Delayed Ejaculation - Psychological Considerations

Optimum Fortitude

Optimum Fortitude

Fapstronaut
NoFap Defender
Does anybody suffer from DE or has had DE and cured it?

I've had DE forever. I can't O from PIV. I can O from BJ but only by forcing it, sometimes for a while. I can O from HJ too but it takes a while.

It's really as if there was an invisible mental chain that won't break. I just can't seem to be able to "let go". And when I do let go, it's like my orgasm takes forever to come to the surface from the depths of my body. It's just weird. When I'm alone I don't have a problem.

My D is definitely desensitized and I use deathgrip but I feel like there is a very serious psychological component.

I had phimosis and had my frenulum removed last year. It didn't solve the issue so I was circumcised at the beginning of this year. It still hasn't solved my DE problem. I consulted my urologist who told me that I need to do a sex therapy because from a physical perspective my dick is fine.

Any advice? I'm considering taking L-arginine or L-citruline. I was taking those in the past but honestly I don't know if that really works as it's more for erection strength (I'll never turn down on opportunity to be at 100% though). I'll also start applying vitamin E-oil daily. I used to apply shea butter which was really nice for regeneration of the skin but vitamin E oil is easier to apply.
 
My suggestions...

Healthwise

Vitamin B12, B-complex (niacin, thiamine, etc.), zinc, selenium, and perhaps magnesium would all be good supplements--especially the B12. However, most B12 supplements come in the form of cyanocobalamin and are next to useless. If you can, get methylcobalamin. That's more expensive but many times more effective. Studies have shown that 98% of cyanocobalamin just exits the body via the kidneys within 24 hours--and that includes even the injectable form.

Avoid alcohol--known to slow down the nervous system. Avoid caffeine, which will prevent you from relaxing.

Mentally

Relax. Don't worry about things. Lay aside your stressors before sleeping. Turn off your phone and/or keep it away from the bed. Focus on her.

If you have a willing partner, she can massage/stimulate your legs/calves, nipples, etc., involving more of your entire body in the experience (it's not just women who benefit from this).

Physical Preparation

Get some exercise during the day well before sleeping, with some sunshine, if possible. Sunshine will stimulate vitamin D production which helps one to relax.

NOTE: If you have been vaxxed for COVID-19, do NOT exercise heavily, especially for the first six weeks after the shot. Strenuous exercise after the vaccine may be fatal because the vaccine induces blood clots (for more on this, find videos of Dr. Ryan Cole online), and the exercise will force the clots into circulation. DO take extra vitamin E by mouth, for its anticoagulant properties, and vitamin C for its antioxidant and antitoxin properties.

Take care of yourself!
 
Optimum Fortitude said:
Does anybody suffer from DE or has had DE and cured it?

I've had DE forever. I can't O from PIV. I can O from BJ but only by forcing it, sometimes for a while. I can O from HJ too but it takes a while.

It's really as if there was an invisible mental chain that won't break. I just can't seem to be able to "let go". And when I do let go, it's like my orgasm takes forever to come to the surface from the depths of my body. It's just weird. When I'm alone I don't have a problem.

My D is definitely desensitized and I use deathgrip but I feel like there is a very serious psychological component.

I had phimosis and had my frenulum removed last year. It didn't solve the issue so I was circumcised at the beginning of this year. It still hasn't solved my DE problem. I consulted my urologist who told me that I need to do a sex therapy because from a physical perspective my dick is fine.

Any advice? I'm considering taking L-arginine or L-citruline. I was taking those in the past but honestly I don't know if that really works as it's more for erection strength (I'll never turn down on opportunity to be at 100% though). I'll also start applying vitamin E-oil daily. I used to apply shea butter which was really nice for regeneration of the skin but vitamin E oil is easier to apply.
Click to expand...

It’s good to see you again, man!

I wonder, could the pelvic floor (too much or too little tension) play any role in this? I know that for some guys even everyday stresses (nonsexual) get held down there, and sexual function can be affected. But I am no expert on this.
 
Marshall 5 said:
It’s good to see you again, man!

