Dealing with what we have little control over

Hi everyone,

Those of you who have been here for a long time probably remember me, I was quite active in my postings this previous summer in an effort to beat PMO. I come back to NoFap today out of humility. Last year I began NoFap in a desperation of wanting this terrible thing of porn (P) and masturbation (M) out of my life, forever. Many of you have joined NoFap for similar reasons that stem off that reason. Whether it is sexual health, PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction), religious reasons, or just because of the challenge. All of which are without a doubt, are nobly and just reasons.

After I joined NoFap I began a huge push for a "one-and-done approach," which many found extraordinarily helpful and others thought aggressive and disrespectful. My intention of returning is dual fold. Firstly, I have done countless hours of research and studying of PMO, and secondly - because I am still struggling and failing.

After I began NoFap the first time, I went about 80 days while using NoFap as a crutch to get through PMO, hence why I believed in the "one-and-done" approach. Until I hit a wall which knocked me off my feet. I relapsed after 80-some days of success, boasting of how approaching it that way made it much easier, and it did. I began to tapper out of the NoFap community, I was ashamed at my failure. But I have learned so much since then, of which to help with my own recovery and aid others I hope to be much more active in the forum for the months to come.

See the truth is, over the past 6-or-so months, I have done a pretty good job with PMO. A few relapses here and there, but I thought nothing of it. However, because of my desire to quit PMO I began rationalizing and justifying looking at gay porn images and gifs through imgur. Now I need the community, I am so hurt and so saddened by my continuous allowing of these lustful desires to control my life. Instead of masturbating of late, I have allowed myself to look at the aforementioned P, and after a minute or two of pure arousal, I just cum.

My message to leave today for the NoFap community is to keep fighting. I know it sounds easier to some and more difficult to others, but we know that PMO is not healthy. The original intent of this movement was purely a "challenge," but little did we know that it actually is leading to much more tangible and arguably very important information on sexual health. For those of you have not relapsed since trying, I implore you to do EVERYTHING in your will power to not allow that. The mental effects of worthlessness you feel when relapsing can be devastating, your journey becomes so much easier with the "one-and-done" approach. For those of you who continue to relapse like myself, I understand your pain, misery, hurt, and ultimately your shame. We as humans were not meant to overcome anything alone, that is why the NoFap community is so powerful. As individuals we are weak, but as a community, we are powerful. I look forward to working side by side with you guys in an effort to kick addictions for good.

I get married in 65 days. Originally I set out on this journey to put a legalistic amount of days between me and when I proposed to my girlfriend at the time. Clearly, that did not work. Then I made up other rules. But frankly, rules were created to point out sin, a thing I believe points us to God. But a legalistic approach to PMO will never work. i am attacking this full force, right now, because I am messed up. Years of PMO have harmed and conditioned my brain. I want to do everything in my power to be the best man I can. A major portion of that includes being able to be faithful to my fiance and spouse, of which porn will never allow me to do.

Until my next post. Thank you all for reading.

-8Bit

 

The "one-and-done" approach is something I used on my first round with NoFap. Largely it was hugely successful and helpful for myself and many others. However, it has massive limitations. The whole idea is founded under that the more we allow ourselves to relapse, the more we "normalize" that relapsing is an okay and inevitable thing. So the idea was be prepared to give every ounce you can on your first try. Install blockers, have accountability, post frequently, use every resource you have to set yourself up for success so that essentially when you start the program, is the last time you will start the program. I advocated that it goes as extreme as not allowing yourself to lust period, at anything. Fighting every urge. The difficulty with it is the massive amount of required attention to not letting your guard down (where I failed after 90 some days) and a high will to succeed. For many people it will never work. But for some, it is a way to fully commit. It's like the approach of "not holding onto anything," you burn anything porn you have. Get rid of it. Well the "one-and-done" as I call it, is just getting it right the first time. Why and how do you do this? You use the momentum and desire of not wanting to put yourself through relapse, guilt, and the agony that comes with continuously struggling with this for years with no success. It certainly is hard. It by no means is effective for everyone. But those who are just starting, if they put their minds to it and be prepared to commit it all, it can be a huge help.

EDIT: The more you relapse, the easier it is to continue to do so going forward. It then becomes acceptable in your brain.

 

Change is certainly not something that can happen over night. Just like many things, change is a process. Often a long and length, miserable, but rewarding and strengthening process. Thank you for reading! Hope the reason you are here at NoFap is being fulfilled.

 

It worked great for me the first time, which is the only time you can truly approach it that way. However, I got overly cocky, gave up on things I shouldn't have, and let my guard down, which led to a relapse around 100 days. Hind sight, I wish I never had given those things up. I probably would have saved myself enormous time, hurt, and over all be a lot further along in my journey.