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Dealing with Guilt

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 3, 2020.

  1. Dec 3, 2020 #1
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    Has your consumption of pornography led to deep feelings of guilt? It certainly has for me. I just don't want to feel like I'm alone in that experience of guilt. I want to rid myself of it.

    Part of it has to do with something that I did recently. I watched a Youtube video series produced by one of the porn stars that I used to get off to constantly when I was in the throws of my addiction. Her life seemed so tragic and I felt that I had enabled it somehow. It just made me realize how terrible this is for everyone involved, and how we use these people so selfishly even if we never actually meet them.

    I understand that reconciling this emotion will not be easy, and it is something that I confront and question every day I am blessed enough to say that I've been clean. But I know that watching that video series makes me feel like I will never watch pornography again.

    But, basically I created this thread because I know that to deal with this addiction is to deal with feelings of guilt. I encourage discussion and of course support. Let's remember, that if we are here that means we are all on the same team.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 3, 2020
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 3, 2020
    #1
  2. Dec 4, 2020 #2
    Alcuin

    Alcuin Fapstronaut

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    I’m new to the NoFap life. I feel incredibly guilty now, and I did when I engaged in PMO, but my senses were dulled. I do not know if I am emerging from the fog yet, but I have hurt my wife, and for that I feel terrible. Knowing that I’m not alone helps, and feeling confident that I can overcome the addiction also helps.
     
    Alcuin, Dec 4, 2020
    Alcuin, Dec 4, 2020
    #2
  3. Dec 4, 2020 #3
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    The senses can no longer be dulled, and I think that is a good thing to feel these emotions even though it can be painful. I hope that you can do your part to fix your relationship.

    Something that I'm learning is that abstaining from PM/PMO will not just solve all our problems. In many cases, they reveal to us deeper things that were going on which we were not dealing with.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 4, 2020
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 4, 2020
    #3
    DannyMalibu likes this.
  4. Dec 4, 2020 #4
    Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    I get it. I'm religious, and ever since I got hooked to PMO, I experienced feelings and thoughts of guilt. Other times, religion has nothing to do with guilt, sometimes, it's just looking at women in the eyes after PMOing, it makes me feel like I consider them just an object for sexual pleasure.

    One of the most recent overwhelming feelings that I experienced was a documentary that I saw about a serial murderer who had killed hundreds of women. Something that really scared me was that he said, that most men who had issues like him, were deeply involved in porn.

    After watching that, I felt incredibly scared and disgusted at myself for supporting the porn industry.

    However, even though we might experience these kinds of feelings, we can't be so pessimistic. We also need to feel proud of ourselves for being willing to engage in NoFap, most people don't do it. Feel happy every time you see your streak increase one number or break a new record of no PMO. One day clean means a day in which your brain rewired from PMO.

    From my experience, I can tell you that shame and guilt might lead you to relapse, so try to be optimistic and positive about your addiction. If it wasn't for it, you wouldn't have realized that you need to work on yourself, and there are thousands of people who never worry about improving themselves. They keep themselves in this terrible comfort zone, but now you're different, because of porn addiction, you want to improve yourself, get out of your comfort zone, and kick the world right in the butt.

    Cheers!
     
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 4, 2020
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 4, 2020
    #4
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  5. Dec 4, 2020 #5
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    This is such a great way to find the opportunity in the challenge. There is certainly pride that I feel in undergoing this, but not so much pride that it distracts me from the actual work that lies ahead.

    Are you talking about that monster Ted Bundy? I saw an interview where he talks about that too, it is so scary to watch that.

    I'm glad that I never got into watching dark/abusive/violent P - and pray for those who've watched that stuff that they stop immediately and get help.

    The benefits of this abstinence is innumerable and there is no going back for me. Best to you and your journey!
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 4, 2020
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 4, 2020
    #5
  6. Dec 4, 2020 #6
    Pizzer

    Pizzer Fapstronaut

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    I noticed that after 2 weeks of abstaining (currently 3 weeks I think?), I had a flood of all kinds of emotions, and a huge amount of guilt. Mostly because I basically dragged my girlfriend into my kink, when it didn't come from a place of intimacy, or love.

    I will say though, it's nice to have feelings, as men we're conditioned to think that they're bad, unmanly, gay, whatever, but man it feels good to know that I'm capable of feeling love, empathy etc, because for a while there, I genuinely thought I was a psychopath.
     
    Pizzer, Dec 4, 2020
    Pizzer, Dec 4, 2020
    #6
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  7. Dec 4, 2020 #7
    Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    Peter.Parker10, Dec 4, 2020
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 4, 2020
    #7
  8. Dec 4, 2020 #8
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    It is so disturbing. I think it goes without saying, but this thread is not about anything like that.

    I more want to talk about the feeling of knowing that we've wasted time and years that we really won't get back and of course the strain and warping of relationships is a big part of that. Knowing that we degraded ourselves in this process of being consumed by the addiction. That is something that I would definitely otherwise feel bringing me down. But in this new iteration of my recovery, I'm focusing a lot more on how I want to optimize my life and raise my standards to transcend those feelings of guilt. They come and go, and really a lot of this is about letting go of that which you cannot control and being effective and present with the time that we still have left.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 4, 2020
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Dec 4, 2020
    #8
  9. Dec 6, 2020 #9
    DannyMalibu

    DannyMalibu Fapstronaut

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    Wow what a perspective. Sounds solid to me. Might as well turn on the lights so we can see the monster that were around and porn and PMO is kinda like the darkness.
     
    DannyMalibu, Dec 6, 2020
    DannyMalibu, Dec 6, 2020
    #9

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