Depressed and confused

I see myself in you so deeply. I, too, have struggled with this for years. I've finally gotten to a place where I actually feel good about myself. I will admit the temptation is still there but I think it's more about being tempted and not choosing to get lured into the temptation, than to avoid temptation at all costs.
The path to heaven is narrow.

I think what Paul was trying to say that those who are sexually immoral, are not pure of heart, they do not wish to change. They enjoy the sexually immoral acts to the point where they don't care to change.

You, as I can read, seem to wish to change. You want to take hold of your actions but find it difficult due to human nature. Your heart is in the right place and I think that if you pray and pray for God to help you but also remember to keep yourself accountable, you will see change.

Fighting against the urge to masturbate must be looked at like fighting a demonic force. You must say that it holds no power over you- it has no PERMISSION to hold power over you.

It is a battle and you will be cut many times and fall many times but this will make you more resilient when you finally decide to slay your demon.

God walks with us.

 

Also, you have to consider that habitual masturbation over long periods of time will change your brain chemistry. Your mind is telling you: "I need this, and if you don't give it to me, you will suffer"
What you have to make up your mind about is whether the suffering is worth it. I think if you consider the suffering that Christ went through while taking on the burden of the whole world's sins along with the physical torture and feelings of abandonment etc., our suffering becomes more manageable.
Take the focus off yourself when you are going through withdrawals, and literally repeat Scripture over and over again, until it subsides somewhat, and think about the eternal consequences of indulging in the same sin over and over again, and how it grieves our Lord when we do so.
God is merciful and He has done His part, but if we continue indulging over and over, at some point He will just allow us to wallow in it, and the longer it goes on, the harder it will get to break free. The Lord can miraculously deliver you if He chooses to do so, but He is sovereign and allows suffering, and has His reasons for it.
Think very hard about what you truly believe in your Heart, and ask yourself the hard questions, like:
If there is such a thing as Eternity, do our actions have Eternal consequences?
If God created sexuality, for what purpose?
Do I want to please my Creator?
I know it will be hard, but do it now, while you are young! I am 47 and have struggled with this for 37 years, and now have to deal with the consequences of marital problems and very difficult relations with my children, because sexual sin does and will destroy relationships and launch you into a lonely life. Trust me on this.
Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and thou art exalted as head above all!

 

First of all, struggling with PMO is like struggling with any sin that is addictive, but this one is unique because God gave us sexual urges to be used for good, like in a committed, marital relationship.
The sexual act in the King James Bible is described as "knowing", which I think is an aspect of sex that we usually don't consider, especially if we are hooked on porn, because it is so non-personal.
However, bottom line is that all believers have a level of struggling with sin, and I believe that the Lord is especially merciful towards those of us who have this particular issue, because it can be so overwhelming.
It's shameful to us because we know it's wrong. But consider God's mercy towards us:
Bless the Lord, O my soul:
and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits:
3 who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
who healeth all thy diseases;
4 who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5 who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;
so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
This is a God who loves us! And gives us the opportunity to return to Him at any time, and He will show us mercy.
You will not go to hell because you struggle with sin.
When you consider what Christ said in the following passage, I think it's safe to say that how we do things in the present life will affect how we spend eternity, in some way, shape or form!?
Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.
So, we can lay up "treasure in heaven" if we do certain things!
Another thing mentioned in the Bible is the "book of life", which from the sounds of it, we definitely want to be in this book!
And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.Rev 20:15
He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels.Rev 3:5
So, at some point, in this life, we have to overcome the flesh and the devil, and obviously, we do this through Christ, with the help of fellow believers, and the power of the Holy Spirit!
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.Phil 4:13
Don't think too much about what can happen if you fail, but think about Victory in Christ! Remember, this is a brain thing. We have wired our brain to think we need to PMO, because of the constant masturbation has caused a chemical flood of feel-good endorphins to flood our brains. We simply have to stop at least the P and M parts. Over time we will find other things that make us feel good, like physical workouts, or a committed spouse that we can have great sex with! Consider the following passage also:
whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.Phil 4:8
I will be posting daily on this forum and would like to encourage you that you CAN OVERCOME this struggle!

