Depression in its most extreme

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Coolbreeze, Aug 10, 2019.

  1. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

    My life for the last two years has been very different to all of the other years I spent on this planet. I am 22 now and have been depressed for two years now. The first year was somewhat doable but the last year it has been getting quite extreme.

    Before I got depressed, I used to be very active and happy. I was the dude who loved confidently dating girls. Spending a lot of time with friends doing whatever was always fun for me.

    The contrast between then and now is huge because I literally cannot find the energy to put on new clothes or do basic things like brushing my teeth. I am a smart dude as others describe me and want to share with you what I have tried to cure my depression.

    -NoFap (I completed the 90 days and it made me very stressed and aggressive)
    - Going gym 5 times a week (I achieved a seriously goodlooking body that I was proud of, but it didn't make me happy)
    - Trying to go out with friends or family, or even dating girls (I have no desire to do any of these and if I decide to go then I will be quiet and not motivated)
    - Getting more vitamin D/B (have been taking medication and going out in the sun a lot more)
    - kickboxing (for confidence and just being active, but no results)
    - I have tried therapy, different types (doesn't work for me and truly I am not motivated to get therapy anyway)
    - tried a new job, different kinds of jobs (not motivated and too stressed and depressed to continue at this point)
    - tried an internship (had to quit after 2 days because I was too depressed)

    Now let this be clear, I don't write this to get ampathy but I am just really shocked about how I have tried almost everything and I am not getting results I want to.

    I have now come to a point where I realize that constant effort for positive results is not making it any better and therefore I have given up on fighting on a subconcious level. I cannot be bothered anymore because too many times I have tried without results.

    Now I know that some will say: well, we all have bad days and we all need to fight to stay motivated in our lives. Yes, correct I say. But the difference is that most people have the energy to keep going and I just give up because I am not strong enough to deal with all the struggles in life.

    I have concluded that this is it, I cannot do anymore than just give my best to keep fighting (which I already know has not worked despite serious effort). I hate to break it to you, and to myself: but sometimes gives it your 100% may not be enough.

    And here I am, just wishing I could enjoy just a little bit this precious life I have been given by the gods. Can I force myself to enjoy? Nah, tried it, doesn't work.

    Wanted to share this with you as I have also decided to quit NoFap along with other things I tried ..

    Thank you for reading
  2. Get behind me Satan

    Get behind me Satan Fapstronaut

    Maybe there is a big purpose for your life and you have to show a lot of strength, patience and resolve in hard times to realise and to then reach your full potential.
  3. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

    Maybe, i have thought about that..
  4. gerry104

    gerry104 Fapstronaut

    If this kind of depression is something you cannot deal with by yourself, maybe it's time for you to seek professional help. I know it can be depressed during this journey and I also believe that it will pass one day.
  5. pernanui

    pernanui Fapstronaut

    it's always darkest before dawn.. I know, sounds cliche, but just think about how after you beat your depression your emotional state will be way better off than it was b4 the depression, and you're paying the price now, it's an opportunity to grow as harsh as it may be.
    Eckhart Tolle lived most of his life in severe depression before he overcame all of it and is now constantly living in a heavenly emotional state, not saying it has to be that extreme and you're better off not following that same path, but just keep yourself motivated by the potential of what's to come
  6. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    To the op: I believe that you will find respite once you no longer try to keep things under such tight control; I'm talking from my own experience, because I see similarities.

    You've probably got traumatized quite a bit in your very early childhood, either through having your emotional needs neglected (not much love running around in the house), or through some sort of emotional abuse (say too much was expected of you). Who are you trying to please, who's voice is that in your head saying "you are not good enough"? That is your source of unhappiness. I'd speculate a parent. Now I'm not saying this to go and shout at your parents for the lack of care, but to understand that you have developed some coping mechanisms that allowed you to survive in the family home, as child; that was healthy back then. But now, the same coping mechanisms are wreaking havoc in your life, mostly through perfectionism (see the getting a good body but not being happy). You are no longer dependant, as you were as a child, on the person you are trying to get approval from, but their voice is there, inside your head: "you are not good enough".

    I'd recommend to seek the advice of a therapist trained in "childhood emotional neglect" and in "emotional trauma"; most important, ask the therapist whether they've dealt with their childhood issues. Such therapists will be able to attune to your emotional state, provide validation, provide you with an emotional vocabulary and guide you through healing the emotional pain. Your primary care givers were unlikely attuned to your needs, maybe absent (workaholics, depressed)?

    Once your emotional pain subsides, many of your addictions, including PMO, are likely to disappear; we use PMO to escape the emotional pain.

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