Day one of a new stage

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Mad Panda, Oct 23, 2020.

Do you have physical blocks and accountablity in place?

  1. Yes

    33.3%
  2. No

    66.7%
  1. Mad Panda

    Mad Panda Fapstronaut

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    Have you ever wondered, when did PMO gain control of my life? When did I lose my ability to say no? It is amazing how, little by little, this beast became the over-powering monster it is today. I think back to when I was shown my first magazine, and then it went to stealing them because I was to young to buy them. This transisitioned into more hardcore magazines, then into movies. Once I joined the military, it was accepted and expected that you would pick up mags and videos openly. Then the internet, O the mighty internet. Now I have access to more materail that I know what to do with. All the while, I maintained that I could quit whenever I wanted to. "I am a man," I would tell myself and "I can just quit this." Now in my early 40's I am still a slave to this monster. Until four days ago when I collapsed under the burden of shame, of keeping secerts, of living a lie. I went looking for a path that would bring an end to the pain. However, through the grace of God, he did not allow me to act on my wish to end it all. He instead allowed me to sit in a fog, pray for forgiveness and accept his forgiveness, then I sought help. So here I am today, day 1 of the 90 day challenage, day 3 without an PMO. To help fight this battle, I downloaded an accountibilty app to my phone, called a friend to confess what was going on, he now gets daily reports on my activiety. For my computer I installed a blocking extension, set the settings, and now I cannot open any of the old pages that I found false comfort in. Here's to a new way of living, 1 Chronicles 16:11, "Seek the Lord and his Stregth; seek his presence continually!" I know the pain of failure, of quiting for a few days or weeks or even a month then crashing back into PMO. How I could justify looking at models that almost showed everything and say "they're not naked," so it is ok. This would lead to looking for more images and more; then I was pages deep giving in and justifing the action with whatever I could come up with. My wife is mad at me, we haven't been together in weeks, I had a stressfull day at work and need a release, and the list goes on. However, I had never taken steps like those taken now to rid myself of this monster. I had never asked for help. I always assumed that I could "do it on my own." It is not possible to quit this addicition alone. I could not even stop chewing tabacoo on my own, so what made me think that I could do this on my own. So today, I rest in the God, but knowing that this fight is long from over and not without some pain and suffering headed my way, but I take comfort in this verse, Psalm 23:3, "He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." I hope that as I walk through this journey, I will make new friends and will be able to help others later on as those have help me today.
     
    Oliver Gunter likes this.
  2. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to this community! If you haven't already, make sure to introduce new good habits into your life, like working out, eating healthy, meditating, cold showering, reading books, playing an instrument. I wish you all the best!
     

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