Hello dear Brothers, A few days ago, I accidentally unearthed my NoFap account while sorting through old emails. I had created my account in 2016. Back then, I do not believe that I was aware of the existence of such a solid Christian group. In the past few days, I have eagerly scrolled through some of your journals and threads and it is difficult to describe how good an impact it has had on my soul. I can assure you, dear fellow soldiers of Christ, that I am lifting all of you in prayer, morning and evening, before the Throne of Grace. "And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight." (1 John 3. 22). I know many of you pray as well, thank you. And the revealed Word of God makes it clear : "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" (1 Thess. 4. 3 NKJV). This is forum is, I believe, the Gospel at work, 21st Century style. What better use could we make of the Internet, where all sorts of immorality reigns (porn being, sadly, one of many) than to humble ourselves before God and before one another and obey the Word of God: "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. (James 5. 15 NKJV) On this verse John Calvin comments : "(...) [James] connects mutual prayer with mutual confession; by which he intimates that confession [benefits] for this end, that we may be helped as to God by the prayers of our [brothers]; for they who know our necessities, are stimulated to pray that they may assist us; but they to whom our diseases are unknown are more [delayed] to bring us help." Maybe, if we focus on our own sinfulness, it is difficult to see it; but I firmly believe that our Lord delights in what is going on here and he that he wills to assist us all with the help of the Holy Spirit. I did not intially come here for help. But reading through the forum I realized how much I was in danger. I recommited to Christ on Easter 2019 and have attended church regularly since and taken communion, which I believe are absolutely vital for a Christian. But I do not have any form of accountablity in my life (my church was unfortunatly a bit imporesonal and we had not groups to open up about that). Sin, as we all know, is very to hide behind a Bible, a hymnal and a polite smile after a worship service. I have this desire to be known, I believe we all do and I believe this is a great place to do that. It is easy to feel like we can belong here. My goal is here is to make short, concise (that is going to take some supernatural power!) updates in order to: 1. share what God is doing in my life (not just focus on sin, but worship him by being honest and transparent) 2. prepare a way, make my heart ready for future temptation and trials by learning from you and participating in the forum and learning to turn to my brothers before it is too late 3. humbly serve you and encourage my brothers (and some sisters here maybe? I don't know) (4. Find APs — a few brothers have responded to my post for APs and I am very thankful. But feel free to ask and I will tell you if I can do it). I recently moved back to my birth country (and birth city, which spiritually is very significant for my familiy and I, a return to the region where we have our roots). I had been looking for a new church for a few months. It was not easy to find a one because I know very well what I want in terms of doctrine and I am very strict with this. Here in Europe it is not always easy to have choice like in the UK or in the US. (And there are much fewer churches in general.) I was visiting a church for the 3rd time this morning and I left with the assurance that I was in the right place, which was a huge weight of my back. The sermon was gold and I introduced myself to the leading pastor and we will soon meet. The Lord is good I am telling you! I have posted a draft of my testimony in my profile under "information". I am currently working on writing the story of how God saved me but it takes time and I will post the information there at some point. When it is done, I hope it will be of some encouragement to some. I have never shared my story and nobody but God knows it because I lived a secret life of sin for about about two decades. For pointers, it will be about growing up in a Christian cult, decades of struggling with mental illness, depression, syndromes of depersonalization and derealization, a psychopathological rejection of men while idolizing some, PTSD, the hatred of my poor emotionally unequipped mother towards me, a quest for truth and victory over sin that lead me a couple times in psychatric ER, a decades of struggle with and eventually freedom from homosexuality, my rebellion and my hatred of (a false) God but being unable to escape him and finally encoutering the Truth that set me free. All the while I did not do much but doubt him, crucify him anew with my sin. But that is a story for another day. I love you brothers, thank you all for your bold commitment to letting the Father of Light shine the glory of his only Son your life, through the Holy Spirit. Let us keep sharing and praying for one another. In Christ, m.
Welcome! I am glad God has brought us together. We are enriched by your presence here, and I hope we will be a blessing to you, as well.
Thank you Tao. It sure is a blessing to be able to look up to 500+ brothers. Thank you for all the heart and time you put into this forum.
