Delayed Ejaculation

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by djmotion, Apr 15, 2017.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    10-30 minutes is normal. In fact the statistics show that most men ejaculate within 5-7 minutes of penetration. It may help to look up that research yourself if you don't believe me. Porn warped ppls minds. Real sex is nothing like porn sex. The difference is most women know that we don't expect it or you to be like that. Men do.
     
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  2. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Yeah so it seems like mine is more from the fact that I was ejaculating at least 2 times a day which probably caused some desensitization and I think all guys worry now cause of the way the younger generation of girls are. I've heard what girls say about guys and they can be quite cruel, they used to just talk with their girl mates but now they don't care and will say it infront of other guys as well.
     
  3. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    You've pretty much described how intamacy has been for me and my exes for as long as I can remember ; which in turn induces shame and feelings of being a misplaced unfit wreck ; which leads to more PMO ; etc. Contrary to our peers' perception, it's as bad as lasting seconds after penetration, on a scale that involves intimacy and a care for our relationship. Sure some men (drowned in P induced dopamine and imagery) still believe that rampaging the bedroom for hours on end is what makes women cling to the sheets and explode - but like you rightfully said, it's not.
    The worst part isn't even the 'performance' issue, but rather the fact that the lady in our life is desperate and unable to improve things from where she stands. The change has to come from inside of us (ironically and pun totally intended). Until that is sset in motion, the vicious cycle of P-induced (and maintained) DE won't break.

    I'm 36 now, been PMOing crazily for 25 years, and I haven't yet engaged in a relationship since I started NoFap and seen the many improvements it brought and helped me develop. Still I can safely say that change can happen, and is measurable on purely physical encounters. Which, really, was sort of out of my reach for as long as I can remember. I expect it to be even more convincing and smooth with a partner I am emotionnaly involved with.

    Thanks for taking the time to share your experience as well, both of you, it means a lot to me too!
     
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  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    You are on the right path. When you do meet someone I am hopeful things will work for you. It is very difficult for the woman because we do think it's our fault and we are trying every trick in the book and failing oftentimes because our SO is actually working against us by continuing to PMO. Obviously PE and DE are both not ideal but if you ask most women at least those in long term patnerships with men with DE they would all pick PE in a heartbeat. The grass is always greener and sure you want a man that can last forever until you have actually had that! Besides many men that think they have PE really don't at least not by women's standards.
     
  5. Purps

    Purps Guest

    So delayed ejaculation happens because you have overstimulated your penis with fapping so it is not that sensitive?
     
  6. The thing about DE, with me, is i had to realise it's a choice. I can have PMO or I can have satisfying sex with a partner I can't have both, because the first one makes the second one impossible. That sounds simple, but it's been a key realisation in allowing me to commit to the idea "Ok, i need to stop this. Completely. Not maybe do it a little bit less, but cut it out entirely".

    Given the prevalence of porn in society today, you wonder how many men / couples deal with this issue. I'm sure there are stats out there, but I shudder to think about the epidemic we're unwittingly unleashed on ourselves. Particularly with generations of young men now who've had HSIP available to them since pre-adolescence! I know that porn-induced dysfunction remains a divisive subject amongst mainstream experts, but I have to think we're only a matter of 2-3 years away from it being recognised as a huge problem.
     
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  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think it's the pmo not just the O two times a day. I certainly don't think it's ever okay to be rude or mean to a partner about what you don't enjoy in bed. And if you are with that type of a woman leave we are all not like that. I think what has changed in the last 20 years is that women are now comfortable with expressing their needs and wants in bed. I think this is a positive thing because the majority of men want to please their partner and are not quite sure how. All women are different. But you need to get comfortable with that and not see every suggestion as a criticism which I have found many men do they are a lot more sensitive about this than women and I assure you spend a lot more time focusing on things like their size or lasting long enough then women think or care about, study after study shows that. And think about it if your partner was unhappy in bed wouldn't you prefer she tell you that rather than telling her mates? Her mates cannot improve the situation and it's embarrassing to the man. But if a woman is cruel to you have the self esteem to bounce on outta there. You deserve more than that and you will find it.
     
  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    It is not sensitive physically often because you have conditioned it to respond to one type of stimulus only your hand at a speed and grip that actual sex or your partner can never replicate. I give the example of my partner asking me to squeeze his hand as hard as I could and him not even feeling it. A woman's touch is different and sex feels different. But P causes desensitization in your mind which translates to a physical sensation in your penis because you can never get turned on enough in your head to reach the point of O. My partner says it feels numb and I believe it does but the cause is in his head. I would read your brain on porn it really explains this well.
     
