Decided to tell my wife about recent nofap attempt

JustADude

JustADude

Fapstronaut
I am 17 days into my recent no-PMO attempt. My wife knows I have a porn problem, but the previous 2 times I brought it up to her (8 years ago and 5 years ago) she did not want to discuss it. And each time, she was upset for a while.

The lesson I learned from the first two tries was that I should just keep my PMO problem to myself. Besides, my main reason for confiding in her was for my own selfish benefit, I wanted to feel better by getting my dirty big secret off my chest.

For my current attempt to quit porn, I decided to keep my efforts on nofap to myself. I couldn't come up with any good reasons to let her know.

17 days of no PMO and I can't keep my hands off my wife and I can't stop thinking about her. At first my wife appreciated the extra attention. But, then she started getting confused why my behavior had changed all of a sudden. I won't bore you with the details and everything she said this morning, but I decided to come clean, so that my weird behavior would make sense to her.
 
Hey
JustADude said:
I am 17 days into my recent no-PMO attempt. My wife knows I have a porn problem, but the previous 2 times I brought it up to her (8 years ago and 5 years ago) she did not want to discuss it. And each time, she was upset for a while.

The lesson I learned from the first two tries was that I should just keep my PMO problem to myself. Besides, my main reason for confiding in her was for my own selfish benefit, I wanted to feel better by getting my dirty big secret off my chest.

For my current attempt to quit porn, I decided to keep my efforts on nofap to myself. I couldn't come up with any good reasons to let her know.

17 days of no PMO and I can't keep my hands off my wife and I can't stop thinking about her. At first my wife appreciated the extra attention. But, then she started getting confused why my behavior had changed all of a sudden. I won't bore you with the details and everything she said this morning, but I decided to come clean, so that my weird behavior would make sense to her.
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Hey @JustADude What was her reaction? I hope you can find in her the support you need and she can find the anwers she needs to understand al this. I also hope this gets both of you to a better place in your relationship.
 
JustADude said:
I am 17 days into my recent no-PMO attempt. My wife knows I have a porn problem, but the previous 2 times I brought it up to her (8 years ago and 5 years ago) she did not want to discuss it. And each time, she was upset for a while.

The lesson I learned from the first two tries was that I should just keep my PMO problem to myself. Besides, my main reason for confiding in her was for my own selfish benefit, I wanted to feel better by getting my dirty big secret off my chest.

For my current attempt to quit porn, I decided to keep my efforts on nofap to myself. I couldn't come up with any good reasons to let her know.

17 days of no PMO and I can't keep my hands off my wife and I can't stop thinking about her. At first my wife appreciated the extra attention. But, then she started getting confused why my behavior had changed all of a sudden. I won't bore you with the details and everything she said this morning, but I decided to come clean, so that my weird behavior would make sense to her.
Click to expand...

Same with my wife! She knows about NoFap though, and even though I have the higher sex drive she appreciates the attention.

Although she probably doesn't believe I can go that long without masterbating, she thinks it's normal for men to watch p0rn and she watches it herself on occasion.
 
Hmmm. In one sense yes you could say it is normal but if the women is a perfectionist then she might not be able to have compassion and see the opportunity. In another sense porn is not normal at all at all. I have told my fiance that I am doing NoFap but she does not know I am using this support group to help.
 
Wow. That is exactly my experience with my wife. We have been in a "she knows, but not really" mode for some years. The two times I was caught by leaving a browser open or whatever were (obviously) very hurtful to her and involved a lot of anger. Same lesson learned (keep it to yourself). And I agree that confession is more about me wanting to feel better than about her. But then when I attempt to get healthier, there are some symptoms - emotional or sexual or whatever - that seem completely out of the blue to her. In other words, she is used to my addicted self. My trying to be better self is unfamiliar to her. Good luck and I hope you get good support from her!
 
This is a big subject and there are multiple threads about it on this forum. It's good to search for them and read about the partner's perspective. I learned a ton and it helped me with my recovery too.

Key is to take our partner's emotions seriously. They feel hurt, then they are. They feel like a victim, then they are. They need support? Support them. Don't judge or expect anything from them.

Whatever the situation, you do need to talk because if you don't, your partner will imagine your story. And that story is nasty, wrong, and a trap door under the trust we build relationships on.

Talking means describing the problem now, in detail, talking about how it started, what you thought and how you felt about it, what you read about it, educate your partner about the theory of PMO addiction (they don't know) and your plan to combat your addiction. If they want to, let them read the nofap forum and your nofap journal.
Scary. It will make matters worse but only then, real healing can begin.
 
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