I wonder, could the pelvic floor (too much or too little tension) play any role in this? I know that for some guys even everyday stresses (nonsexual) get held down there, and sexual function can be affected. But I am no expert on this.
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Good to see you too Marshall, long time no see.

Yea I thought about that too. Guys with PE usually have no control over their pelvic floor muscles but in my case I think I have too much control over them because of all the edging and also anxiety. Need to relax that area somehow.

WildEntheology said:
It honestly depends on how long you've gone without any masturbation. I think being with a girl can prolong it if she is jerking you off to aggressively, but you're trying to acclimate to her stimulation and so it won't negatively affect it too much. It definitely will, but it'll be negligible. So point being, if you want to continue being with women it shouldn't be a huge problem.

After that, it really could be psychological. Doing progressive relaxation techniques can help a lot like @Marshall 5 suggested. Also, you're likely way too focused on it while you're with her. You need to learn to let go and just get into the moment. Stop caring so much if you cum, and instead focus on the pleasure you can give her. Get into it, let yourself lose yourself in the moment, be a little animalistic. Just get into your body and out of your mind as much as you can.

Sex is far, far more about the journey than the destination. When you have delayed ejaculation you become so preoccupied with the lack of a destination that you completely forget to enjoy the journey. This is often enough the exact reason you can't get to the destination. By focusing on the journey, whether you finish or not, will help you actually finish. If you cum, perfect. If you don't, perfect. Either way you are having a good time.
Click to expand...

That's good advice, I need to stop thinking about orgasm as the goal. I have anxiety about it for sure.
 
Optimum Fortitude said:
Does anybody suffer from DE or has had DE and cured it?

I've had DE forever. I can't O from PIV. I can O from BJ but only by forcing it, sometimes for a while. I can O from HJ too but it takes a while.

It's really as if there was an invisible mental chain that won't break. I just can't seem to be able to "let go". And when I do let go, it's like my orgasm takes forever to come to the surface from the depths of my body. It's just weird. When I'm alone I don't have a problem.

My D is definitely desensitized and I use deathgrip but I feel like there is a very serious psychological component.

I had phimosis and had my frenulum removed last year. It didn't solve the issue so I was circumcised at the beginning of this year. It still hasn't solved my DE problem. I consulted my urologist who told me that I need to do a sex therapy because from a physical perspective my dick is fine.

Any advice? I'm considering taking L-arginine or L-citruline. I was taking those in the past but honestly I don't know if that really works as it's more for erection strength (I'll never turn down on opportunity to be at 100% though). I'll also start applying vitamin E-oil daily. I used to apply shea butter which was really nice for regeneration of the skin but vitamin E oil is easier to apply.
Click to expand...

This sounds like one guy I worked with, in the beginning he only could ejaculate by masturbating. What's your biggest struggle towards DE right now?
 
TantraMan said:
This sounds like one guy I worked with, in the beginning he only could ejaculate by masturbating. What's your biggest struggle towards DE right now?
Click to expand...

Well, I cannot orgasm from penetration and it takes a long time from BJ or HJ. Like I said, it's like something invisible is "blocking" me from releasing my orgasm. I don't really know what it is but probably I'm just too anxious and can't relax enough.
 
Optimum Fortitude said:
Well, I cannot orgasm from penetration and it takes a long time from BJ or HJ. Like I said, it's like something invisible is "blocking" me from releasing my orgasm. I don't really know what it is but probably I'm just too anxious and can't relax enough.
Click to expand...
I had it earlier this year and cured it. I discovered I had it when I lost my virginity, I barely felt anything during penetration making it nearly impossible for me to orgasm, and I felt absolutely nothing from BJs - I could only orgasm from very fast HJs and even that took a while.

I cured it within 1-2 weeks by:
- Using lube or lotion every time I fapped
- Using a loose grip every time I fapped (other people recommend fleshlights, but I couldn't be fucked to get one and I still succeeded anyway)
- Limiting fapping sessions to only 5-15 minutes when I gained enough sensitivity to do so (I use to edge for hours)
- Limiting how much I fapped (tried to fap as little as possible, but ended up being once every 2 days on average)
- Watching as little porn as possible, and when I did, I only watched really light stuff (like solo nudes, bikini pics, etc.)