  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Yes yes yes! Exactly you cannot have both. But then you look around and say well that guy over there is can have both why can't I? Chances are he's not having both things always look different from the outside or if he is well it's just the way his body is. Recognizing that you as an individual cannot have both is a huge step. I got a lot of that's not fair from my partner. I read that use of P by the male in a relationship was listed as grounds in 60% of divorces today and we have to think that there are a lot more just that the men don't admit to using or the couple never realizes that was the problem because even though they told counselors because of the resistance by many to seeing P as a problem it was never pinpointed or dealt with. I often wonder how many marriages could be saved if a counselor addressed this issue. I think it should be protocol. I am very educated but before my partner and all the research I read I never would have even imagined that P caused the issues that it did. If you asked me two years ago I would have said anti porn people were religious zealots pushing shame now I know that's not true. It you take the time to read the research I'm not sure how you could not see the connection? We have gone unfortunately from one extreme meaning sex is shameful to another and it's creating a lot of lonely people.
     
  10. 60% seems insanely high, but I assume that stat is 'contributory factor', as opposed to 'primary factor'? I could totally believe that.

    Yes, it's still easy, if it hasn't directly impacted on you, to think, "Oh porn is basically fine, if it's what people want to privately do". Which is pretty much a holdover from how masturbation has come to be considered, which is probably fair. The problem, of course, with porn, is it encourages extremely unhealthy behaviour (overconsumption, access to unlimited material, escalation of material) in a way that cannot be, and shouldn't be, replicated in real life. We're not really designed, as humans, to be able to handle it, any more than we can be expected to control ourselves if introduced to opiates, and then given an unlimited supply. But until that's acknowledged, and we're educated, people will engage in a 'harmless' activity, not realising the damage until it's done. And, because of the lack of education, may well put e.g. DE down to an innate problem, and continue to use porn as a 'solution', creating a horrible cycle. I did this, not realising the problem for years. My girlfriend recently told me I had once, very casually, mentioned that her vagina isn't tight enough, causing my DE, and that this hurt her deeply (of course it did). I have no recollection of saying this, but don't doubt I did, and don't doubt that I believed it. I'd completely confused cause and effect, and was so locked into porn as a part of my life, that I was completely blind to that.
     
  11. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I understand that! a lot of guys think lasting 3 mins is PE but PE is actually ejaculating from just being touched by a girl which is why it's called "premature". I know that I won't have that but I think I'll find that I only last 5 mins or so which might not be bad from a womans point but for us guys it really is, no guy wants to last 5 mins unless he's lazy and doesn't care about pleasing the woman.
     
  12. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I can agree with that, the reason I'm trying to quit PMO is to make sex more satisfying cause to be honest with DE, we can be quite desensitized so that best part of sex is orgasm, we don't enjoy the stuff inbetween as much and the satisfaction of a girl liking how long you last but like GG2002 says, in a long term relationship that will probably become a problem.
     
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  13. Yep, definitely. The 'enjoying the in between stuff' aspect is a big motivation for me too, and an area where I'veseen real success. As you say, the best part is orgasm, which creates extra pressure to get to it. When the overall experience becomes better, that element disappears too. And you realise how much PMO was denying you that experience.
     
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  14. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Yeah and for me it takes so much effort on the bit leading up to orgasm cause I have to get really tense and try rushing it cause if I slow down then it's like it sucks the semen back in so I have to start over again, if you get what I mean? hard to explain lol
     
  15. I know exactly what you mean. And before you know it, the whole experience is hard work, stressful, and not a huge amount of fun. For either of you.

    I'll leave it to the women here to tell me what their ideal duration of intercourse is, as @GG2002 has done, but it's hard to have a proper connection during the experience regardless, when you're completely focused. More so if you're resorting to P fantasies to help yourself along
     
  16. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    shit! I defo resort to P fantasies so yeah it's just bad for you altogether. I would say best course of action is to go through a full PMO reboot which I'm doing for 180 days then if we don't have a gf by then, I would say it's okay to masturbate without porn as long as it's not frequent, I think I would probably go for 1-2 times a week, I don't think that should make the DE come back.
     
  17. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    That seems reasonable to me. Imagine that you are having intercourse with a girl and the only way she can O or enjoy it is to close her eyes, block you out and think of other men naked. If she looks at you she can't O. That's not a set up for a good relationship at all. Just a thought. It makes the partner feel horrible.
     
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  18. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Please her with foreplay work on that. Most women need foreplay to O. So make sure she's good then who cares if you last five minutes?
     
  19. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    This is actually an eye-opener when you think of it that way, yeah I'd hate for her to be thinking of someone else but when I was thinking of other girls, I never realized how it would make her feel. I mean the girls I'm talking about I was in love with (most of them anyway) and didn't want another girl but it kinda just happened, I'd think of other women to help me O and as for your other post I am actually considered good at oral so I can use that to my advantage.
     
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  20. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Yes a contributing factor not the only factor sorry about that. My partner never told me I was not tight enough because I am almost too tight for him. But no woman will ever be as tight or feel like your hand two different things. I got blamed a lot in the beginning though. Things like you moved right when I was about ready to O (I moved because my jaw was locking up from over an hour) you need to go faster or slower, don't talk when I'm trying to O don't move etc. And it was yelled at me in not a nice way. It really hurt. Oftentimes I would end up in tears like why has what I've done with every other partner not working? Is it me ? And correct he would block out even saying this. Of course it's easier to blame someone else. If the problem is the girl then you have no work to do!
     

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