Daydreaming/ Fantsizing

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by nofap528, Feb 23, 2016.

Do you daydream daily?

  1. Yes

    90.9%
  2. No

    9.1%
  1. nofap528

    nofap528 Fapstronaut

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    Most of this post is some context and history, TLDR at the bottom. Hey there, do you guys have any tips on how to stop daydreaming and fantasizing? Whenever i'm in class or anywhere, I always create atleast one or more false situations or fantasies, and in an unhealthy amount of time is spended doing so. As far as the context of these fantasies some are about sex with maybe a girl from class or in the gym or on the bus. Some are just regular childish daydreams. Its really been like this for as long as I remember, even before fapping. And its something I notice is not good for me. There are instances when someone is talking and I literally just zone out like that thousand-yard stare thing. Anyways thanks for reading and any advice is appreciated.
    TLDR: How to stop fantisizing/daydreaming.
     
    skylar_legit likes this.
  2. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    This is one of the current problems I'm tackling. It's a runaway tool of the mind.

    For example, I am an avid weightlifter. I found that if I spend a dedicated amount of time imagining performing a lift, the feeling of it all, the muscle recruitment, how much weight it will be - my performance is improved within a normal range. Say I'm benching 225lbs for 5 reps. If I visualize it the day before and before the workout I might get 6 reps; or, I might do 5 reps, but with perfect form! It can be a form of grounding. So, first I wanted to illuminate a use. This is a situation, where the outcome is known. I know I can lift that weight anyway - without the visualization.

    Now, the tool gets misused in situations where I project some fantasy where I have no control of the outcome. I used to do this a lot with females - still do a lot but less the more I stay aware of it. I meet a girl in a class and when I'm bored, generally before bed, the fantasy movie roll starts rolling. This is no good for me because the real life situation is not equal to the fantastic situation. As the reality/fantasy conflict becomes more apparent a low level of anxiety associated with the ego arises, reinforcing the idea that "I cannot make plans with women/ I cannot attract/date women I want". A more accurate thought would be "the fantasy does not match reality".

    Awareness of it is a good first step. The second step is constantly cutting the movie reel when you catch it. The third is killing that aspect of the ego through mediation. Does it ever go away completely? Probably not. Is less time and mental energy wasted on it with a little effort, absolutely. Is it worth it? Yes, because it improves your wit. Quit wit is important to me because its a form of improved social skills, like faster conversation reflexes. The less fantasizing, the faster you can respond, the more accurately you can respond, and with a greater selection of responses you can respond.

    A very useful book on this is the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.
     
    skylar_legit and TotalLifeChange like this.
  3. TotalLifeChange

    TotalLifeChange Fapstronaut

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    Very good point @Mr. Sir , I would take it even further though.

    Maybe you mentioned it already or it is implicit in your message but I didn't get it free and clear so in that case I'll just repeat it in a different light.

    You can actually visualize a "fantasy" like when in class with a girl you like, or really, any situation you want to experience, and "force" the feelings and emotions you want to feel into that situation.

    The goal is that the visualization(feeling) process will lead you to actually feeling those feelings in real life.

    It is a disciplined process. It's not like you can get to it right in the first session of visualization. Maybe it'll take days or weeks to start feeling those feelings you want to feel for a few seconds, because it is a process where you have to first be aware of your current situation, your current internal states, and then progressively, swap them for the new ones.

    I know this can seem weird, and the line between doing what I said and day-dreaming randomly is very thin, and as you point out, we have to be aware of it and don't go there. But I'm telling you, from first-hand experience, it's getting me to much faster development in general than the "old" process of goal setting and then motivating myself to pursue that goal.
     

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