Dealing With Loneliness

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Lucca, Nov 15, 2014.

  1. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    I think one of the big things that fuels my addiction is loneliness - like sometimes even when I'm with people I feel like I am very alone in everything almost. I don't know how to deal with this. My self-confidence is pretty low, I don't like who I am. I know those are the things I need to fix, but I'm not sure how to.

    Thanks,

    - Lucca
     
  2. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

    I'm sorry to hear that. I get pretty lonely sometimes as well. What do you do with your free time?
     
  3. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    Since I'm a student I don't have much free time, I'm pretty much doing school work constantly, so there isn't much distraction. I guess I probably don't spend enough time with people. But tonight I was, and I still just feel so disconnected from everyone. Feel unwanted.
     
  4. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

    All work and no play will make you feel like a prisoner in your own mind. I would try to make some free time if at all possible ... take up a hobby or two. Get outside ... exercise ... do ANYTHING to get your mind in something other than work. I get super depressed if I don't get any free time to do something enjoyable. That works for me, anyway. Exercising helps me the most. It makes me look better, people compliment me, girls notice me more, and it helps boost my self-confidence more than anything else that I do. Also the positive effects of exercise can't be understated.
     
  5. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Fapstronaut

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    Trust me Lucca your not alone in this fight. I myself deal with self confidence issues from time to time also. What I recommend is staying here and talking to and reading different posts. Also get involved in some sport or exercise to boost your self confidence. Plus, since your on the nofap forum so I applaude you for wanting to stop your addiction! I'm rooting for you!
    Au revoir
     
    M_U3 likes this.
  6. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouraging words guys, I really appreciate it, its been rough. I think I am to busy, working out would probably be awesome if I can get myself to do it. Man do I want to break this addiction, there are so many positives. I'm rooting for you as well!
     
  7. fapstradamus

    fapstradamus Fapstronaut

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    I've been there my man. You need to take a big step forward and say fuck it. I don't mean give up. I mean say fuck it to what others think. In 10 years, the people you surround yourself with now will most likely be small blips in your distant memory. Live for the now, fuck the rest. You want to learn to paint? Start painting. If you suck at it, who gives a fuck? It's about living the life you want to live with no self imposed limitations. That's the key to happiness. Doing what you want to do without self inflicting judgement upon yourself and subconsciously becoming too scared to even try something new.

    Wear your loneliness like armor. You're alone with no one. Who are you going to lose by trying something different then? You see my point. Grab the bull by the horns, flip him over, and kick him in the fucking nuts. LIVE LIFE!

    I'm out.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2014
    Heráclito likes this.
  8. Dan-

    Dan- Fapstronaut

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    I don't even have to say more. He's fucking right! Don't care about what other people think and live for the moment! Stopping this addiction is a big step foward. Keep going :D
     
  9. Odd Thomas

    Odd Thomas Fapstronaut

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    Loneliness is the pandemic of the modern age man! Pretty much everyone is lonely even if they don't admit it! There are tons of people who are married and have kids and feel soul-crushingly alone!

    That's the worst kind man! You have your youth and your freedom and your life to look forward to!

    DON'T HOLD OUT HOPE FOR MEETING THE RIGHT FRIENDS OR THE RIGHT GIRL. If you enjoy where you are right now as much as possible and live in the moment you're gonna kick ass! And when you win at life, good people naturally are drawn to you.

    IT'S ALWAYS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN IN BAD COMPANY. And there's more and more bad company to be around every day.

    I agree with what's been said! Do ANYTHING different! Get out and do something! If you can't manage that, put it in perspective - life is ups and downs all the way through, and BOTH of them will always come back around to lift you up or bite you in the ass!! But when you're down remember it's just for a while.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ7WJYHK3zU
     
  10. Warrior01

    Warrior01 Fapstronaut

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    I would like to write something to you Lucca but I'm feeling the exact same way. But this post just helped me a lot, we should do whatever we like and is good for us, being student is hard, but what's the matter with take some minutes to practice the sport or the hobbie you like?
     
