Delayed Ejaculation

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by djmotion, Apr 15, 2017.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    The issue with DE though in many relationships is not that it takes too long it's that it never happens unless the man manually stimulates himself. I think the term DE is a bit misleading in that regard.
     
  2. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    Possibly cause I can finish, it just takes time and focus, I can finish without focusing but that takes ages. If that's the case with DE, they should call it No Ejaculation lol if I don't have DE then it is a bit strange that I can last that long unless just a bit desensitized and quitting PMO should fix that.
     
  3. Creatus

    Creatus Guest

    Healthy DE is of course possible. It's what tantric sex is all about. To get there requires focusing on slow, sensual sex the kind of sex that does not have an "end" in sight, that is about pleasuring your partner. Of course you do need a willing partner, though it is possible to do in yourself if you permit yourself slow sensual masturbation. Like a form of meditation or relaxation in itself unlike what we get trained to believe sex is by our culture and porn.
     
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  4. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    This sounds more like me to be honest. I used to have slow intimate sex and that's probably why my girlfriends liked it but recently I've been sleeping with girls I don't like and then ditching them and I think this is a sex habit I need to overcome and hopefully no PMO will help me do that because I've been treating women like sex objects recently which I don't wanna do.
     
  5. Creatus

    Creatus Guest

    So then that would cause the same guilt, shame and disconnected feeling that porn would cause despite it being less fantasy driven. We crave sex for more then just procreative urges, we have a desire for union with the 'other'. Whenever we have a sexual experience where that union is not really there (not liking anything but their physical appearance) I believe there will always be some level of disconnect felt.
     
  6. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I didn't even like their appearance though to be honest, being obsessed with orgasm had made me addicted to sex so I was getting it where I could find it and it's probably made me unattractive and killed my confidence so I couldn't get a hot girl. I'm doing 180 days hard-mode to get over the meaningless sex urges and then I'll put myself back on the market but quitting PM for 1000 days then I'll assess if it is really worth it at that point.
     
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  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    DE is defined as lasting longer than you or your partner would like and it must be causing stress for you. So if you want to last that long due to tantric or whatever then that's not DE you are holding back on purpose. Whereas if you want to O sooner and you cannot then it is DE. The concern is many men with PMO who have DE start out just lasting a long time. As time goes by though eventually you become so desensitized that you cannot O at all with a woman.
     
  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I've heard it called ejaculation incompetence. It's actually very common and doctors are seeing it a lot more in the past ten years and relating it to internet porn. 20 years ago docs did not seen men under 40 with ED or DE now they are tons of meh under 30 seeking help. They never think it's porn though the men that is.
     
  9. That's not a bad name. Ejaculation dysfunction might work better, as it's basically the ejaculation version of erectile dysfunction.

    Semantics aside, I've read that about increased numbers of ED and DE cases too. However, I would also imagine that reporting of sexual dysfunctions has increased massively in the last 20 years, both because of increased societal openness to discussing sex, and also because of a perception that there are now pharmaceutical 'cures' for these issues. I don't doubt the porn has increased it, but just caveating the point, as I personally would love to see really good research on the impact of Internet porn. There's already some, so I suppose it won't be a long wait. But there's a chance research and discussion on the issue will focus on warping of young people's ideas of normal sex (which is unbelievably important and scary) and largely ignore the less obvious physical impacts.
     
  10. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    I'm starting to think I don't really have DE to be honest and I just last long in bed naturally because I can finish when I want most of the time (unless I've been having too much sex at the time) and most PIED are caused over time but I've always lasted a while and I can understand that women would complain with men who have DE because they can't ejaculate but I've never had women complain so maybe I was just thinking I had it cause of how long I last and the "delayed" part is misleading lol still need PM out my life though.
     
  11. Yeah, I mean if you don't find it a problem, then that's not what you have. Which is great.

    Honestly, from your description in previous posts, it sounds like you have a more general sex addiction. So It sounds as if the problems caused are is less a physical issue (like DE) but more an emotional (your PMO and sexual encounters leave you feeling bad about yourself) one. The solution's still the same though, as you've said.
     
