Diary! Dose is work?

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 50: Success!

    Wow, i actually made it to day 50! Tbh, i did not expected to get here...
    Ten more days and i will set a new personal world record!

    Thank You all for your support and prayers, God Bless You!
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  2. Congrats on 50 days of freedom. It is a tremendous milestone.

    May God be as fresh and real to you tomorrow as he is today. Onward.
     
  3. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 51: Success!

    I just had a stupid dream and i hope i will forget it as fast as possible!

    The thoughts are still a problem, but lately i m starting to shut them down faster, not fast enough but i m making progress here (at least i hope so).

    Thank You, it means a lot to me!

    I did not had streak this long in years, so yes, is a tremendous milestone for me! I think this year i had less PMO sessions than any other year, but is not enough :(
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  4. Congratulations. I pray your fellowship with the Lord is growing exponentially closer and that your desire will be increasingly for Him.
     
  5. Don't be discouraged by this. You are making good progress. God is pleased by your efforts and he is honoring them within you. We get free and stay free one day at a time. Choose him and his way today. That is all you ever need to do. It is enough. he will grant you strength and walk alongside you every step of the way.
     
  6. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 52: Success!

    Is Saturday, new weekend here... last weekend i almost relapsed, lets see if i can do better this time.

    I m trying to, but is discouraging not to see any results yet, is still did not got rid of social anxiety , approach anxiety, this feeling of loneliness is getting stronger every day, i usually got rid of this feeling by PMO, but now that not a option, and i pray it will never be.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  7. Did you have the social anxiety before PMO?
     
  8. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Before PMO not sure. I started MO at 14/15 and P at 20.

    I don think this is related to my social anxiety but here we go!
    Tbh, i don t know how to explain it... I will try to be short: I remember when i was 9 10 yo, my mother was angry because i was spending to much time on TV and she told me to go outside and play with the kids, make new friends... I said ok, and i went to make friends with a kid that nobody liked him, i did know the reason why. We played for a while but he liked to be the dominant/alpha male. For what ever reason we argued and he pulled a knife and came behind me and started to "cut" my neck, i was lucky that he had a dull knife, and i ended up only with some scratches, that was my first "near death experience".
    For a few years i did not liked to make new friends because of that. At 14/15 i discovered M and it was... fun..., i had no problems making friends at that time, but when P came in to my life at 20, i was that awkward guy ho had no interest in anything.

    At 23 i was in relationship with a girl, i liked her, but PMO was on top. Never told her about my PMO addiction, but somehow i felt that she knew about it, she tryd to tell me things about it, but i had no "balls" to confess/admit it... After a while we broke up, different reasons. Since then i had no long term relationships because of my approach anxiety.

    Now, i have women that are interested in me, but i have this feeling of anxiety/rejection and i m not confident to approach them. Especially now that i m on reboot, i don t want to mess it up.

    I know, is a long answer... but i m looking forward for your opinion.

    Sorry if bad eng or expression.
     
  9. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience when you were young. That would explain why your would be experiencing anxiety about meeting new people. I would encourage you to try making friends in church. Typically the people you meet there are ethical. The same goes with girls. Look for ones who are Christian and want to start pure until marriage.
     
  10. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 53: Success!

    I forgot to mention, the girls are from the church i go.
    Since i started nofap, i want/need to get married, but i see that is to far in the future because of my anxiety... :(
    Pray for me in this quest.
     
  11. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    You are doing great work and please be assured that the power these temptations have within you will continue to dwindle to the point that they are no stronger than a puff of air. Be patient and thankful for the struggle. Nothing worthwhile is easy and so something as incredibly wonderful as a close and personal relationship with Our Precious Lord requires the kind of effort you are exerting. Keep striving, freedom is definitely worth the effort and the degree of effort required will diminish with each passing day.
     
    Tao Jones and Myfortress like this.
  12. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 56: Success!

    One more week down!
    Thoughts, urges, cravings, are still here... so far so good, i can manage them.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
    Tao Jones likes this.
  13. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    Fantastic! Almost at the two month mark. Keep striving for freedom and remain wary of the tricks of the devil. When life throws you a curve ball, the devil will seek to use this opportunity to tempt you back. Don't let the bastard win! Keep up your regular prayer habit with all of your heart come what may. I am praying for you.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  14. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 58: Success! (barely)

    I had some strong cravings/temptations/thoughts that almost made me to type "something" on my keyboard, that moment i said: "really?!?! you got so far and you are flushing it down the toilet?"
    The devil knows that i surpassed my previous record of no PMO and he is doing everything to make me relapse.

    Two more days and i will have the two months mark. I have to be strong! Onward!
     
    CPilot likes this.
  15. Stand firm and do not go back into the pit of sin and death again. You are doing well. Enjoy your freedom in Christ! Rest in him and his peace.
     
    Better Man Today likes this.
  16. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 59: Success!

    Almost there!

    Weekend again, i can t wait for weekend s when i m at work to have some well deserved rest. But now when its weekend i hate it, i have to be extra careful... free time is my biggest enemy.
    Cravings are getting stronger day by day!
     
  17. Easy solution: No free time. I keep my schedule completely booked. I even schedule my rest and down time with fun activities that I always enjoy. If I'm ever in a lull moment, I just look at my calendar and get refocused on the next task, whatever it may be. Wonderfully helpful, at least to me.
     
  18. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    I know, but the thing is that i want/need free time to take a brake from anything. But all this free time i want and have, is biting me back! I started to do some research on NoFap studies today and came across some "names" that i did not know and went to wiki to find the definition, unfortunately it had pictures...
    I actually google it to be more sure that it was the right meaning of the "name" and clicked on images , big mistake! When i realized what it was, i closed it immediately... i did not stared or anything, but that sec while it took me to close it hit me hard...

    Note to self, "NO MORE RESEARCH ON SEX RELATED SUBJECTS"!

    Even on this forum you can find triggers everywhere. This morning i had to report someone... A few minutes later when i check d, he was gone and the topic he opened!
    The devil doesn t want anyone anywhere to avoid the "pit of mud and filth"...

    Now i will go to take shower and try to erase that sec of images from my head...
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2021
    Tao Jones likes this.
  19. Lost Hope

    Lost Hope Fapstronaut

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    Day 60: Success (barely)

    Two months down!

    So, is official, this is the longest streak i ever had! I m amazed that i got this far.
    From now on, every day is a new record.

    Thank You all for your support and prayers!

    No significant improvements here after 60 days, but here we go:

    * Social anxiety not gone, but is starting to.
    * Approach anxiety not gone, tbh i did not even tried, i don t think i m ready
    * Fear of rejection not gone
    * Craving intimacy, when i was on PMO i was drowning myself in PMO so i had no problem with this
    * Less triggers from thoughts
    * Less triggers from nudity in movies
    * less triggers from sex scenes in movies, I started watching a TV show that has some nudity and sex scenes, nothing to explicit. Usually when i was seeing those type o scenes i was on P sites, now i calmly skip the scene, i know that i m playing with fire here, but i m happy that i m beginning control somethings in my life.

    On physical side i see some sights of recovery:

    * MW almost every day
    * MW a bit stronger some times
    * MW lasts a bit longer while i m bed
    * Still losing erection really fast when i m standing up
    * Less hair loss, Noticeable after showers, i don t have to clean the shower drain that often
    * I go to the restroom every day, usually it was every four or five days
    * I feel that i have more energy when i wake up
    * Now i sleep ten to twelve hours some times, this explains why i have more energy in the morning
     
    Myfortress and Tao Jones like this.

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