Deleting porn

I used to run this cycle before streaming porn to my phone got so easy. Download an archive of smut, get disgusted with myself and delete it, then start recreating the archive only to get disgusted and delete again. Its a symbolic gesture to ourselves maybe. I've come to see deleting and swearing off as part of the cycle I am trying to break. We are so good at deceiving ourselves.

I don't know how to stop looking at pornography completely but I do have a working knowledge of how to diminish its use. A meaningful social life goes a long way but not all the way. Earning a living helps a lot for me as when I am working I feel as though I am in control of my finances which translates into other aspects of my life. I am pretty bad at maintaining healthy eating, sleeping, and exercising habits but trying to develop those habits helps too.

I think for most of us the process of recovery is two steps forward and one step back. And at some point you realize what you thought was a step forward was more sideways than anything else. But eventually, pornography use is in the rear view mirror. I have to believe that is possible even though I have not experienced it for myself. If I didn't believe it was possible I don't think I would be here posting.

Another thought worth seriously considering is whether or not bringing about an end to pornography use is even desirable. Pornography does temporarily solve the boredom/stress problem in the same way eating food temporarily solves the hunger problem. And yet everyone here has some sense that pornography is causing other problems and in many ways creating the problems it aims to solve. And we are all burden with some variation on the thought "why can't I stop looking at this shit?"

So I guess the only other useful thought I have is "What do I really want?" "What do I really want my life to be like?" If I can't keep that though it mind and use it to paint an image and motivate my actions then I can't go looking for or gain a foot hold in a world where pornography no longer holds sway over my mind. Without something better than porn we are doomed to keep returning to it.

Hope all that helps. I found it useful to type out as half baked as it may be.

 

So I posted about this in another thread but I think it fits here. It has never been easier to attend SAA meetings. They are all online right now. It really helps to get back on the right path via accountability and fellowship.

 

This made me laugh a little

We are floating on the same sea. I've come to look at lots of things in my life as sugar. Porn is sugar. The news is sugar. Social media is sugar. Actual sugar is sugar. In general I need to stay away from sugar. Reading, working, studying, exercising, eating right. These things are whole grains, vegetables, roots and meats. When I need sugar maybe some fruits are in order.

It isn't like there is one thing a person needs to do in order to break out of the porn cycle. Its more like there are half dozen different things that need to be done over time to push the habit out of the way.

Stay in the fight! Posting here and encouraging one another is definitely in the "helps" column.

 

I've been worse. I have deleted porn from my HDD many times only to find myself regret it being an addict and searching for recovery software to recover the deleted porn collected across years. Its been a long time since I've deleted porn; its just an archive which I barely watch as I keep on watching new porn and collecting them endlessly. Its been a pathetic life offlate. I need to reboot. I just logged in, let me reset my count which is an utter lie > 500. Never been!

 

Destroy hard drive, get rid of the porn and the computer for a while. It's like an instant portal back to the old habit and it's so easy when it's there.

I did it, it's made my streak possible I'm sure.