From doing this, I can now have sex just fine. I can orgasm in just 3 minutes or less from PIV if I want to now (and I can also stretch it out to 15+ mins if I so please). This is what worked for me, I wasn't strong enough to just do straight nofap so I'm not sure if nofap is any better than this strategy - people on reddit claim nofap doesn't do shit for DE while others claim it cured them in 1 week - a few months. Goodluck dude.
 
Optimum Fortitude said:
Well, I cannot orgasm from penetration and it takes a long time from BJ or HJ. Like I said, it's like something invisible is "blocking" me from releasing my orgasm. I don't really know what it is but probably I'm just too anxious and can't relax enough.
Click to expand...

Anxiety always plays an important role in sex, it could make sense, otherwise, there could be some other factors. How does DE affect your relationships?
 
Im telling you the thruth: I had ED all my life, and I had a normal orgasm when I took of the condom and had sex without it.

Not the best advice, but is real, condom has a lot to do with this issue.
 
Hi, I have this issue on and off however if you do a long streak of NoFap it will go away completly and if it comes back it will take less time of NoFap for it to go away.

My advice to you first is to do 40 days of no PMO (and no sex), its a challenging long time but it will cure you. Secondly to relax while having sex and to stop thinking about the orgasm as a goal. Just enjoy the experience. Hope this helps.
 
Optimum Fortitude said:
And when I do let go, it's like my orgasm takes forever to come to the surface from the depths of my body. It's just weird.
Click to expand...

That's an interesting way of describing this.

I think I do have a similar experience.

First, I too deal with a desensitized dick: I can't remember the last time I had a "spontaneous" or "uncontrolled" orgasm. Like just doing whatever I was doing without necessarily aiming for the orgasm, and have it happen. I *always* have to force it. To focus on it very strongly and have everything be just right, channel the right thought, etc. And then, when I finally reach a point where I feel the ejaculation coming, it can take many more seconds for it to actually happen. It's like I slowly feel some pressure building and building and goddamn sometimes I fear it just won't happen.

As others have mentioned, it might have something to do with the pelvic floor. I for one have had to do some physiotherapy to try and release my "hypertonic" pelvic floor.
I've seen some temporary improvement but I'm not being very diligent (like not at all) with the most important exercise, which involves sticking a finger in your butt and pulling on the side to stretch the perineum.....
 
Pirlo23 said:
Hi, I have this issue on and off however if you do a long streak of NoFap it will go away completly and if it comes back it will take less time of NoFap for it to go away.

My advice to you first is to do 40 days of no PMO (and no sex), its a challenging long time but it will cure you. Secondly to relax while having sex and to stop thinking about the orgasm as a goal. Just enjoy the experience. Hope this helps.
Click to expand...
Do you give this advice because you got successful by doing so?
 
TantraMan said:
Do you give this advice because you got successful by doing so?
Click to expand...

Yes, it took me 41 days of NoFap and no sex. Having sex while suffering from delayed ejaculation is painful and can lead you to relapse. If you have a partner it's very important to tell them why you are abstaining from sex, since it can have a negative effect on a relationship. Communication is key.

The time depends on the person, for some people it takes only two weeks (14 days), for my case which was severe it took longer. I wish there was scientific/medical literature on this in order to understand why this happens and why it is different for everyone.

All I could find when I started was this https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...healing-delayed-ejaculation-de-or-anorgasmia/

It made me realize NoFap is the only cure for delayed ejaculation. It's tough but it works.
 
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Hi All,
Finally I decided to come to terms with my problem...and yes, I have been suffering from DE pretty much for my entire life. Can't O from PIV. Like never. Only by my own hand. Surely death grip played a bad role too. I believe one thing led to another. I am married and I really want to have children, so this was the trigger for me. I realized that my condition is not right and I had to do something about it.

