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Diary! Dose is work?

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. This fight is in our minds. That is where we must engage the enemy and win the victory. Perhaps that will be the next battlefront for you.
     
  2. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 97: Success!

    Just checking in...
     
  3. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    Ninety days is a good achievement but depending on the depth and width of the highways to sin that you have built in your brain, it may take longer to feel the difference. However, don't succumb now. You are destroying those sinful pathways and you have made real progress that you can continue to build on. If you quit, you will likely binge for awhile and all of your hard work will have to begin anew.

    When you pray for the grace to continue the struggle, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the outcome of your temptations. What is the result of sin? What do you gain from it and what do you lose? Today, when I am tempted and I speak with the Holy Spirit, he immediately shows me the unvarnished, unpackaged reality of my temptation and sometimes I am shown a humiliating scene of myself committing sin. These are sobering thoughts and they do help keep me on the path. Equally, positive feelings from no longer being a victim to this sin are wonderful and refreshing. Keep going, you have made fantastic progress and more benefits await you.
     
    value, Lost Hope and Tao Jones like this.
  4. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    I don t know with what to start...

    A couple weeks ago i had a slipup with MO, i was depressed/demoralized/demotivated (still am) and started to mess around and unintentionally i MO. Why unintentionally? I was in a bad mood and i was trying to take the edge off by scrolling on some non nude anime pics and i was not vigilant and nude pic popped up and that was it. I was not vigilant at all, i should not had to take a peek at anything(nude or non nude).
    The good thing was that it worked,it took the edge off, i needed that.
    The bad thing was the chaser effect, it was hard, that was for about a week, but i was able to control it, no peek no nothing.

    I did not dare to say anything here because if i would have relapsed and started bingeing every day i would have been really embarrassed/ashamed, even confessing to this i feel embarrassed/ashamed. But the truth is that i should have said something.

    About a week ago i had one of the usual attempts, it was hard to say "NO" but managed to take control before it was to late. I really really hate this attempts, one of this attempts i will fall again and it will take me a long time to climb up again.

    Pray for me brothers, i got to far to go back in to the pit, it took me to long to get here, but this depression is trying to drag me back in to the pit, the devil is using this to drag me back.

    I see temptations everywhere and almost every day, that is in real life or on my PC, or at work or hearing some sex jokes where ever i am.

    Now its weekend again and i am trying to stay busy, i did the groceries, did the laundries, and some other things, now i m typing here some mixed thoughts just to stay busy, sorry for the long read.

    I will do my best to check in as usual, i can t do this alone. Pray for me, i m praying for you as well.
     
  5. I noticed your frequent check-ins dropped off. That is often the first sign that someone is slipping back into PMO. Perhaps you can consider have some 1-on-1 APs you check in with every day? It is easy for your absence to go unnoticed in a large group setting like this forum. It is much harder to drop off the radar of a small group of APs who are invested in your personal recovery.
     
    Wilderness Wanderer likes this.
  6. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    I figured that i would give that impression if i don t check in, that s why i decided to say something now before it was to late and give the wrong impression.

    I considered an AP, but that would be to personal for me, i would not be to conformable with that, i need my space. Its much easier to talk with someone i don t know him/her about some sensitive problems. I never told anyone about my PMO problem, even my ex, i am to afraid to admit it to anyone i know... i don t know why...
     
  7. Confession and accountability in a face-to-face relationship were the only things that worked for me. We must become willing to do whatever it takes to get free. until we do, we will remain trapped. None of us is strong enough to do this on our own.
     
  8. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    I know, but i cant take that step, is to close to my comfort zone, i don t let anyone inside my comfort zone. Maybe if i had a wife/girlfriend that i would have an intimate relationship (not from a sexual perspective), maybe i will be able to confess some things.

    I tried for years to do it alone, it did not worked, when i found this forum, things started to work out for me, here i am now, moths of no PMO (except the peeks i had here an there :( ).
    Who knows, if would not found this forum probably i would be in deep ogling at P every day and PMO 5 times a day every day... yah, i was there in my early 20's.
     
    WilliamTheChristian likes this.
  9. Sounds like you have some trust issues to work on, too. Not at all uncommon for addicts.

    Do as the Spirit leads. We get out of recovery what we are willing to put into it.
     
    value likes this.
  10. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 120: Success!

    So here i am , 120, never thought i will get here... i can t say to much, not in the mood right now, i was a at a meeting yesterday and there i started talking with a friend, i had a good time with her, but she got my interest in the meantime, she was giving me the interest look in the past but i ignored her like an idiot because of my PMO. But now i tried to approach her with my rusty/unconfident approaching skill, and i got indirectly friendzoned. That made me more discouraged to approach other women... there is much more to this encounter i had, but i don t want to go in to much details.

