Did i ruin my benefits?

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Abzu, Jun 25, 2020.

  1. Abzu

    Abzu Fapstronaut

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    So few days back, as usual i couldn't sleep at night though i did read lots of stuff around the internet and some really good articles regarding nofap which helped me vanish the temptation completely for atleast 2 hours then when i finally got on bed and still couldn't sleep so i got on my phone and thought of searching songs of female singer whom i find really attractive and wanted to see her in skimpy clothes for fun, then after some scrolling i tripped on her concert video and we obviously know what kind of dress they wear nowadays and i thought i to myself, i saw this few days ago and shouldn't cause any disruption to my nofap journey or anything because she's not naked, just how most women dress up these days so it's acceptable upto some extents. Then it was fine for first 1min me having sexual thoughts and fantasizing then i had a feeling of emptiness where my mind went completely blank and weirdly that's where i felt very slight ejaculation from my penis, like 1 or 2 drops. Suddenly, i started feeling bad energy in my gut and it has been like that for few days now. I still regret it, i didn't touch myself but still it was really bad experience which i could have avoided. I won't exactly say it was guilt like watching porn and masturbation but for some reason it definitely didn't feel right and i felt like half relapse and my mood was bad really for first 2-3 days, now trying to move on since last couple of days but man i am very disappointed with myself because i can't think and believe even such slightly suggestive thing would put me in such a mess, it was really unpredictable and i have been really strict with my nofap journey so far but this might have been a wake up call that my abstinence still has some flaws which i need to work out.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2020
    | Nico | likes this.
  2. You didn't ruin your progress :) you just got aroused leaked a bit of pre cum thats all, i know it feels disappointing been here myself but its ok, it will happen, you should be proud that you didnt give into full pmo :). Take care
     
    Flaumann, I'm The Chosen One and Abzu like this.
  3. Abzu

    Abzu Fapstronaut

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    man i don't want to be rude or offensive so i avoided saying that in my OP but i really despise modern women clothing, many of them are brainwashed by the lies of media, hollywood and oversexualized society / culture. India used to be very civilized and chaste, people used to respect their bodies but i think porn and bollywood totally ruined it, it breaks my heart that girls due to peer pressure or following the trend, they can't think clearly for themselves and want to follow the crowd for approval. I have unfollowed tons of such girls on instagram, today you won't believe when i was checking spam comments on my site, there was someone who posted a porn link, when i was trying to click empty spam box button, my mouse hovered over that link and it showed a preview which i didn't see at first time then i hovered again and could see girl wearing jeans but without a top and i could see her breast but i was still conscious and in just 1 sec even before opening the link i cleared my spam folder. I think devil tries it's best to trick us so we can fall in this pit and we should always aware and grateful to god for helping us and he would do more of that in future if we have true belief in him and devotion. I have seen praying really helps, haven't been much of a religious person my whole life but i think it can make our journey much easier and pleasant. I have fantasies during night when i lie on bed and i get lost in them for several minutes imagining dirty stuff so i decided that i would either wake up from bed and do something on computer, watch tv or my phone or try to meditate which would be really helpful.
     
  4. This is a mistake but this cannot be called relapse.Because your brain is changing chemically in the healing process.You may not feel it, but things that did not arouse you in the past may become able to arouse you later.You may not have guessed it would react like that before watching that video.But now you know ...Stay away from music videos and maybe it might be useful to delete your social media while you are at this stage.Be careful with the psubs and keep on absence ;)
     
    Abzu likes this.
  5. And what did you learn realizing that thinking about your female singer almost hindered your progress?
     
  6. Abzu

    Abzu Fapstronaut

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    i have been quite strict and avoiding even the slightest of suggestive stuff, been good so far.
     

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