Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Orjoon, Jun 24, 2021.

  1. Orjoon

    Orjoon Fapstronaut

    Hello brothers and sisters
    I haven't watched porn and mas*******d for 5 days. I joined a Catholic Men's group to stop watching porn but the whole thing is based on sin. Didn't work for me. I need a non religious science based help to limit and stop porn habit.
    Any suggestions when I feel down?
    Feels like nothing to look forward to. Divorced single father. No girlfriend or casual sex partner.
  2. OnlyWithJesus

    OnlyWithJesus Fapstronaut

    I totally understand. Reading the Bible and praying more won't cure you as some people say. In the spiritual direction, I recommend fasting. It really helps when paired with prayer, but prayer won't cure everything on its own. I also recommend some form of accountability. It's a great idea to check in with someone in real life, but I understand if there's nobody in real life for you to check in with. I don't have any friends right now that I can confide in about this. Thankfully, there are plenty of people on this site that are more than happy to be your accountability partner. You should join a group and I'm sure you'll find someone. Another form of accountability could just be downloading site blockers on your phone/computer. I use bulldog blocker and it works tremendously, and on my computer, I have 5 installed right now.
    It would be helpful if you have a list of things to do whenever you feel tempted. You need to flee these urges rather than just persevere or slowly back away (1 Corinthians 6:18). It works best to trade out this habit for a better one (this could be anything from art to investing). I had a 107-day streak last year just by checking in with a friend every Saturday to tell her how my recovery was going and fasting.

    I wish you all the best! You can do this with Christ!

    "Loneliness doesn't come from being alone; loneliness comes from thinking you are alone." In reality, many people are going through the same thing you are going through.
    Abel100% likes this.
  3. Orjoon

    Orjoon Fapstronaut

    Thank you OnlyWithJesus for your kind words.
    OnlyWithJesus likes this.
  4. toziko

    toziko Fapstronaut

    Well… distraction helped me and still does. It’s a withdrawal symptom.
    Daily routines could help to get out of it too. Especially some sport. Jogging, biking, gym, calisthenics, swimming, yoga…
    Spend more time with your kid perhaps?
    If you have an AP reach out!

    And in general when you are “ok” do what makes you happy.
    OnlyWithJesus and Kung_fu_panda_ like this.
  5. Orjoon

    Orjoon Fapstronaut

  6. Pick a project and throw your life at it. Rebuild an old car, start keeping bees, or learn wood working. Anything of that sort. Join a rock climbing gym or a volleyball league. People turn to porn because their lives lack direction and purpose. Give yourself direction and purpose and you want turn to porn to do that for you.
    Abel100% likes this.
  7. determined99

    determined99 Fapstronaut

  8. IbrahimViking

    IbrahimViking Fapstronaut

    Have you been depressed before you started nofap, or is it indeed a withdrawal symptom?
    Could this be you finally facing what you had felt in the background for a while?
    Do not resist your depression if you already feel it - do not "turn a misdemeanor into a felony". Accept it. Next time you feel down, and are alone, sit with yourself, with your depression, and have a friendly, generous, kind inquiry: are you a friend to yourself? Are your feelings allowed? Are you talking to yourself with the same amount of forgiveness and generosity, as you would afford a good friend? Is there something your depression is trying to tell you? Do you feel like you have to do a ton of stuff that you do not want to do in the first place?
    I feel deeply for people who had been told "just get yourself together and cheer up" - it's not fair, and is usually told for the speaker's sake, not for the target of the "advice". But if you believe that the chemical disbalance in the brain is not influenced by how you think, I have little more to say, as I know that everything, literally everything in your life has to do with what you choose to believe about yourself.
  9. Well Orjoon, I am feeling for you and your predicament, I would like to offer my help I really would. I too feel like I could do with some science based approach to all the depression I get from years of PMO, only I have already had depression from other causes which meant psychiatrists and spells in hospital and finally coming off medication and getting a job. I had a lot of isues in the past, I hated my Dad, for example to the point where at school I would buffer the pain, with sports, with porn mags, with drink, then later drugs and finally a serious psychiatric illness. But the thing that got to me the most was depression and I have had it twice in my life. It is horrible but the form I got was manageable if you treat it scientifically and have a conviction to beat it. The second time I felt like I was going to be in hell, because I watched porn online just having met and had two really nice dates with someone for the first time in years, I really felt I had blown the very last chance I had in life and felt the moment hit me walking down the street, and that was eleven years ago and since then I have been trying and eventually succeeding to stop online PMO but at the same time I have been succeeding with treating myself using daylight. I found out about a light box and started during winter to grab a coffee and look out of the corner of my eyes at the weak sun through some cloud for twenty minute spells two or three times a week. In effect I gave myself a dopamine boost, but the conviction I got from doing it was better than years of therapy from doctors, or their pills, or from the natural world, or family. It sounds a bit wacky, well it probably is. But then after a few years I found that I was enjoying reading again. That made a big difference because although I was watching internet porn and feeling guilty and damaging my relationships as well, I would feel something for books and stories, beyond what I had felt all the years I was succeeding with friends and going on cool trips and things. Novels especially, and just a couple of years ago, having tried and almost succeeded learning a language (Turkish), having had a great job and then lost it and having made a clean break with my girlfriend after having tried and tried at it, I have found a way to preserve and not lose this love of reading. I have succeeded and quit porn, quite recently from doing this, the light therapy, the reading kindles and also having tried to sleep when it gets dark and wake when it gets light and in the long winter nights to read by kindle, in the dark, every day. I really mean I want to help because I have taken it really slow giving up porn and actually I am not triggered and I am in mo way in need of religion. I do chant because that is something I was taught to do. But years ago I also had the courage to telly people about my porn problems, I told my boss and then quit, I told my parents and even my Buddhist members and friends, then I moved on. But the reading is what has kept me going and really it is a joy to relate to someone about this, because I am otherwise pretty lonely and only just beginning to walk the path to success, well into my fifties, now, so go well. I feel for you and I am with you if you need to talk. Good luck!

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