Desire for women

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Flesh, Jul 30, 2021.

  1. Flesh

    Flesh Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I'm at day 44 of nofap (hardmode) and I'm one of those who aren't in a flatline, my sexual drive is as nuts as day 10 but I'm very depressed, some days on the edge of crying or crying for the entire day, in short i'm in the process. (Before anyone talk to me about physical health and lifestyle, I'm 250% good on that side).

    My current problem is that I want to do things, learn and all, but I have no energy + always have that thought that makes me feel like any of those things that I would enjoy learning and doing are worthless and the only thing that really matters down the tube is being in a relationshit with a girl, like anything I do should serve this goal.


    I have 2 way of thinking about that :

    1- It's because I'm 26 and biologicaly attracted to that relationship state which means it's "a real feeling".

    2-
    Number 1 is just a rationalisation from the brain to get to have sex and get his drug.


    So my question is for those who are at 100+ days and "have seen the end of the tunnel" sort of speak.

    Have you guys been able to get off this rationalisation after some time in your streak or is it biological and I'm doomed to think that way and never really be fullfilled with something else than the desire of a relationship which would f*cking sucks coz I don't want to be in a relationship, I just want to learn, experience life and all, but this shit is litteraly burning me from inside.

    I have the hope that it's "2" because I read here and there that girls became just a side thing at some point, but I also read a lot of ppl falling back into jerking off coz even after long streaks they would still feel like they miss something and lose hope. I used to be the kind of guy to always fall in love in my young age and I'm kind of scared that this is a psycho thing that I may always be stuck with -_- ...

    Ty for those who will take the time to answer
     
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I think it’s a little of both. However thinking 100+ days is close to healing when you’re 26, and, I’m making an assumption here so correct me if I’m wrong, you’ve been using for 10+ years? Is just crazy. If you are like most addicts on here you started young. You also used while your brain was developing. It’s going to take a lot of time to see major changes. My husband didn’t even start healing for 4-6 months. He had severe withdrawals but never hit a flatline. At one year we noticed the biggest changes, at 2 1/2 even more changes. Do you know if u have pied or de?
     
  3. Flesh

    Flesh Fapstronaut

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    Hi, Ye no I don't expect 100+day streak people to be healed at all. I just mentioned this number to ask to a category of ppl that are eventually at least in a better state than mine as I don't see myself getting any changes before that point minimum.

    No, I just didn't have full erection (let's say 75%) when having sex and I couldn't orgasm in certain positions. But I was 20 and my frequency was about once a day, the problem got worse after that period and went to average 2 a day (but frequent 3), and that for 6 years so you can guess it was worse ("guess" coz i haven't had sex again after I was 20).

    Also, I don't even care much if that desire for a relationship will stay for a while, as long as I know it's a rationalisation from my addicted brain". But It's killing me for real that there is a possibility in my mind that this things would just stay coz it's biological. I just can't express who I am. I would rather want to end this really
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2021
  4. PrioritySystem

    PrioritySystem Fapstronaut

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    Quitting PMO has left a void in your life, you try to fill that void with a girl now. It’s better to be independent. And trust me you can be 100% happy without a relationship. Because here’s the thing: despite what society thinks or what your brain may have tricked you into believing: sex is not necessary in life or to be fulfilled. The body doesn’t need it. And if you have close friends what do you need a girl for?

    I had a 100+ day streak before but relapsed and back at two months now. I’ve had periods where I would interact with some girls and have sex more, now I have done nothing with girls for like 4 months and I’m still feeling perfectly fine. If my life were to continue without girls and sex until the day I die, then so be it (I know that won’t happen but honestly I don’t mind)
     
    Abel100% likes this.
  5. Flesh

    Flesh Fapstronaut

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    But were you having this need at the "beginning" and then it went away ? (the need for a girl)
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I think everyone is different. What is it you “ need” from a woman? Do you want to have a family, do you just want sex, a partner? My husband wanted a best friend. He avoided sex for pretty much our entire marriage until he addressed his addiction.
     
    Abel100% likes this.
  7. Flesh

    Flesh Fapstronaut

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    If I listen to that "call", it's everything that makes a relationship that I desire, nothing specific. But I feel like the "nothing specific" could be my brain tricking me to get his drug while rationalising on the "it's biological so it's normal"+"u don't have any friends or social connexion at all so u would appreciate that social aspect too".

    I initialy posted here as it came to mind, and as i'm thinking about it, I really feel like it's just a trick playing on what's real to get me to buy it.
     
  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    That’s one of the benefits of journaling your addiction. It can make it easier to hear when it’s your “ addict” speaking. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. It is natural. However, first you need to get into recovery. Addiction will ruin any relationship after a while. It makes you selfish. Get out and start making friends. That will help fill thst need for connection
     
    Abel100% likes this.
  9. Flesh

    Flesh Fapstronaut

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    Yep that is for sure, I would never want anyone to suffer a relationship with me in my current state.

    That would be nice but I just can't rn. I'm just a zombie

    thanks for helping
     
  10. PrioritySystem

    PrioritySystem Fapstronaut

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    It’s all in your head man. Look around yourself wherever you are: where do you see a problem? It’s all in your head
     
    Fullyawake and Abel100% like this.

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