Diary! Dose is work?

I know, and i m the one who keeps telling to others: " don t peek, not even at one image, because one image leads to another and so on" ... like i did

I m praying every day for that, but for some reason it did not work this time.

Two hours of prayer?! i don t know how to pray for two hours, i don t know what to say in two hours or even close... I pray about two to five minutes, if i pray longer that that, i m starting mumbling the same words over and over like a broken record...

I have not used my phone in two years for P, my main portal for P is my desktop, and its in my bedroom.

It was late that day, i had no were to go. I could have gone for a walk o something, but i was to tired or just to lazy...

Never said it was not P, i said hanime because that made to slip, this is my problem/addiction that triggers me (normal P to).
P has many shapes and forms, reading a sex story is still P, using my imagination can be considered P.

All i know is that i m in recovery, at least i m trying to. Over two months without a slip is a huge achievement for me, i did not have two months in the last two years combined.
Abstaining for over two months in one streak, i never achieved that since i started M at 14-15.

I don t know , I tasted over two months of freedom, and i like it (kind of, because no PMO brings others that i don t like, like loneliness, frustration, anger, etc...)

I did that to, but once it was not enough to stop it.


First of all, i want to say Thank You to all of you that helped to get here (prayers, tips, encouragement, etc...), i don t think i would have got this far without your support.

I have one question: Should i consider this a relapse, should i reset? If yes, is gonna be disappointing for me to toss al that away and start over, but i understand if so. So please be straight with your answer.

PS: Sorry if bad english or expression and if i offended anyone in any way what i said above.

 

So is a relapse... ok then, this two months i will consider them a "Practice run" and a huge achievement.

Day 0: Here we go again!

 

Relapsed again after one week, the urges were to strong... I prayed every day for power to abstain from PMO, so many broken promises to God...
Is getting harder and harder to fight with this sin....i don t know what to do anymore.

 

I was/am to discouraged. I lost my motivation...

 

Day 3: Success!

I m back! (i hope so). I was busy last few days, Christmas and all...We had a family reunion for holidays and i was not home for a few days so i was busy for a while to stay away from PMO.
I m still disappointed on my relapse and i lack motivation to fight, but this doesn t mean i have given up, i will have my ups and downs...

Merry Christmas and God Bless you!

 

Day 4: Success!

So, urges are strong, i m struggling now that i have free time, i m not working until next week so i have plenty of time to fail...

 

Day 5: Success!

No problems on this day, i was busy all day, i shoveled snow all day to keep busy and it worked.

It helps, at least for me it did. Since i started this journal, i was able to abstain for two months, i never achieved this in 15 y. You can start a journal in journal section or on this group like i did, or you can post here if you want, i don t mind.

For now i want to rest in this free time, i need a break from work, i m tired... What i enjoy is to stay home and play video games on my PC, i know is dangerous to stay at my P portal, but i have no other choice, like i said a while ago that i m not very social...

 

Day 6: Relapse....

This time, not even a week... I have no excuse... I thought i had it this time... i m so upset, is like a nightmare that i wish it was just a nightmare....Why is so hard to get rid of this addiction?!!

 

Day 1: Success! (barely)

It was hard, the chaser effect was strong, still is...

That was exactly what happened to me when i lost the two months streak...