 

@Kayla0922, I have read through your forum and I feel that there are some things that need to be said. First, I understand your position COMPLETELY. I too started PMOing at a young age and have slowly let it dominate my life in many ways. I also am at that youthful prime where it is difficult to find people to relate to, especially Christians. These days I feel like I have been wasting these years of my life dealing with porn when I could have been having more of a life. These days our youthful years tend to fly away and no one stays young forever. I just want this addiction to be over with so I can have a more open and Godly life. I’ve even pushed aside getting a girlfriend until I can at least get to some level of sobriety; cause I have no intention of hurting anyone with this crap. Loneliness sucks, but it’s just another obstacle to endure.

Second, I understand what you said about all of us having problems regardless of gender. I admit that I don’t think about decent, let alone Christian women getting into PMO because it seems much more unlikely for women than men. However, I realize that none of us can forget that everyone can be affected by this addiction and everyone deserves to be helped. You’re in the same boat as the rest of us and it’s actually good that more women open up about having this problem because it shows that we as children of God are all in this together and we should all care for one another. In fact, you needn’t worry about relapsing today. I actually relapsed myself today, so I know what it means to feel low and defeated. Don’t give into despair.

Third, and this is really IMPORTANT, don’t give into the guilt and defeat when you sin like this. That feeling like your worthless and God is dissapointed in you, because that’s Satan’s work. This is something I learned over this past year: the Devil’s greatest weapon isn’t just the temptation, it’s that guilt you feel afterwards that’s truly dangerous. All that guilt that gets inside you and makes you feel worthless is meant to draw you away from God. Remember the story of the Prodigal son: he will welcome you and forgive you with open arms so long as your repentance is true and your desire to change is real. Since I learned this I haven’t been as depressed as I used to be. You will relapse time and again, but we commit other sins all the time and we don’t even know it. So long as you pray with repentance in your heart and wake up to endure a new day, you’ll feel better about yourself. In my experience, your gonna have bad days and worse days; but endurance and faith are the keys, as well as God’s strength and Word. Don’t know if you’re a music person, but I recommend “I Need A Miracle” by Third day. Music always helps.

 

Also, and I think I speak for everyone in this thread, you are welcome here and you may feel free to check out any threads of ours if it will help you. Nofap may be secular, but I think it could be something better with forums like these; any and all support is welcome and given. BTW, don’t let your Dad put your in that emotional decision you described. My Dad isn’t the greatest dad ever and certainly has some crappy issues that I have to put up with, but I still love him regardless because love is unconditional. At times I to think I disappoint him even when he denies it, but I realized the greatest lesson a parent can teach their kid is to learn not to care what they think anymore. Be your own person and be able to rise above what they think. Takes a huge load off and really is how Chrsitianity has reason over the years. No matter how many people think we are hypocrites or are wrong because we aren’t perfect, we rise above them and choose to love rather than give into their hate. If God is important to you, don’t let your Dad bring you down, let God show you what real love is.

 

@Kayla0922 Thank you for writing this! It is really good you are here and I am really glad you shared this. You struggle with and raise a lot of really good points, many of which I can identify with, like feeling inferior or unwanted.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that none can boast.

Much of Jesus' ministry talks about how the outward sin is an expression of the inner heart (Mt 15:11). So in the Sermon on the Mount when he talks about lusting after a woman, he's taking this idea of adultery and making it a heart issue. If you get the heart aligned with God, "then all these things shall be added unto you." (Mt 6:33). All of the verses, then, that mention sexual immorality and setting it aside do so in this context: that the outward sin is an expression of the inward spirit. I'd encourage you to examine those verses again and the broader passages they appear in.
Jesus comes, not to condemn, but to redeem. (Jn 3:17)

Me too. It's a lot overwhelming, and too much to accept. So many times I want to make it even, I want to "owe you one" so it's fair. But that's not what we're given. Crazy, right?

Have you read the Bible?! If he didn't give up on Israel while the people were bitching incessantly in the desert, or when they kept turning away in Canaan, or when the Pharisees weren't getting the precepts for the principles, or when the Romans were hanging him up to dry, or when Peter had it spelled out for him for the billionth time...! He doesn't give up. Ever.

