Deleted my stash of pics and possible sex partners from a site

I don't know what took me so long, as apparently it is an account I created back in 2012. I didn't even meet anyone, it was mostly about an addiction to browsing for new women and possibility of sex (like browsing porn, facebook or instagram) and sending messages. It was not a dating site, it was just straight up sex-hookups (with profiles showing nudes, couples having sex, indecent and descriptive language etc).

I was reading posts the other night about people deleting their porn stashes (congrats for them). I used to have a porn stash too but deleted it in 2012.... but now I realized I had been creating an alternative "stash" on that site. Interestingly enough i started stashing there after deleting my porn stash. I sometimes, but rarely, came back to see my favorite profiles in there. I was usually browsing and edging and would add more profiles i was attracted to.

Before sending a request for account deletion (can't initiate it myself), i wanted to personally delete the stash. I had to manually delete profiles one by one. It took me over 30 minutes. And then it hit me: i had no idea how many i had added: close to 500 profiles. What the actual fuck!? That's a gigantic stash, i was just keeping it online and it wasn't technically porn, even though i used it in the exact same manner.

So yeah, goes to show how amazing our brain is in mental gymnastics and rationalizing behaviors.

It's all gone now and I hope admins will reply soon about deleting my account.

Feels nice.


edit: just for full disclosure, there's something else abnormal I was doing there but just realized it now. I used to write private messages filled with lewd and descriptive words about myself or the woman or the sex i was looking for. Something I would never ever say in front of an unknown person or partner. This is apparently awfully similar to telephone scatophilia which is a form of exhibitionism. Needless to say, it was exhibitionism anyway since I had uploaded sexual pics of myself (but blurred face). So i was doing two forms of exhibitionism as well.

 

Great to hear, you made a big step! Waiting for my account to get deleted as well.

Erotica is really bad, i did end up reading it at some point when i stopped watching porn... i rationalized it to myself that it's not porn... lol.

It literally fries your brain.

 

Sure is deceptive. I think the final frontier is just accepting all mental sex stimulation is essentially the same with porn just helping us achieve it most efficiently and effectively.

I mean, it seems like a double standard to assume that watching porn/erotic pics/reading erotica is bad (it really is), but somehow if we just imagine things in our mind (which is exactly like mental porn) is just fine.

I can go in a room and edge for hours just with my imagination if i really want to. How is that any different from porn, aside the fact that porn makes the whole process easier?