Yesterday, I was attending a potential future church and I was very excited to hear the lead pastor finally preached on my third visit (I have exensively checked online prior to visiting). It was beyon my expectations... he delivered a very good sermon on Psalm 143. It is in accordance to the "method" I have found works against sin, that is how I finally grasped that any victory over sin came not from fighting with our strenght but stemmed a true relationship with our Heavenly Father through Christ and with the Help of the Holy Spirit). The sermon is very well thought and structured and so I translated my notes to share them here. I pray this will be of some comfort and help for all of us warriors of Christ or for non-Christians who might be weary and beaten down by sin, looking for the only cure ! Note: when it says: "pray" these were mere suggestions from the pastors for a battleplan against sin over the summer. I truly enjoyed this and I am very thrilled to share this with you guys. I am so thankful to have a pastor who gives battleplans to fight sin in my life. Sermon (Untitled) on Psalm 143 – personal notes 1. Background situation for this Psalm • David is struggling, he is in prayer "Lord hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy" v.1 • His conscience is active: he acknowledges he is a sinner, unrighteous before God: "no one living is righteous before you." v.2 • He knows about the forgiveness of God. "Do not bring your servant into judgment" v. 2 • He knows God is merciful with repentant sinners • We are never justified by any of our merits: "no one living is righteous before you." v. 2 • David knows God will listen because of His faithfulness and righteousness • David uses the name of Yahweh: the name used in the OT for the covenants, • David knows that justice implies the judgment of those who do evil. 2. Situation of the psalmist • King David is fighting an enemy. "The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground. (He may have been fleeing his son Absalom according to LXX title) • "My spirit is overwhelmed within me" v. 4 • How to escape? • This psalm offers a path to escape hardship through PRAYER and REMEMBERING ("I remember the days of old, I meditate on all your works…" v. 5) • He asks God to act, he begs, implores. Why would God not deliver his servant once again like he has done in the past with his servant and also with his people? • David has done the right choice: praying to God 3. Petitions of the psalmist v. 7 to 12 • Is deliverance obvious/certain for David at that point? No! (faith!) • For every Christian there is the temptation to rely on our own strength and do/find deliverance without the Lord or apart from him (image : to let Jesus be a mere tire instead of the stirring wheel) 3.1 Petition for communion with God. Before deliverance! ○ Fear to be rejected by God is a consequence of the belief that we need own perfection to approach him. Sin > wrath of God > placed on Jesus-Christ at the Cross ♦ There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8. 1 ♦ [Nothing] shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8. 38 ♦ Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. Hebrews 10. 22 ○ We must always reject sin, fight and resist BUT God lets himself be found (many verses in OT and NT) ○ We must DESIRE communion with God (before fighting sin) ○ But even BEFORE being able to DESIRE HIM, WE MUST ask him to place HIS thirst for HIM in our hearts ○ Pray: "Lord create in me a genuine thirst for you" 3.2 Petition for guidance ○ David wants to discern God's will ○ v. 8: "cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning" ○ David's desires: ♦ "Teach me to do your will." v. 10 ♦ To be lead, to know the right way ("Lead me in the land of uprightness." v. 10 ○ Remember order: 1st communion with God -> 2nd Desire for obedience -> 3rd Deliverance (final consequence, not the first step) ○ God desires to answer us according to his own counsel/will ○ But he desires our obedience, guided by his will ○ Any good comes from the presence of God in our lives. That is God's will and plan. ○ Pray: "Lord make me obedient". "Teach me to do your will." v. 10 ○ If not enough, pray also that "God works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." (Philippians 2. 13) 3.3 Hope for deliverance from God ○ "Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake! For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble." v. 11 ○ Trust God in all circumstances and tell him about your needs: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4. 6) ○ -> "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." ((Philippians 4. 7) ○ David lived under the Old Covenant. His circumstances are different. ○ [We have a better assurance (Christ + the complete revelation of God, his Word – personal note] ○ We have a different enemy: "your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." (1 Peter 5. 8) ○ Satan was vanquished at the Cross but can still harm us until his final judgment and destruction ○ We must ask God to deliver us ○ Pray: "Put in my heart a desire to resist the Devil." The final deliverance is not mentioned in this psalm (we are left to wonder at the end). Prayer: put in my heart true abhorrence of sin, of everything that would turn me away from You. Because of your faithfulness, because I am your child. All verses are taken from NKJV at Biblegateway.com The Lord keep you brothers, m.
