve myself. I did feel much better and I had better focus and motivation but I didn't become some chick-magnet or anything like that. I still have some social anxiety but I don't think that has anything to do with PMO for me. But I'm okay with that. I wasn't even expecting that. You are still the same person. Nevertheless, NoFap will change your life. You will become a better person, you will feel so much better and you will feel proud of yourself for doing something amazing and difficult. My Advice I have lots of advice for all of you here. I want to start of by saying that I know exactly how it feels to feel hopeless and wanting desperately to quit but not knowing exactly how. Literally, this could be the last time you ever PMO. I mean, no one is forcing you to PMO. It's all you. Anyways, hopefully you may be able to pull out something helpful from my advice. Firstly, before starting NoFap, you need to decide if you are truly ready to embark on this journey. So many people here just keep relapsing again and again. Every time they start again, they are only half bought-in to NoFap. They may be serious about NoFap for the first few days but then they stop caring. If you aren't committed, then failure is almost inevitable. Now this leads in to my more controversial piece of advice. If you keep relapsing over and over, maybe it's time for you to take a break from NoFap. And what I mean is that you binge. Now before you yell and give me heck, I will give you my logic. If you were to binge and watch porn until you feel nauseous, then maybe you won't want to watch porn. See, we all don't feel good for a few days after we PMO. There are scientific reasons for this which Gary Wilson talks about. But if you were to PMO multiple times in a short period of time so much that you feel terrible, you will be less incentivized to PMO anyways since you would have to go back to that. During this time, you would be able to understand why you should do NoFap because the binge will be so awful. And when I say awful, I really mean it. The alternative to this would be that you immediately begin a whole new streak totally unprepared and uncommitted which will be a recipe for disaster. Next, I advise you to have a very clear cut set of rules. My rules were: No touching my junk except for peeing and washing No intentionally seeking anything artificial for the purpose of arousal No consciously indulging in fantasy I began to branch off and create other rules that would fall under these rules. For example under the rule of "no intentionally seeking anything out for the purpose of arousal", I made it a rule that this meant I couldn't look at images of women at all for the purpose of arousal. This way, accidentally glimpsing some porn wouldn't count. Likewise, seeing a woman say on television wouldn't count if I wasn't seeking it out for the purpose of arousal. If you think you have broken a rule but you aren't sure, find a way to quickly respond to it so that you don't use it as an excuse to relapse. As time went on, I made rules for even the small things not even worth talking about. I made no exceptions for myself. I was being very strict on myself and it has paid off. If you don't have a clear-cut set of rules, then how do you define a relapse. Just trust me on this one, you need clear rules. My next piece of advice is that you don't tell others about this. People don't understand NoFap and there is a stigma around this addicted. Recently, I was being attacked on Reddit because someone on a different subreddit saw my comments of r/NoFap. See, I was in a political argument with that guy. Instead of giving me an argument, he said that I was a "deeply troubled child" who should "get help" because he saw my comments on NoFap. He said that I shouldn't "beat myself up over jerking off". Now, I don't care what some anonymous user says to me on the internet but it goes to show that people don't understand NoFap at all. They assume all kinds of things that prove to be untrue. We NoFappers are just regular people who want to fix a small part of our lives. I also don't recommend telling your parents. I never did although I considered it about a year ago. The thing is that it would be really awkward and they can't do much to help. I've seen users who have told their parents only to keep relapsing and still being stuck in the cycle. Next on the list is to get well educated and take full advantage of the NoFap forum. What I did was during the first week was save hundreds of motivational pictures from the Emergency Button to my phone as well as saving around 150 notes worth of NoFap related posts and articles. During the first week, establish yourself on the forum. Take time to get to know others and ask for help. There is nothing shameful about asking for help. Knowledge is a great weapon so learn as much as possible especially during the first week. Read scientific articles, advice posts and watch many videos related to NoFap. There are many good videos in my journal. This video by Gary Wilson is one of the best since it covers all of the science you need to know. Some good websites for resources are: http://bestofnofap.blogspot.com/?m=1 https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php https://emergency.nofap.com https://yourbrainonporn.com/ http://www.90dayreboot.com https://addictedtointernetporn.com/?author=1 https://m.youtube.com/user/SacredSexualityVlog http://fightthenewdrug.org http://theporneffect.com After the first week, I suggest going on NoFap less often. You don't want to become a slave to it and have to rely on it to not relapse. I suggest only checking it once or twice a day, perhaps in the morning and evening. Consider also counting days although this is somewhat controversial. I think counting days are a good way to track your progress and it gives you certain milestones to celebrate along your journey. Some people claim that counting days will make you a slave to them and make your life revolve around NoFap. I would strongly disagree with that. As long as you make your days count instead of just spending time not engaged in PMO, there isn't anything wrong with counting days. Having said all of that, I think that once you have reached your goal of ninety days or whatever it may be, then you should stop counting the days and stop going on NoFap completely. There will be a point where you need to just move on in life and for me, that point is right now. Nevertheless, it's up to you whether you count days or not. I recommend it as a way to track your progress and celebrate milestones but I don't think it will affect things very much. This all leads in to my next point: you need to stay busy. After the first week and all the research is finished, get busy. I highly recommend doing daily exercise. It can be really fun and great for your health. Just make sure you don't overdo it. Basically, get so busy that you don't have time to sit around and question whether you should look at porn or not. The answer should already be no since you are committed and way too busy to even consider it. Idle time is now your new foe. Take this journey one day at a time. This is advice somewhat commonly given but I feel that many people neglect this one. Basically, when you envision ninety days of NoFap, you probably feel intimidated, especially if you are the type that struggles with the first week. When you take it one day at a time, you only focus on the present. You cannot control tomorrow nor change yesterday, so make sure you can control today. If you can get through one day, just repeat it ninety times and then you made it! My final point is do not give up no matter how hopeless your situation may feel because there is always hope. While relapses are not truly inevitable, you will almost certainly relapse and fail many times since your brain will play tricks on you to get you to relapse. I used to be the type who despised failure but now I see failure differently. Failures can actually be a gift. We can learn so much from them. Quick story now about this exact thing. My first exam in high school was a disaster. This was caused by me not paying attention in class and having poor study habits. Ever since that exam, I changed my study habits and I have done quite well since them. That failure served as a kick in the butt to teach me a lesson. The lessons I learned from that outweighed the mark on that exam. Likewise, with NoFap, our failures can teach us many lessons. If you learn from your relapses, you will learn why you relapse and how to prevent it. So no matter how hopeless your situation may seem, just remember that this isn't impossible, it can be done and I along with thousands of other NoFappers are the living proof. Don't give up! Closing Remarks I am so grateful for the support I have received here. It has helped support and motivate me. NoFap has changed my life and I am so grateful for this. Now that I have achieved my goal of getting to day ninety, I feel that it is time for me to leave this community and move on with my life. I don't plan to ever go back to PMO for countless reasons but I feel that being on this community after being recovered will hold me back. I think we should all strive to get to the day where we can say farewell to this community since we have accomplished our goal. I hope the best for this community. It has changed my life. It has made me accomplish something I thought was impossible - quitting PMO for good. I want to thank Gary Wilson for his site and videos because they were so helpful. I also want to thank Alexander Rhodes for founding NoFap. I wouldn't have been able to get to where I am without this. I hope that NoFap one day becomes more mainstream and popular. Anyways, farewell NoFap and thank you for everything.