Day Zero

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by UndoButton, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. UndoButton

    UndoButton New Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fapstronauts,

    I’ve been aware of this community for years and always related so strongly to the stories I lurked on. After I relapsed I had to make an account, to commit myself to finally quitting PMO for good.

    As a guy in his early 20’s and addicted since his early teens, I’ve tried and failed countless times to go on hard mode. I used content blockers, phone notifications, a handwritten journal. None of them prevented me from eventually relapsing. I have gone from PMO every day in my teen years, to a few times a week as a college student, to about once a week as a senior about to graduate. The reduction in my libido is terrifying. I have little to no desire to date anymore. I hope rebooting can address this, naturally.

    I was diagnosed with clinical depression my freshman year of college, but deep down I knew that it was me who was literally altering my brain chemicals through PMO. Meds didn’t help- that was a big sign to me that my mental health was actually within my control.

    I sought out all kinds of self-help, some of it stuck. Jordan Peterson’s lectures in particular, they changed my life. For periods at a time, I was able to quit PMO. Three weeks, a month, maybe a month and a half. Then something would happen. I get rejected at a party. A girl I like ignores me, or we have an argument. I screw up in class or on a test. And my brain would resort to PMO as a coping mechanism.

    I have to rewire my brain if I want to succeed, is what I’ve learned. My motivation and focus are so much stronger when I’m abstaining. My social skills feel like they’re boosted somehow, everything just flows. And I think that person, the one who abstains and reboots, is the real me. And that for years, I’ve killed him with PMO, suppressed my real self.

    How many years before I can quit for real? So far, almost a decade hasn’t even been enough.

    Dopamine does not equate to happiness. Drugs are addictive and destroy lives, and porn is a drug. It’s time I started treating it like one.

    I apologize for ranting, just had to get some of that shit off my chest, especially post-relapse.

    Onward.
     
    BurgerChamp and Ray_of_Sunshine like this.
  2. Ray_of_Sunshine

    Ray_of_Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    Welcome and I hope you can find good support here :)
     
    UndoButton likes this.
  3. UndoButton

    UndoButton New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the warm welcome. We’re in this together!
     
    Ray_of_Sunshine likes this.
  4. Musicmad

    Musicmad Fapstronaut

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    Hi and welcome. It seems like you have a real desire to self improve even after hitting these barriers. That counts for a lot. Good luck on your journey
     

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