I can see why. I think NoFap does not allow people to talk about religion except in a Christian group or in a journal. Some users still talk about religion outside of those areas though. Ha! But I've also come across some users who seem to hate Christianity. I help raise awareness of Christian groups in my profile signature.
Today I was blessed with this Tabletalk devotional article on the first commandment. Here are a few highlights (all emphasis mine). The entire article can be found here. Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.” Idolatry lies at the heart of all other sins. Before human beings transgress any other law, Paul tells us in Romans 1:18–32, they fail to honor God as God—to set Him above all else—and fail to thank Him, turning instead to other deities. If we do not honor the Lord alone as God, we will fail to keep every other commandment. The first commandment is broader, covering all forms of idolatry, including both fashioning gods out of wood, stone, or metal and the devotion of our souls to anything above the Lord. Idolatry has many forms, so any of us can fall into it. Our idols may not be figurines of deities but rather culturally acceptable things such as money, power, and fame. Still, if anything comes first in our lives and affections but our Creator, we are committing idolatry. I remember from a teaching that love in the Bible is not merely a feeling, it is the sum of feeling + action together. True love will come with actions: prayer, searching Scriptures tirelessly, accepting the rebukes of the Spirit when He convicts us of sin. I believe we have all been able to experience, to some extent, the freedom and holiness that flow from putting first our Creator. We might be inconsistent sometimes and fall often in our attempts to do so, but it is the only path to freedom and peace. Let us confess our failures and receive the forgiveness of God through Christ and move on. Let us abandon our attempts to become holy and pure through our own efforts. Let us pray that God Himself place in our hearts a genuine love for his person, his holiness, for his Word and for prayer. I pray the Lord makes us all to abide in Him. In Christ, m.
A couple years ago, I lost a tooth entirely. The tooth I lost is at the back, 3rd to last and it does not show when I smile. About six months months ago, I lost a crown next to it (towards the front). It got fixed twice but kept falling. When I smiled, it would now show. Over the following weeks and months, I developped the very awkard habit of putting my tongue in the now 2-tooth wide gap. Yesterday, my amazing new dentist found a temporary solution. She carved a nice temporary tooth and now I can smile again. Today though, I already caught myself 3 times smiling with my tongue between my teeth. The old habit will stick with me for a while. Last night, I was very tired but when I went to bed I could not sleep as it is often the case. Within minutes, I caught my hand beginning to slide down my underpants. It was not conscious, it was like this habit of putting my tongue between my teeth when I smile. My hand failed to make it all the way where it wanted to go—I caught it with my brain. I was shocked though. I have not struggled in about a month with P nor M. But I have built this association between being in bed and masturbating to soothe my sleep struggles (with the anxiety that come with it) with MO. From age 12 to age 32, it was daily. I could not even sleep without it. I did not struggle nor sinned last night, but I felt dirty and sinful still: I realized how I have worked for years to imprint sinful behaviors in my brain that now seem to have a life of their own now. I need to repent not only for conscious sin we commit every day, but also for past sin when it manifests itself so clearly in my life. And not only build new habits with the help of the Holy Spirit but ask him to destroy the ones we have built in the past. I pray the Lord keep us all pure and cleanse our minds from old sinful habits, and that the Holy Spirit renews our intelligence through Scriptures. How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:9-10. (NIV)
