Daygame (UK).. does it work?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Daviesmark1, May 26, 2021.

  1. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I just wanted to get people's opinions on daygame- specifically in the UK.

    I understand this is something that works well in the US but, as someone from the UK, people here are far less open to being approached in public out of the blue.

    COVID has also made approaching more of a complex issue (people being scared of you going near them etc).

    Day game is something I have been considering for a few months, I'm just unsure if it's a good thing to do.

    Usually, I would meet people on nights out in clubs/bars but I obviously haven't been able to do that in over a year and my main period of going out doing that sort of thing has now passed.

    I'm 22 years old, still virgin, but have got with girls on nights out and even brought two back in the same week (late 2019). Didn't have sex first time as stupidly forgot to buy condom, second time the moment went.

    Even when clubs reopen, I'm now at the age whereby work is becoming more intense and I have more responsibilities compared to when I was 18/19. My friends are also in a similar position, which has made me question the best way to meet girls.

    I have tried dating apps like Tinder and have limited success, I just don't think it works too well for me. I have always been someone who is a bit old fashioned, so I'd rather meet people in person than on an app.

    My social circle consists of two/three different groups, but there are only so many people you can meet through friends of friends. One of the girls I saw for a few dates previously was through a friend of a friend but you are limited after a while unless you are able to form an entirely new friendship group.

    My concern about daygame is it could be considered creepy and, I have read about women reported guys doing pick-up for harassment.

    I just want to meet people and see where things go. Am I best off trying daygame out or would you recommend joining a local club/group?

    I tried this method a couple of years ago with a running group and ended up moving in with a girl to share a flat. Although I had hoped it would lead to more of a serious relationship we just ended up as friends but I guess that kind of shows you can get to know people in this way.
     
  2. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I have been doing it. You can see some results/scripts of it in the '100 cold approaches' thread.

    It can be done, but don't expect much and it's not for the faint hearted.
     
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  3. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Fair enough. Out of interest, where are you based when doing this?
     
  4. I’ve done it a few times, London based, and it really isn’t a done thing based on the reactions I’ve gotten. Some girls visibly look stunned that a stranger is opening dialogue with them.

    Then again, the women in my social circle say they get hit on by strangers regularly so it seems like it depends on how pretty the girl is. I reckon the hottest girls get approached loads as they would in any other country.
     
  5. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    West Midlands. Small Town and small city and a few in Birmingham.

    The gals in Brum were unfriendly and angry though when I approached less hot ones, they were easier to talk to. As depressing as it is to approach women you aren't attracted to (fatties and ugly girls) I would actually recommend starting that way to build confidence and conversation with stranger skills.

    Depends how attractive you are of course. I'm unattractive and awkward so I have no place approaching anything over 7 (though I have done this a few times).
     
  6. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Do both, and get yourself a dating profile too. There is no right or wrong way to meet someone, just be open to the idea and friendly.

    I personally wouldnt recommend hanging around a shopping centre bothering women all day like a salesman - although it might help your confidence and getting over being rejected once it has happened a few dozen times - just live life get out and about and meet people and if you see someone you like be prepared to approach them before the moment has passed and it becomes awkward.

    Needless to say, be friendly to older women, men, etc too - you are aiming to be the friendly guy who talks to everyone, then when you strike up a conversation with a girl in the queue at the cafe you are just doing what you do with anyone - except that this one is super hot.

    If you cant do it without it being awkward, stick to dating apps & social groups etc. But give it a shot for a while.
     
  7. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Yeah good call. The thing is, dating apps are a huge time suck and don't develop any skills. And relying on social groups is unreliable since there will likely be a small pool of available women in any group. Once you've joined the writing club and realised there is one cute girl there who friend zones you...then what? Join a new club? It's still a ton of trial and error.

    Cold approach is not something you want to rely on completely but it's a necessary item in your dating tool box in 2021.

    However, I have noticed that woke culture in the UK with progressive feminism makes dating here pretty difficult. All women see themselves as either actual or potential rape victims, 'used' as objects by barbaric men. Though these same women are 'empowered' by taking slutty photos of themselves and posting them on social media. It's just messed up and deranged. I don't think you really have a chance unless:

    1. You are 8/10 or over looks wise or

    2. You have some profile with something like DJing/playing in a band/teaching a language that gives you a chance to meet women while displaying a high level of social value.

    Cold approach is really just desperately scrounging for a scrap of something. But it's better than giving up entirely. Plus unlike internet dating, even when it fails you are gaining transferrable skills to help you out in other areas of life.
     
  8. @Daviesmark1 @Kowe @fredisthebes It’s all about perception, though I think there’s credence in your description of cold approach as scrounging. Let’s be honest, unless you’re movie star smooth with your approach, the most attractive women aren’t going to give you the time of day and you’ll be lucky to get a fake phone number, let alone a date. Even closing semi-attractive women will be a tall order.

    The best way to consider cold approach is as a means of enhancing your communication skills and confidence, whilst being completely independent of outcome. It definitely shouldn’t be considered as a primary means of meeting a potential girlfriend.

    All the guys in my life who are successful with women do so by displaying social value online. Unfortunately, having high value pictures and a considerable number of ‘followers’ is the only surefire way to success in the dating scene these days. The worst thing about that is it’s hard to be something you’re not, so creating that online ‘ideal’ is difficult, which I guess explains why it’s attractive in the first place.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2021
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  9. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I said something similar in my post.

