Day Zero

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by UndoButton, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. UndoButton

    UndoButton New Fapstronaut

    Hello Fapstronauts,

    I’ve been aware of this community for years and always related so strongly to the stories I lurked on. After I relapsed I had to make an account, to commit myself to finally quitting PMO for good.

    As a guy in his early 20’s and addicted since his early teens, I’ve tried and failed countless times to go on hard mode. I used content blockers, phone notifications, a handwritten journal. None of them prevented me from eventually relapsing. I have gone from PMO every day in my teen years, to a few times a week as a college student, to about once a week as a senior about to graduate. The reduction in my libido is terrifying. I have little to no desire to date anymore. I hope rebooting can address this, naturally.

    I was diagnosed with clinical depression my freshman year of college, but deep down I knew that it was me who was literally altering my brain chemicals through PMO. Meds didn’t help- that was a big sign to me that my mental health was actually within my control.

    I sought out all kinds of self-help, some of it stuck. Jordan Peterson’s lectures in particular, they changed my life. For periods at a time, I was able to quit PMO. Three weeks, a month, maybe a month and a half. Then something would happen. I get rejected at a party. A girl I like ignores me, or we have an argument. I screw up in class or on a test. And my brain would resort to PMO as a coping mechanism.

    I have to rewire my brain if I want to succeed, is what I’ve learned. My motivation and focus are so much stronger when I’m abstaining. My social skills feel like they’re boosted somehow, everything just flows. And I think that person, the one who abstains and reboots, is the real me. And that for years, I’ve killed him with PMO, suppressed my real self.

    How many years before I can quit for real? So far, almost a decade hasn’t even been enough.

    Dopamine does not equate to happiness. Drugs are addictive and destroy lives, and porn is a drug. It’s time I started treating it like one.

    I apologize for ranting, just had to get some of that shit off my chest, especially post-relapse.

    BurgerChamp and Ray_of_Sunshine like this.
  2. Ray_of_Sunshine

    Ray_of_Sunshine Fapstronaut

    Welcome and I hope you can find good support here :)
    UndoButton likes this.
  3. UndoButton

    UndoButton New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the warm welcome. We’re in this together!
    Ray_of_Sunshine likes this.
  4. Musicmad

    Musicmad Fapstronaut

    Hi and welcome. It seems like you have a real desire to self improve even after hitting these barriers. That counts for a lot. Good luck on your journey

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