Today I celebrated my first month clean from PMO... in years. I take it as a gift and I am humbled at this manifestation of the grace of Christ in my life. It is a small but meaningful victory. I have to confess that I have not set up many protections against temptation: my web browser and my phone are unprotected. I have cleaned my contact list though. This was important since I was a daily user of virtual sex, through messaging apps, with regular partners. I was, like all of us in Christ, exhausted and disgusted at my sin and I desired to take God at his word and believe that if I did my part: worship him, praise him, fill my day with him, he would make sin less attractive. Like the hymn (already quoted on this forum) goes: Turn your eyes upon Jesus (...) and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim. He has done exactly that. My method for fighting has been to use a very simple BCT methode to wake up early (it consists of conditionning your mind to wake up with a certain sound. I takes half an hour to program your brain for this. I cannot naturally wake up in the morning (since childhood). As soon as I am awake I start praising God. At that point I am barealy functionning and my brain is foggy. I use an Orthodox book of prayers I found on the internet in the morning. I am not an Orthodox but I like the prayers because they focus on God. (I printed my own edited version without the lines referring to the Saints/Fathers and to Mary since I do not pray them). I like to focus on God and not on myself or my needs to start the day. These prayers have really helped to change my thought patterns in the morning. I read them since I have not memorized them. This is my first prayer: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Glory to thee, our God, glory to thee. O heavenly King, O Comforter, the Spirit of truth, who art in all places and fillest all things; Treasury of good things and Giver of life: Come and dwell in us and cleanse us from every stain, O gracious Lord. Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal: have mercy on us. (Thrice)Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. All-holy Trinity, have mercy on us. Lord, cleanse us from our sins. Master, pardon our iniquities. Holy God, visit and heal our infirmities for thy Name's sake. Lord, have mercy. (Thrice)Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Then I say this prayer: Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: Arising from sleep I thank thee, O holy Trinity, because of the abundance of thy goodness and long-suffering thou wast not wroth with me, slothful and sinful as I am; neither hast thou destroyed me in my transgressions: but in thy compassion raised me up, as I lay in despair; that at dawn I might sing the glories of thy Majesty. Do thou now enlighten the eyes of my understanding, open my mouth to receive thy words, teach me thy commandments, help me to do thy will, confessing thee from my heart, singing and praising thine All-holy Name: of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen. I had never used prayer books until last year but I found comfort in having this frame. Sometimes I will say or sing a hymn of worship as well. Then I make a cup of coffee and get to work: I read a chapter of the Bible and study it with commentaries (I use the Bible Hub website). And then I turn on my phone and I like to come here for updates. Sometimes during the day, if I feel bored, overwhelmed, sad, I turn to God. If I am not able to talk to God I use the book of prayers. Coming from an Evangelical background, I have never been used to this form of prayer. I remain firmly opposed to vain religosity, supersitious and repetitive prayers and I do not pray out of guilt or pressure. But I have found this routine to be fruitful for my soul and there is something touching with using prayers written by our brothers from the first Centuries that have been used for two millenia or so. I am sure many other methods would work. This is just mine. What I believe is important is that the more we fill our minds with God and the more we worship him and study is holy Word, the less room there is for sin in the mind. Not only has he kept me pure but I have found myself much less prone to depression and anxiety. My anxiety levels have dropped and also, when I go to sleep (I say prayers then too) I am always looking forward to coming back to God the next morning. I thank all of you who pray on this forum. I find comfort in knowing that we genuinely pray for each other as the Bible instructs us to do. Prayer is a mighty weapon. I am often moved when I read about your stories and struggles and this willingness to be open and accountable is a treasure. It makes me desire to pray more. Some of you regulars have made it in my prayer list along with my APs and also I pray for the visitors and those who simply read and do not comment. The Lord keep us all. Let us abide in him and he will set us free. I am looking forward to continuing this journey with you. m.
Thank you for your gracious prayers and wonderful inspirational insight. May the Lord bless you and all who visit this site with the inspiration of a heart filled with the Father's love.
