What to do. I find that eight to ten hours of quiet, solitary, meditative sulking at the commencement of my workweek takes the edge off the acute despair I face right before going in. So damn selfish. I crave solitude daily. Sometimes I pretend to be sleeping when I'm really just enjoying being left alone. It's getting excessive. But without it my brain starts shutting down of its own accord. I'm at a loss for what to do. I know that I used to be busier, something of a workaholic, but now a mere 40 plus the usual family time is more than I can handle. Different work is not on the horizon. I love the people in my life. They're the only ones I can stand for more than a moment or two. I tail my husband like a spaniel at social events. I haven't made and kept any friends on my own in years. Can't be bothered, can't muster up enough consistent interest. What the hell is going on. It almost makes me wonder if some of this is related to suppression of sexual energy or not. I certainly avoid situations that present a high risk of temptation. But it might be a red herring. I don't know, and there isn't really an ethical way to find out.