Desperate to change things

This is the process of desensitization. Porn basically works like a drug, and what happens is that as you continue to use porn, your brain becomes numb to porn and it results in you going to harsher and more rough categories. You mentioned going to transexual porn; this is very normal for porn addicts. You went and found (that's right, found) transexual porn by accident really; others went and found transwoman, incest, beastiality, etc. Often times, the addict does this in "haze" caused by the drugs affects, not even fully knowing what they are watching half the time. I speak this from experience; I started watching porn around 12-13 years old, and I went to incest porn very quickly. It was only quite recently I realized what I was even watching. Like it took me nearly 7 years to realize it. Like I'm telling you, this is a VERY common process.

The process of desensitization can be reversed by just stopping porn; as time goes on, the brain will begin to heal and you'll lose the taste for it. DO NOT CUT DOWN PORN; go cold turkey and stop completely.

Also, I admit while I never had what your having in regards to gay thoughts, this sounds like you have HOCD, a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. But this is something for you to look up and decide, as I aint an expert. But from what I've read, it sounds like u have it (like u even say you have compulsions).

There are two youtubers that can help you understand and see if you have it. The first is Nathan Peterson, specifically this video () talking about it. The second is Chrissie Hodges, who has a bunch of videos on this kind of stuff. Both of these guys are licensed therapists who have years of experience with mental OCD.

However I will say this; you getting aroused to gay porn doesn't mean necessarily mean your gay. Sex is just sex, and the animal parts of us are just wired to that (Chrissie Hodges explains it in one of her videos). From a porn perspective, anxiety and shock value increase the dopamine produced during porn watching, which is interpreted as arousal.

Let me know if this helps my guy, maybe I can give some more advice

 

Hey bro! Nice to see you take your first steps for change
Dont worry a lot of people experienced changing preferences during their PMO-time! Altough for me it was a different change, i think a lot of people can relate to your specific case! Thoughts like you mentioned can be pretty anxiety provoking, but as described they will moooooost likely vanish with quitting porn
If you want to read more about it, look up the book "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson, its on amazon It not only explains the cause of shifting preferences but explains the changes in the brain, ways to battle the addiction and other stuff