Desperate cry for help

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Nov 15, 2019.

  1. Why do I still keep relapsing? All them nights where I have desperatly cried after every relapse, thinking that it would be the last time. The many times I have suffered from ED with 10s of girls. I dont get it...Ive done everything your "supposed" to do to succeed.
    I have been meditating daily for the past 2 years, I am working out 6 times a week, taking cold showers, eating healthy, removed my social media usage, tried being without internet, trying to socialise more, I have prayed but still I always end up relapsing, I have been "trying" for the
    last 3 years never reaching more then 30 days. I have tried easy mode, hard mode, monk mode, and all the different approaches, It may go good for a few days but sooner or later I always go back to some kind of porn. I can have a good streak with 0 urges for a few days,
    be doing great things the whole day and then suddenly the Porn Urge comes, its like a demon who takes control over me 100% and all my reasoning dissapears, I feel helpless!!! Every relapse I say to myself, AHA I finally found what was causing the relapse and I keep trying to learn from them,
    but there have been times where I cant even find the reasoning why I relapsed, it just happend because I saw a nice girl In real life, What the hell do I need to do? Do I need to do MORE!? Do I need to be locked up in a dark room for 3 months to be able to do this? I have had suicidal thoughts
    from this addiction, been depressed the last 3 years and I am getting so tired of it. It feels that I know everything I need to know, Probably watched 1000 NoFap videos, read 20 self help books but knowledge dont seem to help me. When the urge comes like I said I loose all control. I have been
    able to drop all my other addictions like Alcohol, Nicotine and video games, but this one...I feel there is noway out of. It makes me so sad to hear all these inspirational stories by you people because it feels like I will never be able to do what you did, even though I am super disiplined in other areas.
    For example I have built my body to a "greek god", I havent skipped a workout in 6 years, something that many people would find super impressive, but dropping Porn is impossible to me?! I dont know what to do anymore, I got hundreds of pages written down after every relapse the past 2 years, I have had numerous love stories with amazing girls but sooner or later I choose PMO before them, break their heart and my own! I end up nostalgic missing them, but who am I to blame? I did it to myself. IT is like self torture

    What am I missing?! What the hell do I need to do?! I got meaningful goals, I am looking to become the world champion of boxing, I have even found my true passion in life but this is not enough motivation for me to drop this bad Habit!? I am loosing my mind

    It is like I have lost faith in myself, It seems that I cant find the drive anymore because the truth seems to be that I can never change:(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2019
    Purekingsoul, TheLightOne and Metis07 like this.
  2. havinghope

    havinghope Fapstronaut

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    I just relapsed again. M'd to a pic of my wife. Unreal. Oh well, coming up on the weekend. Starting over. It will happen eventually. It will be sooooooooooooooooo legit when it's over.

    No need to lose your mind man. I think we all try too hard. Maybe we just just relax a little and not put so much pressure on ourselves. When you're constantly trying not to do something you're going to do it eventually.

    In boxing do you try to knock them out, or just try not get knocked out? Dude, i get it. I'm an Ironman athlete, and dropping porn is like a double mount everest. I'm over this shit. Let's knock this fucker out! I'm gonna get aggressive and say kiss my ass PM. It's time to take it personal. This shit is pissing me off, fuck the porn industry, sick bastards.
     
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  3. Perhaps I am trying too hard, making it too personal, laying too much energy on it. Painting it up to be a bigger enemy than it is, idk man. Thanks for the genuine support bro
     
  4. Am I putting so much effort into this that I am making it a bigger fight then it has to be? Is my effort counterproductive? It feels like the last 3 years for me have been about NoFap, which is sad. Life should not be about counting days, hoping that sometime in the future everything will be alright. Is it possible to try too hard?
     
  5. silver003

    silver003 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you are making it bigger man. I tried to quit PM for 2 years and became obssesed about it. The result? Never being able to spend 30 days without it. Once I started enjoying my life I one simple day decided I would erase all my catalog (always postponing it because I wanted to keep it just in case) and I did it. After that day, I forgot about it and moved on, the key is to erase all the access you may have to pics or videos that can lead you to PM.
     
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  6. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    I think you should take it easy and concentrate on what you want to do (either than on what you don’t want to do, like PMO). Just chill, be happy and grateful that you already made a big step at such a young age (in accepting this addiction, getting some knowledge and trying to get rid of it) and continue, but don’t push too hard, be easy on yourself. It’s like in boxing (or in any aspect of life) - if you want to knock out your opponent so hard, you more probably won’t arrive there, but if you just do your thing, you will get there). It takes time, don’t rush, but keep moving.
     
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  7. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Dont try so hard until you get urges. When you get urges to PMO just try very hard. workout again. take another cold shower, go socialize. I wish I could have my car back so I could leave my room and go somewhere else. Where I live isn't great either. the nearest store or place to socialize is 4 or more miles. I have no car so id have to walk. and its not like in a city. its like in the country so no sidewalks /:
     
  8. You described us all. Cowboy up and keep your hands out of your pants. Your not a monkey
     
  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I relate the same to you. After 10 years I haven’t been able to give it up for good. I’m much better and less frequent but giving up the ghost is something I haven’t been fully willing to do. I sometimes wonder if I’ll have to lose my marriage or my job before it becomes enough.
     
  10. Changeordie

    Changeordie Fapstronaut

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    Brother, I know exactly what you are going through. 2 weeks ago to the day I posted a very similar cry for help. It sucks. There is no exact science. I've been at this for 5 yrs and I've never made it past 39 days. My best advice to you is to identify your "why." I lost the love of my life over this shit, and that became my why. To ensure that I never lose another girl over this shit again. Also, instead of having an all or nothing mentality with your streaks, try and focus on minimizing your relapses. That means when you relapse try and get back on the horse as soon as possible and play the numbers game. For example, right now I have relapsed only 4 times in the last 70 days. That's one hell of a streak in it's own right. Looking at your streaks that way helps prevent binges after a relapse, and help you build momentum faster. Finally try and vizualize how awesome your life will be once you have put this demon behind you. Read success stories. Not just of people who've recovered from porn addiction, but of the benifits of semen retention and people who've experienced them. Never give up man. As long as you keep trying, eventually you'll break through. We both will! God bless, and keep ya head up!
     
  11. Addo

    Addo Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I have been where you guys are before, I am just day 16 into this after trying 3 years to quit. I started PMO from age 12 and I am now 27. One thing which helps me going is Whenever i have the urge to watch porn and masturbate, i tell myself not today. I then move out of the house, if there are people around i get closer to them. sometimes I have put my face in the pillow and scream not today. I have realised Not today keeps working for me. This is someone who had not gone passed a week of quitting porn when i have been trying to quit for the past 3 years. I always give myself excuses.
    DOnt give up yet, just take it one day at a time. Just a day at a time. Just don't do it today, forget about achieving this tomorrow. Don't keep telling yourself i will start afresh tomorrow. Today is all we have.
    I hope to make it today and As for today I won't PMO.
     
    ANewFocus likes this.
  12. Purekingsoul

    Purekingsoul Fapstronaut

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    Relapsing is not worth it I've relapsed for the last time as an experiment after my longest streak to see how I would feel and I feel horrible kinda empty in side but no biggie it'll all get better besides my body works fast and I now know I have what it takes to stop these urges and obtain my powers and also what to do kinda wish I wouldn't have relapsed tho
     
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