Hey All, I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. I relapsed again this morning at 2:00am and i'm going to tell you why, because I feel like a huge part of this situation was my fault and maybe I overreacted. You may see that my actions may be hypocritical, but i am just looking for advice. So, my fiancee and I are getting married in 4 months and i'm trying my damndest to make sure I'm faithful to her by not using P or M to cheat on her. Long story short, she bought me a Christmas gift over the holidays from Amazon, and unfortunately it didn't fit, so we had to return it. I was logged into the Amazon account and had to email the shipping labels to her email address and she wasn't available because she was working. So, I guessed her password and got it right, and got the shipping labels. However, when I was in there, I saw an email thread between her and an ex boyfriend of hers. Nothing really major there, but the thread has been going on for a while, so I read through the whole thing. Nothing really stuck out at me except a portion of the thread that took place 3 days before her and I met for the first time. We had been talking for a few weeks before our first date, and that's the most important part. Basically, the email thread was them planning on having sex. And after reading through it all, I saw that they did indeed have sex. They had sex 3 days before our first date. The worst part is that during that time before we met, we had talked on the phone every day for hours, and the worst part is she had mentioned to me she hadn't been seeing anyone for months and months. After reading this yesterday, I felt betrayed and lied to, which is ironic because I also betrayed her trust by reading through her emails. So, I told her about what I did and I confronted her about her romp with her ex 3 days before our first date. She got all emotional and basically told me that she was emotionally unstable at that point in her life and she wasn't sure that our relationship was going to blossom as it has. I made the point that she should have been more optimistic and trusting of what I had promised her on the phone when we talked, but instead just decided to have sex w/ her ex just 3 days before we met. So, we fought, and i couldn't sleep. Didn't fall asleep until 3am. But before I did, I felt so emotionally distraught that I sought a release. And that led me to PMO again last night. I slept on the couch, and since i couldn't sleep. I PMO'd for a release. Finally moments later, I fell asleep. We talked this morning and everything was talked out, but part of me still feels so betrayed. She has every right to be mad at me too as I broke her trust too. I just feel like our relationship started off on a lie. She told me that she promises me that nothing else ever happened between them after our first date. The worst part is that she still talks to him on a friendly basis. (Hi how are you? I'm good! etc...) I told her I wished that she'd stop because i dont' like that. She said that that part of her life is over and she apologized. I just dont' know how else to feel. Thoughts? Suggestions? Should i Just leave it alone?