This is a (personal) shorter version of How to Mortify Sin, an article by a teacher I love very much. The article can be found here and I recommend you read it instead of my version. But I wrote this outline so it's a quicker read. It sums up pretty well all I believe regarding how Christians should address and fight sin and also what I have experienced in my life. How to Mortify Sin? (Sinclair Ferguson) First: Turn to the Scriptures. Human sources, counselors (dear or alive) are good. But we have the word of God, a much better source to help us put sin to death. Several passages to study: Romans 8:13; Romans 13:8–14; 2 Corinthians 6:14–7:1; Ephesians 4:17–5:21 ; Colossians 3:1–17; 1 Peter 4:1–11; 1 John 2:28–3:11. Note : only two of these passages contain the verb mortify (“put to death”). Colossians 3:1–17 is probably the best place to begin. The context of each of these passages is about more than putting sin to death. This is very important. Paul writes to young Christians who had entered Grace after conversion from paganism to Christ. After experiencing freedom, they discover the painful “not yet” of ongoing sanctification. The temptation for quick fixes makes young Christians vulnerable. The Colossians were, like we are, in danger of turning to promises of quick fixes to deep problems through: 1. False teachers 2. Promises of a higher spiritual life: higher-life and holiness movements, ascetism… That is what Paul feared. (Col. 2:8, 16). Holiness-producing methods were in vogue (21 “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” 22 (referring to things perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? Col. 2:21–22) — and they seemed to be deeply spiritual, just the thing for earnest young believers. But, in fact, “they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (23 These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. Col. 2:23). Only an understanding of how the Gospel works, not new methods, can provide an adequate foundation and pattern for dealing with sin. This is the theme of Colossians 3:1–17. How, then, does Paul teach us to do this? 1. By being familiar with our new identity in Christ (3:1–4) We are Christ’s We have a new identity We are no longer “in Adam” but “in Christ” no longer in the flesh, but in the Spirit no longer dominated by the old creation but living in the new (Rom. 5:12–21; 8:9; 2 Cor. 5:17) we have died with Christ (Col. 3:3) we have even been buried with Christ, 2:12) we have been raised with Him (3:1) our life is hidden with Him (3:3) so united to Christ are we that Christ will not appear in glory without us (3:4). I have been delivered from the dominion of sin I am free and motivated to fight against the remnants of sin in my heart. Principle number one, then, is: Know, rest in, think through, and act upon your new identity—you are in Christ. 2. Paul exposes the workings of sin in every area of our lives (Col. 3:5–11) All sin must be dealt with. Paul lists the manifestation of sin in private life (v. 5), everyday public life (v. 8), and church life (vv. 9–11; “one another,” “here,” = in the church fellowship). 3. Practical guidance for mortifying sin Often today, Christians go to Paul to tell them what to do and then to the local Christian bookstore to discover how to do it! We do not linger long enough over what Paul is saying. We do not sink our thinking deeply into the Scriptures. Whenever Paul issues an exhortation, he surrounds it with hints as to how we are to put it into practice: notice how this passage helps to answer our “how to?” questions. 3.1. Learn to admit sin for what it really is. Call it: “sexual immorality”not “I’m being tempted a little” “impurity” not “I’m struggling with my thought life”“evil desire, which is idolatry”not “I think I need to order my priorities a bit better.” This pattern runs right through this whole section. This powerfully unmasks self-deceit and helps us to: unmask sin lurking in the hidden corners of our hearts! 3.2. See sin for what your sin really is in God’s presence “On account of these the wrath of God is coming” (3:6). My sin leads not lasting pleasure but to holy divine displeasure. See the true nature of your sin in the light of its punishment. Too easily do we think that sin is less serious in Christians than it is in non-believers: “It’s forgiven, isn't it?” Not if we continue in it (1 John 3:9)! Take a heaven’s-eye view of sin and feel the shame of that in which you once walked (Col. 3:7; see also Rom. 6:21). 3.3. Recognize the inconsistency of your sin You (have) put off the “old man” and have put on the “new man” (3:9–10) You are no longer the “old man.” The identity you had “in Adam” is gone.The old man was “crucified with [Christ] in order that the body of sin [probably ‘life in the body dominated by sin’] might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin” (Rom. 6:6). New men live new lives. Anything less than this is a contradiction of who I am “in Christ.” 3.4 Put sin to death (Col. 3:5) It is as “simple” as that: Refuse it, starve it, and reject it. You cannot “mortify” sin without the pain of the kill. There is no other way! But notice: Paul sets this in a broader context : putting sin to death (a negative task) must come with the positive call to “put on” the Lord Jesus Christ (Rom. 13:14). Paul spells this out in Colossians 3:12–17. Sweeping the house clean simply leaves us open to a further invasion of sin. We must understand the “glorious exchange” principle of the gospel of grace, then we will begin to make some real advance in holiness. Sinful desires and habits are not only rejected, but exchanged for Christ-like graces (3:12) and actions (3:13) when we are clothed in Christ’s character and His graces are held together by love (v. 14) not only in our private life but also in the church fellowship (vv. 12–16) then Christ’s name and glory are manifested and exalted in and among us (3:17)
Today's been the hardest day so far. I'm in my 6th week. Constant battle today. Fantasies trying to creep in. Excuses and self-pity. Loneliness. I it has to do with poor sleep lately. I hope it's just that. Trying to take a nap... but it makes think even harder. I pray I don't fall. Tomorrow's the Lord's day. Looking forward to it
"If by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." You never need to go back into the pit. There is nothing for us there, and there never will be.
