Destroying social anxiety with women

I can give a tip I learned don't take things to seriously when talking to women . With that I mean don't judge facial expressions or lack of conversation time as rejection. I used to think well she isn't smiling at me or the conversation was short as rejection or I saw her the other day she barley said hi when I walked by she must not be interested . The more you assume rejection the more you get does that mean you will get every women you talk to NO it means that you will have more oppertunties than assuming rejection all the time as I used to .

 

I had a problem with this before pmo just trying to not let the fear control me and realizing that people’s perception of you is out your control and to stop trying to force an outcome with practice I will get better at just being my true self all the time

 

Yeah I can see how that is , When I was a youngster just wanting to get into the dating game I was very shy in school and had terrible acne and spent a lot of time alone and was made fun of a lot then found my dads porn stash of vhs tapes and would pmo a lot. so I saw rejection everywere some of those bad traits of thinking the worst followed me into adult hood even after my face cleared up i thought i could read minds but all i found out i could make a lot of negative assumptions . Thankfully i learned from it not to jump to a negitive conclusion right away and it has helped tremendously in meeting and talking to women and in a lot of other areas of life family, parents ,strangers work people. and de stressing and not overthinking it which i did a lot when younger .

 

I can relate to this, its one of the biggest problems us anxiety sufferers can have. Believing that everyone hates you. So you actively avoid them. Which consequently becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, as you avoiding girls. Means that they don't see you as friendly. So they start feeling the same way as well... I have spent a lifetime looking for proof that girls liked me... Irrational thinking kept me alone for years. Even now its still a problem...

You need to force yourself to talk to people so that you see that its only your irrational fear and self doubting belief that is keeping you alone. Do this for 30 days and it should open your eyes to the "real world'. And not the fantasy one you have in your head where you believe all girls hate you.

 

Well first start with your attitude don't put others above yourself that includes women, just because there hot doesn't mean there great in bed. Second go out and try different stuff look at it from a learning perspective and grow from it DONT PUT YOURSELF DOWN . EVER

 

Shame vs vulnerability.

Your thoughts and feelings express themselves through your behavior. Your eye contact, ability to smile, your energy, body language, vocal tonality, and your overall attitude and presence is affected.

When you're ashamed, you're hiding / protecting / coping. You're limiting the energy that you give to others out of fear. You're protecting yourself emotionally by playing it safe and taking less risks. You're a lot more concerned about your well being rather than being free from your worries. Everything you say and do is expressed in a way that you're holding back or that you have a hidden agenda that you're not willing to be open about.

When you're open (vulnerable) you're showing that you're comfortable with possible rejection and failure. You're more willing to take risks (which leads to more failures, but also more success). You're giving out more energy to others no matter what the outcome is. You're allowing others the choice of accepting or rejecting you rather than trying to control or own them. You can express yourself more honestly and you don't have hidden agendas that makes you have a creepy attitude. Less worried so you're able to have more carefree fun.

Being vulnerable is more risky, but it's also more attractive to others. It shows that you're thriving, expanding, and growing in life. Rather than shrinking, hiding, and in a self centered mood when you're ashamed. It shows that you're strong enough to handle the pain, problems, and negative experiences that happen in life. It shows self respect and that you have nothing to hide. It shows that you're not trying to act differently for the sake of being liked by others.

What causes the anxiety is that you're trying to protect yourself from negative experiences, but that's what is also preventing the possible positive experiences. A lot of people believe that they can erase the negative and only experience the positive, but that's not how reality works. When that delusional belief clashes with reality, that's what causes the anxiety. The anxiety that tries to look for guarantees. To look for the perfect thing to say or do that will guarantee your desired outcome. It doesn't exist. That's why you freeze up or you escape the situation. This is why people indulge in porn. Because it's all positive and no negative (at least in the short term... plenty of negatives in the long term, but are neglected because of the instant gratification).

That's all anxiety is... being overly cautious and excessively careful. Being too concerned with trying to do or say the perfect thing that will guarantee (doesn't exist) your desired outcome. This is what happens when you focus on all the things that are outside of your control rather than focusing on things that you can actually do. You limit your confidence in your own abilities while being infinitely fearful of everything and everyone that's outside of your control.

 

The people who are the most successful in relationships are the people who are comfortable with rejection and with the possibility of things not going their way.

They're comfortable with rejection because whether or not other people validate or accept them, their self respect and self esteem doesn't change. They know who they are (their flaws and imperfections) and they like who they are. They enjoy their own company. They don't expect another person to solve all their problems and fix who they are. They don't use other people as distractions in order to escape from being alone with themselves.

They're comfortable with the possibility that things might not work because they live in reality. The reality where not everything works out and not everyone is interested in you. Just like you're not going to be interested in everyone.

I don't expect everyone to like me. So rejection really doesn't bother me. It's not something I'm emotionally attached to. It's just something that didn't work out between two people. We're just different individuals with different thoughts and life circumstances. Going in different paths in life. It's irrational and immature to take rejection personally especially when it's someone that barely knows you.

So the question isn't really why do women reject you... it's why don't you like who you are? Why don't you enjoy your own company? Why does rejection bother you?

Relying on others to validate your self worth isn't a good plan.

 

Trust yo self. Think like a water

 

Your mind set is wrong, don’t speak or interact with women with the goal of impressing them or as if you have to “pick them up” when you do that you put unnecessary pressure on yourself..as if you are in a job interview or something. In turn you also give her all the power, who is she to determine your worth? The key is to simply be yourself and not feel like there has to be any specific outcome.

A lot of men tend to think that their every interaction with a woman has to revolve around her, impressing her and acting like James Bond around her etc. That is nonsense.

Ever wonder why many guys can easily talk with other guys in public but have difficulty doing the same with women? It’s because when a man talks to another man he isn’t expecting any specific outcome, he’s just talking to another man...thus he isn’t bogged down with anxiety and awkwardness.

So try this, if you have the opportunity to interact with a woman, pretend she’s a guy! don’t expect any specific outcome and also know that she has to impress you too.

 

Persistance, the only way to approach women is to do it... of course you're gonna get rejected and it's going to hurt like a kick in the balls the first few times but practice and perseverance can do the difference.

That being said, I don't think is easy, at all... I struggle with this a lot but after a while you get used to it and just go with it, girls notice that sort of confidence even more so if you take things with a good sense of humor.