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  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    It's hard to tell and we can't tell you for sure. If it does not distress you or your partners no problemo! But you clearly found NoFap for a reason. So you likely do think your porn use is causing you to have issues whether they be DE or not. I don't want to offend but from the outside looking in I see a lot of attempts at rationalizing continuing to PMO. I really don't last that long, my partners all enjoy long sex sessions, DE is good for things like tantric sex. So DE is a good thing why should I stop pmo. I am sending you a message from your future fiancée or wife please fix this now before you meet me. Because I'm going to fall in love with you and want to marry you, I'm going to want your children and it will break my heart when I have to walk away from you because I can't accept a life where I don't enjoy the sex. It's not fair! I will ask you why I can't please you why it takes you so long? Our sex sessions will end in me crying in pain and feeling inadequate. I will stop initiating sex and will turn you down because it's not enjoyable and makes me feel insecure. I won't be able to figure out why you don't look me in the eyes during sex, why you always use your hand I will ask what am I doing wrong? I will wear sexy clothes but you won't notice. You will ogle every woman we see in public. You will be emotionally distant. I will ask you if you are watching porn you will lie to me, you are embarrassed but porn is the only way you can get off now. We both lead solo sex lives. I will long for sex with my ex boyfriends I will see how much I miss a normal sex life. I will pay more attention to that guy at work. I will feel betrayed when I find out you lied to me about porn. It will make me question your character and wonder what is wrong with me? Eventually I will leave you. I will try to help you and try and try but it will never work. Please fix this now!
     
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  13. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    yup definitely, I used to only have sex with girls I really liked then after I split with my ex I was single for over 5 years and didn't have sex once. I was basically just PMO'ing everyday during this time then I finally had sex a year ago with a girl I didn't like and had sex with 4 girls since then and not liked any of them then I keep craving having sex with more women (usually meet them on dating apps). That's why I'm doing full hard-mode cause wanna stop myself from having meaningless sex.
     
  14. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    No not at all!! I know PMO is a big issue in my life but not for DE reasons. It's because of other sexual habits that I have now, desensitization, sleeping with women I don't want (desperation), social anxiety, depression, shame. I really want this disease out of my life and want to find a girl that I just see as perfect and enjoy waking up next to everyday. I really don't want my life to consist of me masturbating over another man have sex with a girl that I find attractive on screen, when I think of it that way it just sounds sick to be honest. It's no different than me having a wife and watching another man have sex with her. Thanks for the motivation though :)
     
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  15. I envy people who can finish in 5 minutes or less, as a kid I used to think lasting longer was better, and while it's true that lasting longer might be appealing to some women, to other is quite the opposite. My DE was so bad that no woman I've been with has been able to make me finish with regular intercourse or her hand, it's always my hand, my style, I know myself better than anyone of course, and still just by myself recently wasn't enough, nothing was satisfying me anymore, it needed to stop.

    I hope my body can reset, and in the future when I find the right woman, we can have normal sex and I can finish just like I'm supposed to. My ex always felt sad because she felt she couldn't satisfy me, I don't blame her for feeling that way, imagine you date someone you can't help orgasm.

    If anyone has feedback on being completely sexually inactive, on how long does the body and the brain revert back to normality by abstinence? I want to know there's still hope for me.
     
  16. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    There's no guarantee for when your reboot will be finished but it's supposed to be when you stop craving porn, any ED has improved, your mood is better and you should just know it. It's different for everyone but you should select a time frame (most people use 90 days) with no PMO and then after that when you feel ready focus on getting yourself a good girl. I'm doing 180 days cause I've had bad sex habits all my life so I wanna make sure I'm 100% better before I attempt to meet any girls. Good luck & stay strong.
     

  17. I don't know when my next relationship will be but, for now I'm single and I plan to have no masturbation or porn for the rest of my life, but let's assume I find someone in a year, we start dating, a year and a month or two later we get intimate, I wonder if by then it'll be enough.
     
  18. djmotion

    djmotion Fapstronaut

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    It should be and remember, sex isn't the enemy. The only reason we abstain from PMO is during the reboot because sex can slow it down, even fantasizing is bad so you can see why sex would be bad but after you hit your goal and you feel ready feel free to get a nice girl just don't have sex with anyone cause that will send you right back into bad sex habits. Some people decide they don't want PMO for life but I don't see point in it, sex is a healthy thing, even masturbation in moderation. It's just porn and excessive masturbation that is bad for you.
     
  19. I agree though, if I had a masturbation problem since I was a teenager (I'm 31 now) and I try to casually go back to it, I'll end up the same way again. I'm an addict, and an addict can't just go back to the occasional booze or heroin, we have to go all the way, and that's why I will never masturbate or watch porn again.

    I will of course in the future have normal sexual intercourse with someone but, I want this to be the right person, at least now this is possible because, in the past I searched for sex partners not caring if I loved them or not. Now it's different, I just want a real meaningful connection with someone.
     
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  20. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    This, friend, should be stickied somewhere in the forums where every male can see...
     
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