    Yes, i don t trust anyone, i have my friends, family... but they have limit how close they can get to me. Don t get me wrong, i m not saying to them " that s far enough", i m not that guy who is pushing everyone away, i did that with the ones who were dragging me down/wrong path.

    Thank you for taking the time to read, i can t say to much, i have to go to work now, i hope i m in the mood do my job properly...
     
  11. Lost Hope likes this.
  12. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    This is a journey but not one without a destination. Seeking freedom from PMO has many benefits but truly the main one is a close, trusting and loving relationship with the most supreme being in the universe. Indeed, this is not only the main benefit but the real purpose of the struggle. Let Our Precious Lord into your heart. Let Him fill it with the Father's love. Let Him guide you in all things and thereby take away your worries. Crave the understanding that Our Precious Lord is seeking a one to one relationship with you.
     
    Lost Hope, value and Tao Jones like this.
  13. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 122: Success!

    Just checking in, not much to say, just the usual thoughts and triggers i se everywhere and depressed.

    I have tried to do this for years, unfortunately some of them i still don t see them fixed, maybe i will just have to wait a little longer...
     
  14. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    I fully sympathize with you. When things are dark and getting darker, it is hard to trust that it is all part of God's plan and that His plan is the best thing for us.

    When we lost our 25 year old daughter to cancer several years ago, it was hard to see God's hand in that. The many times my industry went through a downturn and layoffs were at risk, it was hard to trust God would see me through. When I consider how much easier it would be if God would simply take away the temptations of the flesh, it is hard to understand why He doesn't do that.

    However, after our daughter's death, we were assured that she was safely in heaven and frankly, had she lived, the lifestyle she was leading may not have taken her there. Despite every round of layoffs in my industry, I was never laid off. So, I trust that by not taking away the temptations of the flesh from me, Our Precious Lord knows what is best for me. The struggle against sin, is making me a better person.
     
    Lost Hope and value like this.
  15. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 124: Success!

    All good so far, some small temptations here and there.

    I m sorry for your loss, this must be/was incredibly difficult for you. Seeing your faith after you have gone trough such hard times, to be honest i wish i had your faith, i don t know how i would have reacted.
    True, i have my problems/worries to,i have described some of them in some posts here, the biggest one now is that i fully expect to get conscripted by next spring/summer with the tensions in Ukraine.
    I don t want that, all i want is a good life, find a girl, marry her, have kids and live a happy life.
     
  16. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    It is more and more obvious to me that faith is a choice rather than an attribute out with our control. To the faithful, the signs of God's works are everywhere we look. To those who don't wish to believe, they see none of this. I do thank God for introducing me to faith and showing me the works of His hand but I acknowledge my role in seeking greater faith.

    I worked in the Russian tundra for three years when I was younger. I made many friends there and I came to admire them all for their good humor and determination in the face of challenges. I pray you are not conscripted. War is a horrible thing, no matter how just or unjust the cause may be. If you are conscripted, know that Our Lord did not look down on soldiers who acted honorably. He recognized they were doing the job they were given. Retain your honor in the treatment of innocent people and cling to your faith because the hope it provides will save you.

    Thanks for the insight into your life, it will help me pray for you more passionately. May God bless you today and everyday.
     
    Lost Hope, value and Tao Jones like this.
  17. I live with a perverted antiChristian dad who divorced and remarried many times. My mom also divorced and remarried. My cousin might be a prostitute. My brother defends prostitutes. Basically, I am from a perverted family. I'm sorry that you live in an environment of temptations. I know how it is.
    I'm sorry to hear that you PMO'd. I have all imahes blocked on my internet browsers, so I can't be the victim of unsolicited sexual or nude images. I know the internet is never a good place for me to MO: the internet is mostly very perverted.
     
    Lost Hope likes this.
  18. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 125: Success!

    Its weekend again... its really difficult to stay vigilant in my free day, pray for me so i can fight the temptations, i had plenty this week that can set me off.

    Thank You, it means a lot to me, God Bless you!

    Yah, it was/is my first silpup, i was not vigilant, but i m glad that i did not slipup the next day and the next day, etc... If i was not be able to fight the chaser effect, i would not be here now.
    I tried to use P blockers to, but it blocks/restricts to much, and some of them are completely unrelated to sex/nude videos/images.
     
    WilliamTheChristian likes this.
  19. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    We are part flesh and part spirit. Our flesh is weak and will always be vulnerable to temptation. The best course of action is subject ourselves to as little temptation as possible. Anything less is playing with fire.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  20. RedeemedIowan

    RedeemedIowan Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Lost Hope sounds like you are growing and progressing. Congrats! I completely relate to how you feel with not feeling free after so many days of success. It seems like you are very attracted to the dopamine high of ‘searching’ out images. I am the same way and going into ‘hunt’ mode is precisely what I am tracking and trying to avoid. Onwards!!
     
    Lost Hope likes this.

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