    You can read my results in another thread but so far I have done 91 approaches, received 6 numbers and been on 3 dates.

    It's a LOT of work for what you get out of it. However, it is also intrinsically rewarding. So even if you don't get the desired outcome, you get side positive outcomes just by doing it.
     
  10. I can definitely see why it would feel rewarding, even if success is a rarity. It’s also one of the hardest things in life, and that’s why most people try to justify not doing it, just as I appear to have done. Much respect anyway, 91 approaches is some feat.
     
  11. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    There is a great benefit to doing things that frighten you. How intimidated will you feel about asking a friend of a friend or a work colleague or a girl you met online for a date, if you have built up the courage to cold approach dozens of girls in the middle of the day?
    Just dont be a creep about it, you never want to intimidate or hassle a girl, and always take rejection with good grace (even if she is nasty about it. Just move on to the next one. Its no bit deal, at least, it shouldnt be).
     
  12. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    99% of women will reject you without looking twice. Is this a reason to give up, or is this a reason to put the work in, make the effort, and get out there, so that the next time a hot woman that you have a chance with comes through town, she will go on a date with you?
     
  13. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I regualarly do cold approach so I'm not sure why you're trying to persuade me to do it.
     
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  14. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    I'm also interested in cold approach, thing is, just like many guys I poop my pants when just thinking about doing it. I'm just too nervous for that stuff. Personally, I already feel rejected before even trying. But that's probably a self-conflict thing. Sometimes I do wonder though if it's something that needs to suit your personality or if it's just a matter of experience, and numbers. Because my personality in real life is rather shy and self-conscious. I feel confident that I could do anything, it's just the social situation thing I seem to have issues with.

    I'd start with lesser attractive women, but I feel my inflated ego, compensating for my lack of social confidence is in the way. It would feel like I'd be talking to someone way below what I could be getting and dating. I know I'm not ugly, I'm not fat, not stupid, so what the hell's the problem?

    Sorry to hijack the thread. Though I'm sure plenty of men struggle with similar issues.
     
  15. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    A lot of men do. I would even say most. Approaching women is a scary thing to do, rather unnatural. But in order to reach the point that you are talking naturally to someone, that you are no longer shy and awkward and no longer strangers, you need to cross that threshold. You can do it online these days - i met my wife online - but that raises other issues too. It isnt necessarily easier to date women you meet online, although it is less scary.

    You are overthinking it. Talking to women is just talking, being friendly. Talk to everyone, older women, fat women, men even. You need to get over the social construct that it is weird or unnatural to start talking to people that you dont know yet. And how to do it without being q creep. If it goes well, you can decide not to stay in contact or just be friends or whatever, and you have still had a pleasant interaction with someone.
     
  16. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Good for you! I replied to you but was aiming what i said at the OP, or anyone else who cares to read. Sorry for the confusion.
     
  17. josedelamuerte

    josedelamuerte Fapstronaut

    I'd go with this. Learn to be talkative with strangers in general, then go about your life doing things that interest you. I've hooked up with girls a bunch of times just striking up a conversations at a show/festival/gallery/bar - and I wasn't there looking for love.

    As for the online dating - my experience says: don't waste your time. As a guy the odds are stacked so far against you that it will dispirit you more than anything.
     
  18. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all the replies, really appreciate your input!
     
  19. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    I noticed my desire to get a GF (35, single all my life) has grown so strong I immediately notice I want to push it far beyond a friendly conversation. I hardly ever talk to strange women because it feels terrible to notice that when I do, I notice I become desperate and needy. I'm terrified she will notice that I am insecure and that it will turn awkward or into the slightest form of rejection. I'm indeed definitely overthinking and trying to act and feel more instead. But it's just so damn hard to fight that desperation and just act 'normal'. My inner self is screaming out for someone to love me.

    As far as online dating goes.. it's very difficult to stop going back to dating sites and apps. Obviously caused by desperation, at my age these companies KNOW they've got you in their grip because it's a very difficult age to find someone and they will exploit your wallet, and you will pay. I'm also strongly under the impression women around my age don't go out much anymore, and most have settled or are single moms with kids, and some may even have given up and/or choose to be single. I'm a bit of a 'case' myself but just like anyone other men I just want to be with a mentally healthy, good-looking woman.

    All I'm able to find are the 'leftover' women that you find on dating websites and apps. And again, I'm not ugly at all, not dumb, educated, but I am a bit of a tripple tied knot mentally. At my age the bulk of people are building stability in their lives, financially and career-wise I am far behind. That sh-t gets to you, especially when you see close ones settle and have it 'all'. Sometimes I think the only way to get a decent younger woman (because of fertility) is to become wealthy. I know plenty of ways to make money, even aside of a regular job. If only I knew how to push through and not give up, and overcome my mental issues.

    Because let's be honest, financialy 'stability' IS important to women, even if they say they don't care, it still is. You want your kids to grow up in a good neighbourhood, go to a good school, and I would actually want to care about them, which becomes harder when you struggle to make ends meet (because it brings along its own frustrations that could affect your children mentally). Aside all that, you want to have a life for yourself and be able to enjoy it.

    I TRY to tell myself I don't care about 'success'. But I have a competitive though gentle character, I simply can't stand it when someone is doing better than me. This is my achillesheel, and sometimes I wonder if I'm not better off using it to achieve success, no matter how shallow it sounds.
     

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