Determined to quit porn and death grip

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Distraught XO, Jun 11, 2019.

  1. Distraught XO

    Distraught XO Fapstronaut

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    35, M, new user here. Just got married 4 days ago and for the love of my sweet, young wife I hope this is the last time I have to get back up on the nofap horse.

    I've been watching porn since I was about 13, starting with porn magazines back in high school to internet videos more recently. But I successfully masturbated for the first time ever (and it was to porn) when I was 26. Funny, right? Well, I'd been trying to masturbate the conventional way, with my hand for years (with and without porn) but I just couldn't bring myself to orgasm. But I would have sex with girls and O normally, no problems. So I finally decided that masturbation probably wasn't for me. Went on watching porn and just getting hard, and that was it.
    Until I discovered the Thigh Squeeze at age 26.
    I was watching porn one morning on my pc while sitting in a chair and absently squeezing my hard dick between my thighs. And to my surprise, after a few minutes I felt the urge to O. I continued this until I sprayed it all on the floor right there. Since then I never looked back. Then one day, at 28 a girl came to visit and I couldn't even get hard for her. Embarrassed, she left. That day I mentally screamed out the names of all the gods I knew in absolute horror as I knew I was in big trouble. But still hadn't found out about PIED. I stayed away from attempting sex for two years, till I was 30 when I met another girl. We linked up and though I was hard through the foreplay, I lost hardness during penetration. She left and I cried my eyes out that night. However this girl was too sexy and I wasn't about to be defeated shamelessly again. So I got a drug and convinced her to come back. I did give it to her good this time, making her O multiple times but never cuming once myself. However I claimed victory this time but I knew I had a serious problem. Started my research and found out about PMO and nofap. Tried rebooting several times and relapsed several times. And that's how I knew I was a true, bonafide addict.
    Now I met my wife in 2017 and I'll be honest, every time we had sex, I used drugs to achieve and maintain hardness while in between I was desperately trying to reboot and constantly failing. My wife never knew about my problem but she did get irritated several times that I couldn't O while making love to her. At first I liked that I was nervous, hence my delayed ejaculation but I eventually admitted to her that I'd been masturbating but I was too ashamed to tell her that it was mostly to porn. Then I discovered that my wife also had a problem. Even though she was a virgin when we first met, she'd been masturbating too for sometime, tho never to porn. Hence she could not o during normal sex, only when she was touching herself or grinding hard on me without penetration.
    Now we've both decided to quit masturbation forever and ever, for both our sakes, and I, secretly to quit porn forever in this life (I'm still too ashamed to admit to her that I'd been using porn for a while).
    Now I'm in what I recognize to be the dreaded flatline. No libido, no morning wood. Been this way for weeks now. On our wedding night I had to use drugs again cos there was no way I was letting that night pass without making love to my wife. I know use of these drugs is probably not advisable but it was either that or just stare stupidly into my wife's face all night.
    What makes it worse for me is my method of masturbation. Death grip by thigh squeeze, which is the only way I've ever been able to o since I started masturbating. Sometimes I even o without achieving up to 50 percent erection. We decided we would be doing more of kissing and touching now until we both recover well enough to o normally from sex. It's a long road to recovery but we know we have to stay the course.

    Sorry for my lengthy post but I feel better now that I've put this out there.
     
  2. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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    Distraught XO likes this.
  3. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here is some quick links to get you started.

    - You can set up your day counter here
    - You can find the forum usage guide here
    - You can also find a guide to the basics of rebooting here
    - If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
    Distraught XO likes this.
  4. Hey & Welcome to NoFap Community! :)

    You are in the right place for recovery here. We are so glad to have you with us to beat this addiction together.

    You can go read some Success Stories in the "Success Stories" section to learn more about the benefits of NoFap , get useful tips and ideas to help you in the reboot.

    If you have any question about rebooting, you can ask it in the "Rebooting" section.


    And I would recommend you to make your own journal in the "Reboot logs" corresponding to your gender & age to track your everyday progress.
    You can also join challenges in the "Events & Challenges" section, to keep yourself motivated and focused.




    You may start by checking the links below:
    Learn more about Rebooting.
    Forum Usage Guide.
    List of Rebooting Ressources.





    Best of luck to you in your journey!





    -The Winner
     
    Distraught XO likes this.
  5. Ecoman

    Ecoman Fapstronaut

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    It’s good you two are able to take the journey together. The understanding will definitely help and remove the shame of trying to cover it up.
     
    Distraught XO likes this.
  6. JLG

    JLG New Fapstronaut

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    I think it is really precious for you and your wife decided to face this problem together
     
    Distraught XO likes this.
  7. path_finder

    path_finder Fapstronaut

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    How about the Feelings? Its all in your head man
     
  8. rahuldeo

    rahuldeo Fapstronaut

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    How long have you been on nofap
     
  9. Distraught XO

    Distraught XO Fapstronaut

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    As of today I'm on day 36 free of PMO.
     

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