Depressed.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by The Real Dude., May 19, 2020.

Will things ever get better.

  1. Yes

    3 vote(s)
    75.0%
  2. No

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Worse before better?

    1 vote(s)
    25.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. The Real Dude.

    The Real Dude. Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I'm feeling really depressed right now. I don't know what to do anymore, I've relapsed 4 days in a row lately, and I'm feeling so weak. In those 4 days, I've had 11 Relapses. I feel like I "need" 4 more relapses until I'm okay so I don't become Gay (HOCD). I'm really scared, and I feel like I've given up on everything, I've failed everyone including myself.
     
  2. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Watch the Terry Crews videos called Dirty Little Secret. The videos are a real eye opener and very informative.
    There is one about self pity. It gets you nowhere. If you watch them let me know what you think.
    Take care.
     
    The Real Dude. likes this.
  3. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    You didn't fail everyone else because you don't owe anything to anyone else. You can focus on yourself.

    And your self is a complicated thing, not just how long you can maintain a streak for. I know it's hard right now but also realize this is not a depression or mental health forum even though it has an overlap.

    Don't rely on people offering you motivation, go out and find it for yourself. It's free but you have to find it, it's not going to be always given to you just from a post online.
     
    Lepbk and The Real Dude. like this.
  4. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    I disagree. Addiction to porn use, drug use whatever addiction isolates you and makes you a person who disregards others feelings.
    Me,me,me.... Makes it all about yourself.
    If you have loved ones who you care about, addiction is not only about yourself but about making yourself able to connect with others again on a meaningful level.
    His feelings of letting people down should be felt, processed and then used as motivation as another reason to get healthy.
     
    The Real Dude. likes this.
  5. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    @Rav70

    Let me start with this: Would this thread be the place to argue this?

    I can see your point but I don't think you are qualifying for context. I am not either because I don't know enough about the OP, maybe you have read a lot more about him on the forum but from the initial reply it doesn't sound like it from just a video recommendation.

    You are reading my reply at face value, which is all very easy to do with brief online messages. I am not taking the position that people should not care about what other people think, but when someone uses that phrase of letting other people down I think they are likely too far into the shame spiral, so in THIS MOMENT I choose to respond that way. I said nothing about not feeling the feeling, the statement about letting people down is a matter of expectation. They also say in recovery, as you may have heard expectation is premeditated resentment, ever heard that?

    At what point is it codependency?

    Working on yourself is not a matter of making it all about yourself, that's just how you are interpreting it off the top of your head. I mean it in the sense of being responsible for ones own mental well being and stability. I would have thought this is evident in the context considering I prompted the OP to look for their own motivation, which is a matter of responsibility. But things can be misread in all sorts of ways when taken out of context and focused on one point or another.
     
  6. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Though the social context is important, loved ones of addicts have their own programs as we know - Al-Anon, CoDA maybe. It isn't just one way, which is the perspective of codependence. People who have been hurt by addicts understandably feel more that way because they have been harmed big time, but in effect that is also about me even if it is justified and already swayed too far in the other direction. And consistent with my point about responsibility, I also think ultimately it is up to partners and loved ones to own their own mental health instead of only calling on the ones with PA or whatever other kind of addiction to fix THEIR stuff. All that has happened when that is the case is the direction is flipped, instead of "me me me" it's "them them them."

    Edit: And in terms of justice, we may reasonably feel loved ones have more of a right to support, but 1. this is not to be done vicariously by trying to get others with that issue to change who we don't even know and 2. it's just not realistic to EXPECT it in the world at large even if it is worth bringing awareness to the matter
     

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