Thank you Tao for your good words. It went well today eventually. I got to rest properly and then spent time in prayer. These feelings of loneliness and abandonment are the root of all evil for me. They date way back. I need to face this now. Turns out I'm going to be spending a week on my own... I guess it's God appointed time for this. I've never managed to make it through such extended periods of loneliness without at least M (but webcams usually). I also probably reacted to that excessively earlier. I hate this feeling. But the Lord is with me. Maybe it's time I walk through this with Him, one step after another
Until we learn to depend on him alone, we will always feel empty inwardly and have a tendency to turn to whatever it is we have convinced ourselves will fill us up. The truth is that nothing will. We were made by and for him, and he alone can satisfy. Having a week of focused time to concentrate on God and his good world sounds like a wonderful opportunity. Make good use of it.
If you find that temptation hits you worst when you have extended time alone, consider what you might do to lessen the potential you will fall during these times. Can you put all electronic devices out of convenient reach? If not, can you make yourself spend time with others or in a church in prayer? Is there an activity such as exercise or a hobby that distracts you? Can you listen to a religious book on tape while you occupy your hands with a puzzle or a project of some sort? Can you offer your time to a local charity? There is no sin in being tempted, it is only when we give in to temptation that sin occurs. So, prepare some strategies for those times when you know you will tempted. In this way you can give yourself some weapons in the fight against sin rather than sitting alone and defenseless. Most of all, pray with all of your heart asking Christ to manage your temptations when they are overwhelming you. Christ will not take away your free will to choose to sin but if you sincerely ask Him to help you avoid it, He will intervene.
in my 46th day today It was the most difficult day so far and it's just 2pm. Took a nap and shouldn't have... was this close to MO. What I miss the most is not M or O but ejaculation. I've often done it without O, although technically it involves a form of stimulation that would amount to M. I miss it very much because it connects me to my body. I've suffered from depersonalization since childhood (I almost died twice at age 2 and 3, one time drowning (miraculously reanimated) and the other time when my mother, in a bout of rage, bludgeoned my skull with a glass candle holder I had dropped and broken). So ejaculation is the only way in which I've ever felt a sensation of my body. It does not last long though. I've also had DP decrease while praying on rare occasions. DP would vanish and I would reintegrate my body when I was using marijuana which made it difficult to stop but it came with other issues so I quit eventually. I know God is sovereign but sometimes his sovereignty makes him difficult for me to fathom when I'm in pain like that. I know it's rebellion and it goes against the most basic teachings of the Bible. But this part of me is alive and kicking! I have to face it regularly. I've learned to trust God while in pain and despite all the adverse feelings towards him (and repenting of them). But lately I've felt depressed and sad and it's been so difficult to keep up the good and godly habits. I have not been able to read Scripture in two days... it's a slippery slope. I wanna force myself to read and I just won't do it. I feel like I'm somebody else when I'm in that state of mind. But at least this time I have not completely stopped praying and I haven't shut the door on God. Otherwise I would have slipped already. I don't pray consciously but I do at the back of my mind. That avoided the catastrophe during my nap earlier.
Fascinating stuff. My tendency is to live very much in my head, often ignoring my body's needs for exercise and proper nutrition. One way I have learned to connect better with my body and give it its due is through hard physical labor. When everything aches, the body is hard to ignore! God is good and provides all that we need at exactly the right time. I am curious to learn how he provides for you in this unusual situation.
