After going a little while, I have been able to decrease my numbers to not more than 1 or 2 times per month. (the goal is obviously 0 times per month) However, the last 4 days have been so rough for me, as I've been caught in a rut of failure. The last 4 days I did it all the way and I feel awful... I know that each time the Lord has forgiven me, but I cannot help but feel the deep guilt and shame for my actions. I do not feel I am worthy or strong enough to undertake this challenge at times, and recently, I've started to feel my long time depression coming back. I apologize if this sounds like whining but I really don't know where else to go. I am really trying my best out here but it is so difficult to keep a positive outlook when I'm seemingly surrounded by my own failure. Life is hard right now and please just pray that if the Lord tarries ad allows me to continue this difficult season,that He will give me the strength to endure.