Did I do something wrong?

I think the simple answer as far as what women want in a man is an equal partner who’s their teammate. There are no gender wars. Women just now have the same opportunities as men do in schooling and the work place. Somehow men see that as a competition or a war. Women don’t. No one is threatened by the word leader, it just has no place in most modern relationships. It implies inequality.

That’s neither here nor there. Its whatever works in a relationship for that couple. They both work, he only does, she only does, etc there is no one right way. But giving a young man dating today the advice that he should lead his woman and she should defer to him is ill sighted to say the least. Most women will not respond well to this at all. And since the goal is to help this writer succeed telling him to behave like a man from the 1950s trying to date a woman in 2018 is just not gonna work. Just to test this I asked 10 or so of my close girlfriends how they would react if a man said or behaved like this, the first reaction of every single one was to literally laugh out loud, and then some version of kick him to the curb and fast, half are married!

 

Here's are my initial thoughts based on my interpretation of the below statements:

This tells me that she has validated your feelings. She can at least understand how her actions (even if she actually did nothing wrong, and what she did may not have impacted another person in the same way) have made you feel badly. Your relationship is between the two of you. It really should not be a factor what the standard dating protocol as far as exclusivity that others abide by is. If she had responded by immediately saying, "you're being sexist, guys do this all the time, I did nothing wrong, you don't control me, we we're exclusive yet, blah, blah, blah". Basically trying to immediately tell you how and why you were wrong while ignoring that (justified or not) you were hurt. Then I would have seen her actions as problematic.

Then I read this part:

The fact that her first instinct was to lie when confronted with uncomfortable information is not an ideal trait for someone that you are going to spend the rest of your life with (in my opinion).

However it can also be said that your instinct to invade her privacy when having an opportunity to do so is also not an ideal trait.

I think that if you can/continue to learn from, respect, and empathize with each other it will go a long way towards a healthy marriage.

 

If his fiancé runs for the hills as a result of his renewed masculinity, strength, confidence and leadership then he will be happier long term, because he will meet women who love that about him.

Get after it, OnTheSurf4ce! I and your fellow men believe in you!

 

Based on my experience of men and women, I respectfully disagree

 

Ummm but what if that not him? What if he does what you suggests in an effort to try to keep her, but since that’s not who he is, it’s not who she fell in love with nor is it who she wants so she leaves? Many women do not want the type of man you describe. You may think they do but they don’t. He needs to be who HE is. That’s who she loves. If a man who was not ever like this before starts acting like this it’s usually quite humorous. He’s trying to show me he’s the man and he’s in charge now lol. You are setting this guy up to get dumped not just by her but many many women. Men who need to assert their manhood and masculinity and be the leader reek of insecurities. Women can smell that from miles away. Be who you are.

 

With what part?

 

You are mistaking confidence, leadership and decisiveness for pretending to be macho and domineering. There’s a difference.