It was pure luck to find this community (and by surprise, I would have never imagined so many people are experiencing the very same issues...I wonder how many there are still out there...these are problems that I believe have been underestimated for way too long).
Anyway, I am already on day 4 without PMO. After having read several success stories (and, in any case, improvements).
My question is the following (probably many people already asked): is having intercourse a helping factor while nofap or can it make it worse?
 
Day 15 without PMO. Today I had sex with my wife and still I did not manage to O from PIV. Nevertheless I felt much closer to her and my sensations were definitely more intense. I take into account that I really hate to stop for a moment and wear a condom; until that moment it was really great. Who knows, maybe without it it could have happened...anyway, still not there, but improving. It's tough sometimes (you realize how much we are exposed to sex in the media only when you try to keep your mind off of it!) but I feel I am on the right path.
 
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Pirlo23 said:
Yes, it took me 41 days of NoFap and no sex. Having sex while suffering from delayed ejaculation is painful and can lead you to relapse. If you have a partner it's very important to tell them why you are abstaining from sex, since it can have a negative effect on a relationship. Communication is key.

The time depends on the person, for some people it takes only two weeks (14 days), for my case which was severe it took longer. I wish there was scientific/medical literature on this in order to understand why this happens and why it is different for everyone.

All I could find when I started was this https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...healing-delayed-ejaculation-de-or-anorgasmia/

It made me realize NoFap is the only cure for delayed ejaculation. It's tough but it works.
Click to expand...
I agree that having sex while rebooting is tough. I am quite suffering today. Anyway as painful as it can be, I believe that at a certain point things will work...I mean, if there is no MO and no O from PIV at all for a long time, there must be a moment when you cum from PIV like in 2 seconds, a man cannot hold the sperm forever, it just does not seem physically possible to me...but maybe I'm wrong. I read some posts about using a fleshlight + lube to retrain your dick / brain to a more "vagina-like" sensation (I would say this is to cure death grip). What do you think? In my mind, the real thing with a woman sounds the best to retrain your body and reboot.
 
Aaaaand I hit flatline as well! I thought that after 19 days it was not gonna happen, but at the 20th here it is. Incredibly weird feeling. It's like being immune to the opposite sex, completely numb. My brain is completely relaxed and not even close to fantasizing. You see a girl (a real one, let's be clear) and you barely feel anything, crazy!
Also, it's true that I had some involuntary night pollutions, so that could be another reason why I feel so different and estranged today. Nevertheless, if this is the situation, it's actually helpful to my goal. I consider it a totally good sign of my recovery process, could really be a turning point.
 
Time to write a success story. On day 41 it finally happened, I managed to O from PIV, for the very first time in my life. It happened in a very spontaneous way, on vacation, after a truly wonderful day. It was without condom (Honestly it all happened so fast I did not even have time to stop and wear it) and I did not have one thought on my mind, truly living the moment; at the end, a sense of relief which is hard to describe.

The following morning we tried again, with condom this time; sensations were still very intense, but somehow it did not happen. I guess that (again) I sort of focused myself too much on the final goal rather than enjoying the moment (although I have to emphasize that the condom, as useful as it is, takes away sensitivity, no question about that). So I know that there is margin of improvement from my side here.

I do not want to consider myself fully healed yet, neither I intend to stop my NoFap / rebooting, no porn etc. Years of bad habits can be (if we are lucky) reverted, but not in few weeks probably, at least not completely. Moreover, this lifestyle makes me live better, feel better and have a healthier relationship, so there are more reasons to keep up.
 
I definitely have the issue of DE. I've been on ED meds for forever and I feel whilst they help to achieve / maintain hardness, they do limit the sensation down there.

The arousal state that's required for orgasm is definitely psychological (more likely than purely physical) in my opinion. For me, contemplating a sex therapist once again as not feeling a great deal downstairs, or arousal / appetite upstairs. I believe if I can abstain and forget about P for long enough, my body and mind will hopefully find a way back to a more natural arousal state.

Meditation is definitely going to be a useful tool in overcoming DE and PIED in my experience / from testimonies on this forum.

Best of luck all!
 
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