My last relationship ended circa year ago. I feel lots of loneliness and lack of female companionship and intimacy. I was depressed, but I am mentally fine now (except for the fact that porn messed me). I was brosing site with escort profiles (this is legal when I live). There was one women who cathed my eye. She was attractive, 6 ft 1/185 cm (I am 6 ft 3/191 cm and I like tall women) and she offered among other things gfe meetings (girlfriend experience) and kissing. From few days I have repetative thoughts about meeting her. Last few days were full of bad invasive thoughts about gay sex and sissification. I am recovering from sissy hypno. I was straight and cis all my life. I never (also I do not like them now) liked male bodies. Sissy hypno gives you dopamine high from feeling female, also in sexual situation. I haven't even watched that much of it and no permanent or so called curse files. I say: do not watch this, never. I almost relapsed yesterday I was for a moment, I was stimulating my anus while wearing lingerie, but I stopped myself. I was flaccid during that experience and it scared me because normally when aroused I am hard. This morning I was gently touching myself (no stroking, edging, I do not want relapse) and fantasizing about the escort. It took me a longer moment to become hard, but I finally got solid erection and stopped worrying. It might took a moment because I felt ashamed of all those gay and sissy thoughts and before that I checked if plugs are still giving me erection. It did, but felt not so good. I might finally losing interest in anal. I was fantisising about kissing and cuddling with the escort and also more erotic things while touching myself. Yesterday I was almost sure that I will call her because of compulsive use of fetish dating site, that happened to me and all the gay thoughts. But when I regained control the desire to see her was gone. Today after I fantasized about her I am again thinking of seeing her. I don't want to have sex her, I want kisses, hugging, cuddling. I don't know what to do.