Watch this and apply the idea to porn:

I love how Jesus deals with this question, "Which of you, if your child asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" - if your dad isn't perfect, how much more, then, will your Heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him!
And God isn't only male. Did you know the first name for God in the Bible, El Shaddai, can be interpreted as "the God who provides," "the God of the Mountains," or "the God with breasts!" Though God uses the male pronoun in the Bible to present himself to a male-dominated culture, he embodies both masculine and feminine traits and several verses demonstrate those female characteristics.

I think you might really enjoy and benefit from this series on sex from a church in Ontario. It is full of really solid teaching from the Bible and covers a really neglected topic in the church. Check it out: Let's talk about sex http://www.themeetinghouse.com/pageid/1738/ (Scroll down and start with #1).

 

Yes, I have, wrestler. Please read the following passage out of Hebrews:
16 Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? 17 And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies perished in the wilderness? 18 And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? 19 So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief. Hebrews 3:16
There is plenty of Scripture evidence that God will let us wallow in our sin. We have a choice to make brother, and yes, the Lord is ready to receive us back, but we have to run to him!

 

Keep reading. That next chapter is a good one!

 

Don't do it, don't indulge "one last time", that "one last time" will simply lead to another "one last time"! I have had some intense struggles the last couple of days also. I allowed myself to fantasize even though I didn't go to porn or touch myself. But essentially, that is where it starts, just like murder starts with thoughts of hatred for example. If you think continuously about how you hate somebody, eventually, you will want to do harm to that person, or at least think about it. At some point there was a seed of lust planted in our souls, and that seed has taken root, and if we want to yank out the root, then we need to stop watering the weed that has taken hold in us.
Weeds don't produce good fruit. We want to produce GOOD fruit.
Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. Mat 7:17
God is very merciful, but let's not fool ourselves, our actions have consequences. I know this from personal experience!
I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. Jeremiah 17:10
So, the Lord searches our hearts. It's not about "what can we get away with and still be OK", it's more about "what can I do to please the Father?"
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 1 John 2:16

 

What he said! There is no "one last time"!

 

You did a thing. You did not let me down (do you other guys feel let down?). Hell, I probably masturbated five or six times in deleting all the residual stuff of my computer - a process which took several years. So - I feel ya! You are a work in progress, and he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.

You have not changed your worth by doing this. You have not made God hate you. See it from his perspective: you made a mistake, and yeah - it's not the greatest, AND he loves you. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, neither porn nor relapse, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I don't know if you've ever heard that speech where the guy passes the rose around the room, then asks if anyone wants it as a metaphor for sexual purity. It's a dumb metaphor, because what that guy never understands is that Jesus wants the rose - he made it and it's beautiful and valuable to him, like you. You are beautiful and valuable to Jesus. So no man will ever want you? I can name one. And that means others can learn so see you like he does, and you can learn to see yourself the way Jesus sees you, too!

 

I've been where you are. That's why I've put aside getting a girlfriend until I can get somewhere with this addiction. The last thing I want to do is hurt a nice girl badly because I decided to let my junk do the thinking for me. I sometimes feel I don't deserve the kindness women give me at times, but that's when I remind myself that God loves me and wants to help me. I have never let porn change my view of women, and I've always treated them as respected equals and nothing less; but I will not become a problem for someone who deserves better than to be hurt by a porn addict. I'm sure you'll find someone someday, and you will have to tell them about it. Just know that God will always love you; and if the man you care about doesn't accept you despite knowing your flaw, then they don't know God's love and forgiveness. Keep the faith!

 

Kayla0922 said, " I do not understand unconditional love, and do not understand how He could constantly forgive me for consistently failing. Even in the New Testament it is constantly said that those who are sexually immoral will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Has anyone made sense of this? How Jesus who proclaims forgiveness and unconditional love also condemns the sexually immoral? I know salvation is not attained through works but it seems contradictory for Paul to also state that those who are sexually immoral will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Can someone please explain this to me..."

“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who practice [continually; repeatedly] such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” -- Galatians 5:21

4238, practice, present participle (ppt) = expresses continuous or repeated action; with no repentance, no guilt, no desire to change

Basically, you are a Christian; you feel guilt over sexual immorality [Gk. various sexual sins]; at your conversion-salvation experience you became ".. sealed [Signed, Sealed, Delivered] for the day of redemption." -- Eph. 4:30.