  11. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I think you gusy are right - I need to make more time for myself, and especially to enjoy life in the now. Odd Thomas, thanks for the song, really lifted me up. I might buy that album
     
  12. CommittedtothePath

    CommittedtothePath Fapstronaut

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    It is ok to be lonely :) You can turn your loneliness into serenity by living in the present and finding fulfillment out of beautiful things you hadnt fully appreciated before. YES go and exercise. YES study what you actually ENJOY. YES do something you feel like doing that YOU CAN DO AND IS GOOD FOR YOU alone. Those who learn to turn loneliness into serenity are the most successful in overcoming addictions.
     
  13. iwanttobemyoldselfagain

    iwanttobemyoldselfagain Fapstronaut

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    I understand loneliness... I've been there. What worked for me was CONSCIOUSLY trying to avoid being lonely. I'm a student too, and honestly we have no time for anything apart from studying. So I started studying with friends, and it has really worked for me. I've met more like minded people by complete accident. So put yourself out there, make more friends and see if it drives away your loneliness.
     
  14. trustuuwin

    trustuuwin Fapstronaut

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    I am on the same page Lucca and i am doing the below things and feeling the changes on me.
    Keep extending your circles just don't always stick with one group if you don't like them- more good people your form, more interests and activities you develop.
    Try to stay busy - Volunteering, Racquetball, tennis, running,meditation, relax music.
    Add more hobbies in your list.
     
  15. endofolding

    endofolding Fapstronaut

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    I am also a loner, live alone, don't have my soulmate / sexual partner (sadly), have only few friends or people I talk to (except colleagues), and enjoy my being alone and doing things alone. I don't know what it means feeling socially alone because I prefer social isolation. Emotional and intimate loneliness is much harder to cope with, that's been a long term problem, life in forced celibacy. I like the company of lonely people, but I've noticed all those other loners have problem with it, they'd prefer not to be socially alone, and I can barely help them with it.

    Being with others and feeling away from them -- that's one of the things that bothers many in loneliness. Emily White has written so nicely and thoroughly about it in her book "Loneliness. A Memoir". She also has a blog. I am still reading the book, it's fascinating, and helps understanding myself and others better.
     
  16. elmechanico

    elmechanico Fapstronaut

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    Fake it till you make it man. Force yourself to be with people. Talk about everything. Just talk, don't think. Either they will befriend you or they won't, what's the worst that can happen? I guarantee you, they don't give a fuck about you.Nobody does(except for your family and so on). Stop caring what other people think.
     
  17. EinsDrei

    EinsDrei Fapstronaut

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    I feel the same way. I feel like I have a lot of friends in terms of acquaintance (everyone knows me, and we talk and stuff), but I do not have any genuinely close ones that share my interests and understands me. I do not know what to do; I am succeeding academically and have a ton of time.
     
  18. elmechanico

    elmechanico Fapstronaut

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    It's simple! Get a hobby! Whatever you do, there will be somebody who does that activity and boom you have something in common! Just talk them up and once you know them ask them if they want to hang out/get a drink/do some activity. That's how you make friends. You have to get yourself out there
     
  19. endofolding

    endofolding Fapstronaut

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    I have to say that it's not as simple as that. I am interested in too many things and I have to leave most of them. I'd rather have just few to deal with. And even if I can find others who do these things, it won't take away the inner feeling of loneliness or being away from others. Or my need to be alone in my case. Those who have this as a problem really have a problem and this cannot be changed so easily because it means changing the whole person, but those who have it temporarily or accidentally, they can easily use the advice you gave. Looking for real life contacts certainly helps minimising the time spent alone, but I have to say that for me, I would feel like a clown if I would do such things. That's how I feel about it, nothing personal, no offence. I personally have looked for my spouse because that's what I've really needed, just one person for lifetime. Now I've abandoned even that idea as an illusory one. I feel this is much bigger loss (or failure, or destiny) than losing all friends altogether, and it has left me socially even more isolated than before.

    There is different type of loneliness and your energetic advice certainly helps some :) By the way, I also don't care about if some people may think negatively of me. I prefer this not happening, but if happens, then it happens, and life goes on.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2022
  20. elmechanico

    elmechanico Fapstronaut

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    I don't know how else to put this so I'll just say it. Man up! Be a man!
    There's nothing wrong with being introverted but if your loneliness is all you think about it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Start lifting weights, it will help you. Check out "The Strangest Secret" by Earl Nightingale(it's on youtube) and do the program. If you spend all your day bemoaning your lack of your "spouse" you will never meet her
     

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