Dealing with Toxic Shame

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by primaljade, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    I'm currently reading "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and realizing how much shame/anxiety has affected my life and is probably *the* underlying core of my addiction.

    NoFap enabled me to really feel the shame I have, and I'm unaware what the most effective way is to deal with it. This book suggests NLP, childhood meditation, 12 steps, and variety of things to do, including groups that are a bit "out there" for me.

    Question for the group:
    What have you done to address the issue of shame, and what was most effective to cure it for you?
     
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  2. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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  3. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    Hey what's up dude! How are things? is there something that is making you feel sad? Such as an embarrassing moment or is it negative thinking that
    is more generalized?
    I hope things are going well for both of you and know that life is going to get better. Stay strong guys!
     
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  4. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

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    I started going to Sex Addicts anonymous. It was there that I learned about shame/guilt hyperloop of self destruction. Shame is a huge part of the fap cycle and it fuels and propagates the problem.

    One motto of SA is "From shame to grace." If one can interrupt or pause or fragment the shame thoughts that guide ones impulses, the loop and cycle can be broken down. Even though I relapsed after 6 months of no MO, the shame was miracuosly gone. I felt none. Removing one's shame complex is an integral first step in making progress in this terrible addiction.
     
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  5. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    No one particular thing. A bunch of minor things and few moderate ones. Generally I believe I have good self esteem, but after going on NoFap, and a really bad week, I realized just how bad underlying shame is going on. @PornFreeMe is right on about the shame cycle.

    I'm quite familiar and understand how shame is affecting my addiction, the question I ask myself is how do I get rid of it. I just went to and addiction group meeting, and will be visiting a couple others to see what the best one is for me, and then identify other self-work practices that are recommended from the book.

    I plan on making posts for things that help me the most.
     
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  6. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    awww man I'm sorry to hear that. Also, something that isn't mentioned a lot on the forum, the emotion melancholy is very common during rebooting. I think randomly feeling sad or shame is a way your brain recovers. ybop has articles on the way rebooting changes your brain. I like to think that the random negative emotions and thoughts is your brain trying to trick you into pmo again, especially if it's melancholy or not with a specific reason. Going to a group is great because a trouble shared is a trouble halved. I hope you know that things are going to get better. Stay strong and keep at it!
     
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  7. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    Ive been dealing with this as well, I was able to really relate to this thread
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/longer-term-rebooters-paws.77241/
    Maybe you guys can as well?
     
  8. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    I've never been that far along on my streak:emoji_pensive:. This is actually my record! I mean I've had more days but it was complicated.. Also I feel like I fought temptation a lot more this time. Feeling stronger and when rough times come again, I hope that I can follow through.
     
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  9. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    I don't think u need to get to those high numbered days to experience it. I think it can happen earlier, I had similar things come and go around the 20s.
     
  10. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    oh yeah for sure! Rebooting sucks but it's worth it
     
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