In Galatians 5:21, Paul was talking about acts common with unrepentant unbelievers. It does not apply to you (since you are a born again; Spirit-filled; sealed by the Holy Spirit, child of God, a temple of the Holy Spirit, etc.)


You have guilt, which is good & normal. I think your main need is to have & apply repentance (turning 180 degrees from sin). Take some baby steps (flee immorality; radical accountability or radical amputation [from Setting Captives Free; Matt. 5:30] porn filters, get a dog [walk around block 2x daily, reward yourself daily for good behavior, etc.)

"Repentance -- is a summons to a personal, absolute and ultimate unconditional surrender to God as Sovereign. Though it includes sorrow and regret, it is more than that. ... In repenting, one makes a complete change of direction (180° turn) toward God." -- from en.wikipedia

=========================
(Commentaries-- practice)

a deed, and implying what is done as a regular practice – i.e. a routine or habit (cf. R. Trench).


That they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God; that they who ordinarily do these things, they live in such practices; they die without repentance for them; shall never be saved: see 1 Corinthians 6:9,10 Re 21:7,8.


Wayne Barber explains that "when you become a Christian, something changes. You stop chasing sin. Sin starts chasing you. It doesn’t mean you can’t fall in one of those areas, but it means you cannot pursue it and claim to know Jesus Christ. The seed of God inside of you will not let that take place. You’ve got to remember, when you receive Christ it is not some religious insurance policy, it is a heart change. The Spirit of the living God comes inside of you. That doesn’t mean that a person cannot have tendencies and weaknesses and times of wearing the wrong garment and falling back into sins and being pulled that direction, but he cannot habitually pursue it anymore and call himself a Christian. (Ephesians 5:6-7: Don't Be Deceived)


C Norman Bartlett comments that the word practice…

means, the habitual practice of such things. The Bible bases its estimate of a person's character, not upon his infrequent, out-of-the-ordinary actions, but upon his habitual ones. To live in sin as a settled choice and principle of life is a far more serious matter than to fall into sins through weakness and carelessness. Far from loving and clinging to sin, the born-again child of God loathes and shrinks from it as from deadly poison; and when he does yield to temptation, he is in misery until he has confessed his sin and found forgiveness through the merits of the shed blood of his Redeemer:


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from Covenant Eyes.com

"Biblical truths kept ringing in my head as I researched and wrote the new e-book, The Porn Circuit: Understand Your Brain and Break Porn Habits in 90 Days. If we listen, the Bible teaches us how to renew our minds if we have been exposed to pornography. More importantly, the Bible points to redemption and a way of escape.

A Helping Hand

While creating a new thought life sounds simple, dopamine-driven habits that have been developed over years of repetition are extremely difficult to ignore in favor of new healthy alternatives. Men and women who have masturbated to pornography since adolescence have massive numbers of neural pathways and cues that lead them back again and again to pornography. The desire feels more like a survival need, similar to food, water and shelter. Avoiding acting out feels unhealthy, both physically and mentally. How will they cope with stress, boredom, painful memories, sexual impulses, and even their daily routine?"

http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/03/12/biblical-neurology/

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Who you are in Christ
https://www.joycemeyer.org/everydayanswers/ea-teachings/knowing-who-i-am-in-christ

 

It says that it condemns those who are sexually immoral, but it does not say they can't be forgiven. People like us know that it is wrong and we have our whole lives to fix our mistakes, but people like whoremongers described in the Word don't know better.This sin is no different than any other, but it does take a certain precedence to overcome. People like the late Hugh Hefner are a perfect example of that verse of those who are condemned for such sins. They let it consume them until at the end they have nothing left, and ultimately rejects the Word of God. We aren't those people, but we have the capability to be examples of redemption to them.

 

You have to understand that in the English language, we use the word "love" to describe how we feel towards someone and also use the word "love" the same way when say that we love ice cream. In the Greek, there are 4 types of love. The highest is "agape love," which best describes God's love towards us. That God loves us without any condition behind it.
When we give our life to Jesus Christ, our spirit is saved, but our mind is constantly being transformed. That is why the apostle Paul is saying, to "renew our mind" and we must crucify our flesh because "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15. All of us (Christian or not) constantly sin, and that is why we need a Savior. But when we do not accept that Christ died for us and do not repent (in greek means to change our mind) of our sins or in this case, sexual immorality then that's another thing.