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Dealing with Premature O vs PIED

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by BBWolf000, Dec 28, 2017.

  1. BBWolf000

    BBWolf000 Fapstronaut

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    Hello!

    I feel like its more common to find people in the forums that struggle with PIED, and while premature ejaculation might be considered an "erectile dysfunction", I just haven't found much discussion about how PA/SO's have dealt with this during or after their reboots.

    I've tried to implement Karezza, with some success, but have found that my urge to go right away hasn't really subsided. I'm certain that finishing quickly has been reinforced by my 20+ years of compulsive M, where guilt often caused me to want to M, clean up and get back to life as quickly as possible.

    Thoughts?
     
    Rob_B_ and Bestfootie1 like this.
  2. Yeah man same here. Just started seeing this chick and can't seem to hold off. Pretty sure that's why she lost interest in getting together again. I need to get drunk to last longer then 2 min...its been like that's as far as I can remember. Not sure if it gets better....im guessing the less anxiety and depression, the better.
     
    Bestfootie1 likes this.
  3. Perfectlyuncharged26

    Perfectlyuncharged26 Fapstronaut

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    This worked for me:-

    Buy delay spray. Use 2-3 sprays just on the head as this is the sensitive bit that causes PE.

    Encourage real relationship(s) and sex. Your penis will hopefully naturally adjust to do what G-d designed it to do.

    * Give it 3 - 6 months of no PM.
    * Use reliable delay spray for first month. Few sprays max or you'll feel nothing and won't be able to get hard.
    * Watch your penis naturally adjust once it gets off the PM crack-cociane destruction.

    Let me know how this works for you!
     
    Deleted Account and BBWolf000 like this.
  4. Lol crack-cocaine destruction...thats a good analogy. I'll try that man thanks.
     
  5. It's horrible for me as well.i masturbated since past 15 years and tried to come as quick as I can.the sensations and contractions I liked very much.But over the years ,my mind and body learned it to come quickly.Meanwhile,when I started watching P and masturbating ,I used to come even without touching sometimes.Now I'm in a relationship ,I never had sex but me and my gf cuddle, caresses and feel each other in touch.most of times,I ejaculated without doing or done much.i sometimes get frustrated and feel like doing nothing.sometimes I hold better as well.but over all its not satisfying.
    Hope it'll get better as much as I try to connect with my going to be wife.
     
    BBWolf000 likes this.
  6. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    I think that's an interesting point, never really thought of that before, never connected my premature O and my PM habit... but now that you mention it, it does make sense. With PM, most of the time I was focused only on reaching my O as quickly as possible (I've never been one for edging for hours on end). Whereas in sex, I want to make it last as long as possible (well, most of the time, at least - there is something to be said also for the occasional quickie! ;) ), only I can't. So this is another part of my system that I need to, and hopefully can, rewire as part of my reboot. Thanks for helping me understand that.
     
    BBWolf000 likes this.
  7. BBWolf000

    BBWolf000 Fapstronaut

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    I definitely think it can be changed with continued effort and commitment, but yes, this is another hurdle that stands down the path for us recovering PA/SA's!
    I feel you on this one! It really makes me feel inferior as a man/lover too which quickly becomes fuel for my inner critic and self hater. Recently I've been trying to verbally remind myself that sex is about 2 people; not just my needs of the moment. I think the more and more we create some space between the momentarily dominating feelings of sex and our sustaining desires for connection and wholeness we will find more control over our PE
     
    Jennica and TooMuchTooSoon like this.
  8. Omnitron310

    Omnitron310 Fapstronaut

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    I feel you man, I have the exact same issue. I'd been masturbating to porn for almost ten years before my first (and still current) sexual relationship, and I didn't realise how much it had completely screwed me until me and my girlfriend started having sex. I can barely last 30 seconds going at it properly and I only get properly, fully hard momentarily right at the point of orgasm. At first I thought it was just nerves about losing my virginity, pressure to perform, etc, but as it persisted more and more I was forced to confront the fact that there was a deeper issue; namely porn.

    I think it all depends on your experience with porn. Some people watch it for hours at a time, constantly touching themselves but never Oing until right at the end, and that's got to condition you for DE. But in my case and yours, we always did it as quickly as possible (I had little privacy in my house growing up so I always had to get my 'business' over with quickly to avoid the embarrassing situation of someone walking in), so that's got to conversely condition you for PE, right?

    There are physical techniques and training regimens you can do to help with PE, but I think a huge part of it is psychological, and that's the part that porn messes with. And of course, once you've had several unsatisfying sexual encounters, that just reinforces and amplifies the shame, embarrassment, and nervousness that fuels the PE even more.
     
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