Despite i kept posting the same topic... maybe it is time for me to accept being gay?

I remembered flashbacks of when i was a kid... discovered my first porn, my brother's friends brought sex taps to the house and played it, i was surprised of a guy's's dick was long... and i was like 13 years old maybe, it was my first experience with pornography... then later on i started vanilla porn earliest... at the time i had crushes on girls... there was no homosexual behaviors at all during childhood.... it happens before i even discovered the internet and smartphone... as i got bored with vanilla porn, i dont get much excited anymore... i started to explore for more bizarre contents to get dopamine released... i jumped into gay cartoon... then i got bored after watched like 3 to 4 videos, i didn't like it... it was all muscular nothing impressed me, then I look for the small feminine guy getting dominated... and then i finally discovered transwoman porn... it was highly rewarding i could not get enough of it, at once point of time i masturbated so hard, i could not get normal erect, plus during the time i was dealing with depression and social anxiety, i seriously can not socialize or have healthy habits like any other kids... also i have huge family issues, dad and mom fight all the times, verbally abused me etc... since i suffered ED, i started to anal masturbation and mimic the transwoman hypnosis... the most regretful and shameful thing i did was... putting an object in my ass... like cucumber and banana, I was sucking like a cock... after done it, i felt regretted, depressed and shameful... not long for anal masturbation i did not get the excited feelings... i stick with penis masturbating again, after long periods of watching transwoman pornography... i jumped into hentai manga... the fucked up part is i watched the yaoi once and hentai trap where a guy looks feminine... i was so heavily addicted to it, i felt like porn is controlling my entire existence, I lose the ability to socialize, i lose the experience during adulthood... my social anxiety is out of control... despite all the disgusting porn, weird is my attraction towards women still the same.... i still love and fantasize about being together but the transwoman fetish is still crumbling my brain... every time i meet a hot chick, my brain will automatically imagine the girl with a dick.... whatever I watched will have an impact on the near future... After i decided to change my life and cut off porn... about 4 years without porn and masturbating, life has been completely flipped... the recovering period was hideous and traumatized plus the inexperienced outside world, i was struggling to be the best version of myself... i even set a goal in my mind once i'm done with nofap, i will get me a girlfriend and have sex for the first time... it's going to be my final destination of nofap... unfortunately.... everything turned into a complete false.... from all the porn i used to be addicted.... i had doubts about my sexuality because women's attraction is fading... sex drive gone... the weird part is i still have genuine feelings but... i have no attraction at all... after the incident about staring at my coworker, i questioned my sexuality and then I discovered HOCD from those who suffered porn addiction... for over a year, it was hell of living... i couldn't imagine the anxiety, and doubts was almost drived me completely insane... life was hell during sexual doubts... i finally went to therapy about my doubt about sexuality and past PMO addiction... the answer i received from my therapy isn't for all HOCD suffered wanted to hear.... she said i have no OCD instead I might have general anxiety disorder.... she told me to accept uncertainty, some realized earlier, some realized later... that was the most shocking moment of my life... i went back home in full despair and hopelessness, cause my goal has been destroyed completely... i think i might be really gay but in deeply denied it... i feed the urges and compulsion but i do not check gay stuffs... i almost slipped back to transwoman porn, i don't want porn to ruin my current life... instead, i just watched them twerking on instagram... but when i watching it, i was focused on the dick.... if a pretty chick, i look down has a dick, i got rock hard.... perhaps I did not like transgendered person... i like dick instead... i felt really hopeless about losing women's attraction also i'm 22 have no friends, am extremely introverted, never date before... to endure my loneliness, i got a job, to forget about being alone... it almost makes me feel like, i have no logical reasons to fight with the doubts of liking dicks... every time it was mentioned i felt something in my stomach... instead of excited, it felt like a pulled... i never have homosexual fantasy earlier life, also i was always in love with girls... the transwoman fetish, and penis making no choice but to maybe accept being a gay? to find peace within my mind? despite i have no interest in dating the same gender at all even fantasizing... fucking disgusting to me... transwoman fetish still going strong these days... even though i recovered from PMO addiction for 4 years... and recently the dick stuff kind of in my head whenever i looked at transwoman model, my brain thinks I like dick instead... i'm so done with my life... my therapy said i have no OCD... i think about suicide a week ago... now the thoughts of suicide coming back again... this is not what i planned after recovering from PMO addiction... i thought about having friends, a girlfriend, and having healthy sexual intimacy... but imagine if i told my girlfriends about my PMO addiction, I'm pretty sure, she will think i might be gay and bisexual....