Desperate cry for help

Hello,

I am in my mid 30's and I have addicted to porn and masturbation for >15 years, altho I really do not like the term masturbation it bears neutral connotation and does not represent the way I actually feel about it.
I am addicted to certain fetish\kink, which I do not think it is important what kind of kink at this moment, suffice to say it is pretty much wide spread as finding porn material is easy and there are people already on this forum has talked it thru - at the end of the day all porn is fucking degrading.
The sense of desperation and learned helplessness is absolutely fucking demolishing, there is no single fucking thing I ever undertook that was that hard, it has been almost 3 years since I have discovered YBOP and it explained me pretty much in a clear cut manner what is going on inside my skull. However, after that I relapsed time and time again and again and again and fucking again
The feel of hoplessnes is eating me alive, I am generally not a very social person , so this is a major step for me to register at this forum, I can't stress this is enough - I can't do it alone, I understand that in the end it is my fight and my fight alone , but I desperately need support. This is not the only addiction I have - alcohol and computer games, however, with both at least I have some degree (may well be false feeling, but does it actually matter?) of control over it, where is with porn - absolutely none. I lasted ~1 month or so it was terrible , sleepless nights and constant thinking about it , otherwise my "dedication" to quit can hold from several days to ... an hour or so.
If it was up to me I would kill and mutilate every single porn actor\actress and anyone associated with porn industry, those subhuman cunts who exploit people weaknesses, but it is not up to me, up to me is to change myself and besides what's the fucking point, even if whole industry with all its subhuman scum actors wiped out - profitable place does not stay empty.
It is an escapism mechanism which is death spiral for me - I do it when I am bored, when I feel down, depressed for an instant relief , after which I feel even more pathetic, not straight away of course there is several seconds of heaven, but I doubt this is something new.
I think that is pretty much it, unless anyone is interested to know anything more.
That being said, would you please guide me what next steps people do generally take after registering, I will defo traverse thru forum and read all the anecdotal evidences, however, If I want to be more pro-active?

 

cheers guys