Dealing With Loneliness

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Lucca, Nov 15, 2014.

  1. Razielcreed

    Razielcreed Fapstronaut

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    it comes from a thought where you don't have a gf/love/partner etc , start socializing more in the aim of becoming a leader , when your a leader you feel like everyone is there for you even if you don't have a gf ,you feel like that guy who everybody wants to hang out with because he's funny and very open-minded , try aiming to become that guy , i feel lonely sometimes , it's healthy man , human being feels the same emotions of other human beings no one is different , no one is can be positive all the time , life's is about balance man .
     
  2. endofolding

    endofolding Fapstronaut

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    Well, loneliness is not what I think all of the time, I just shared my thoughts about it and things related to it. But I do bemoan about my lack of spouse because that is so tragic, I've already done what I could to find him. It is also related to the topics. It will just take time to get over it. Maybe I should shut up until I am over it. I don't lift weights, but I do go swimming which I'm going to do right now.

    "The Strangest Secret"? Have never heard or it, will check out later, thanks for the suggestion!
     
  3. Rising_up

    Rising_up Fapstronaut

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    Guys I am on the same page with you on most of the things you all said
    No gf, no satisfying relationships, bored etc
    In recovery we need to focus on improving ourselves so that we don't need or want to escape the present
    We are addicted to escaping the present by pmo, alcohol and all that crap .
    And we must deal with Loneliness otherwise same story continues over and over..
    I found some very good videos on YouTube by Noah elkrief
    He's an author and his videos are very helping
    Check out his all videos they may help you
    The two mentioned below are specifically titled for dealing with Loneliness



    How To Stop Feeling Lacking and Worried About Being Single (Stop Feeling Lonely)

    http://youtu.be/ped3iyyquqk


    How To Deal With Loneliness... Right Now

    http://youtu.be/5QNZLOkZfgk

    Good luck
     
  4. welmwerth

    welmwerth Fapstronaut

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    Hey Rising_up, thanks for the video links. I think I'm able to connect with what Noah is saying and it sort makes sense to me.

    I'm going through these problems too - being lonely, not liking myself and needing to get away through things like pmo. It helps to know that I need to look after myself, appreciate myself and not expect happiness from someone else, or somehow happiness will appear just because I'm in a relationship.

    All the best to all of you.
     
  5. ronin667

    ronin667 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Lucca,

    I can relate to your problems; I've also had them, as seemingly many others on this forum do:
    Low self-esteem, having a hard time connecting to other people (or even getting to know any), and subsequently loneliness.

    And there's advice like, "man up", "get a hobby", "force yourself to be among people", stop worrying about what others think, etc. I've heard advice like this uncountable times, and though I appreciate the encouragement, I'm sorry to say that, in my opinion, it's not helping.

    I don't know you, Lucca, but from what you write, I guess that your problem is very similar to mine.

    I think the key to the problem is self esteem. You write that you have a low self confidence, you don't like who you are.
    If, as I guess, you are like me in this respect, then you somehow feel inferior to other people. Deep inside you always think you have to prove yourself before others, but are unable to do so because you think you're not good enough.
    The more you get used to the feeling that being alone equals being secure from being judged or viewed in a negative way, the more you start to like being alone - you become a loner.

    The thing is: If you don't like yourself, you don't see any reason why anybody else should like you.

    For that reason, you'll always "feel unwanted", as you put it, regardless how many people you force yourself to be among, and regardless how many acquaintances you get through hobbies etc.

    If someone doesn't like him-/herself, then there's nothing an average person can do about it from the outside.
    If you say you like them, they will always doubt that you're sincere.
    They'll always find a way to belittle their own success.
    You can tell them to quit worrying about what other people think of them, but that's useless because the real problem is what they think of themselves.

    If you are someone who always fears that other people might hate you or make fun of you for what you say or do, then in reality you are projecting your dislike for yourself onto them.

    So, my advice is: The first thing to need do before following any of the other advice is to learn to like yourself. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to do that.

    EDIT: Actually, advice like "get among people", "don't worry what others say" etc. really does have some good value, because figuring out why it's not working gave me a lot of insights.
     
  6. engeneer0x0

    engeneer0x0 Fapstronaut

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    hi try this test , it will tell you who you really are ( maybe ) and you will show you ,your strength and weakness and this will help how to deal with anything
     
  7. elmechanico

    elmechanico Fapstronaut

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    I am not 100% happy with my self either but I have no confidence issues. In fact, I'm very confident around people
     

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