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Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, Mar 15, 2018.
have lived this way also
good luck on your journey
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, that sounds difficult.
Of course sex and PMO won't give you anything good. Of course nothing in life gives you joy right now - you can't just sit around and expect life to suddenly come up with happiness.
If there is something I've learned from battling addiction and depression, it is this:
Being content with life and finding happiness is one's own responsibility. It's not about waiting for that perfect day where the sun is shining and everything just falls into place on it's own - no no! It's not about what life brings you - it's about what you bring into your life.
It's about what you do with what you have. Being alright with life is a choice. Waking up in the morning, I don't wait around for a smile to come to me, anymore. I take the initiative myself, and I start to smile, because I want to have a nice day. It's my choice and my responsibility and I focus my intent on positivity and finding peace and joy in whatever I do.
If things actually suck and there's nothing I can do about it, I try to be o.k. with that, too.
(Actually I find that whatever brings me external pleasure (alcohol, sex, drugs, sugar, etc.) may last for a short while but then things get worse, because the more I rely on external pleasure, the less trust I have in myself)
(To start with, practicing positivity just feels fake - you feel like a joke, you feel like a pretender, you feel like "this is never going to work". But stay with it. Once you start to get rid of that negative attitude, everything will open up. It just takes practice like everything else)
So true... Some people shine positive energy even in most dire situations, while others feel miserable in "golden castles". I remember Dalai Lama telling to reporter, that he experienced happiest life moments, when he was all alone with himself in Chinese prison.
i do think, fap causes depression - isolation, confidence, shame - therefore, the opposite holds true broadly
however the issue is how deep its impact is and there may be other factors that led you to porn in first place
so its a complex one
but it definitely helps your mentality not to fap
If the answer was so simple, I shouldn't be depressed anymore. That's not the case with me. I'm better, but I do suspect daily exercise is to "blame" for general better mood. When I've stopped vigorous daily exercise routine (I haven't done it for 2 weeks now to see what happens) I've started to fall back into deeper and deeper depression. I do believe hardmode has given me willpower to exercise daily, but it didn't cure my depression.
Before NoFap, I had Anhedonia. Anhedonia is a form of a depression where you don't feel anything, you feel dead inside (This is the worse thing I ever have had). NoFap has almost cured my Anhedonia, this is crazy because I have tried almost everything else before NoFap to get rid of anhedonia.
So to cure depression: Do NoFap, eat healthy, get your good fats and protein, exercise and try do be social and I can almost guarantee that you will be cured from depression.
How long did it take, to see results just from NoFap? I'm clearly seeing them after 120 days in hardmode, but only if I exercise like crazy (cca. 2 hours daily 5-6 days a week). I can't sustain this kind of routine forever. I start "sinking" back into darkness again just a few days after I stop exercising. I'm going to 300 km hike next week to get out of this state. It scares me how quickly I've gotten depressed again. It feels like all hopes and desires I have rediscovered during reboot are dissipating in front of my eyes. I don't even crave for sex or PMO anymore.
I have had swings of low mood for the last few months. Looking back now, those moods started after I had PMO'd a lot. I'm not that long into rebooting and I don't want to simply say this has made it all go away but I feel a lot better.
You have been through a lot. That would be difficult to go through those things you mentioned and not let it affect you. Don't stop looking for that which brings you real happiness. I like to be with friends/ and I also enjoy breaking away on hikes into nature by myself with my camera. Keep Going!
I don't think it's a simple question. For some it may lift depression, for others it may not or even worsen it - but that doesn't mean PMO is a good way to deal with it. Abstaining may give you enough clarity to find out what CAN help *IF* you use that clarity to work on it and try things to find out what does work. The mind is not that simple, it's no doubt going to be a process for some people rather than a single thing.
I think that the brain is on low power when rewiring, the dopamine receptors are healing to it's natural state. It can take a while if you are unlucky. I know how you feel, I'm on the same boat and sometimes I think that it's hopeless. I have days when I feel fantastic, that's why I keep going. If you hang in there, it will be so much better. Try to take daily naps when rebooting, it really helps me.
agreed, it helps
glad you are aware of this
I honestly felt way worse during my streak then I ever did PMOing. A completely different person in fact.
Post acute withdrawal is a bitch, man.
Thank God this isn't permanent though by all accounts. We'll all be a lot stronger on the other side and have a lot more appreciation for our physical and mental health.
its tough but worth it
I feel depressed and I started to notice that I feel very bored without any sexual activity. It would be great to have the real sexual relationship, this definitely could be a game changer for me, but I don't have it at the moment. And when I feel bored I realize how much I miss porn. I'm more than 8 months 'hardmode' and sometimes I found myself thinking how many new pics and videos were uploaded during my absence. I want to be back to porn, but at the same time I don't want myself to relapse, so I keep going... And this leads me to even deeper depression. I start to question what is the point of all this journey, is it really worth all these pains? I know I need to replace porn with other activities that gives me pleasure, but I don't have any real substitution for porn right now.
8 months is a great achievement, the flatline/withdrawal will end. Hang in there.
Maybe you need more goals in your life? Could be anything, like setting up a goal with going to the gym etc..
Why don't you start socializing, going out on dates etc? Maybe try to find women company on travel forums or dating sites, language class, in the gym, yoga class... There are plenty single ladies who need company too.
It's hard to answer. I feel relationship anxiety and it might come from my unsuccesful past sexual experiences (perfomance anxiety, PIED). I don't feel I'm ready for relationship at the moment (actually I never was ready). And I always had problems socializing, for me it's hard to get into close relationship with other person and it takes lots of time. I used to have relationship in the past, but it was many years ago and it was a painfull experience.
I think the purpose of nofap is to replace bad habits with normal, healthy sexual life. The question is what to do for persons like me who have some deeper psychological problems and can't get into relationships for some reasons? Abstaining from PMO basically means the end of sexual life. Of course you can masturbate for 'technical maintenance', but without porn it's muted.
8 mohths might look like a great achievement, but this is more because I have strong willpower. I don't feel like a winner and I know the addiction is still inside me. It might be I need more time, it's a long process actually.
I tried to replace porn with other things, but they don't thrill me as strong as sexual triggers. I remember seeing movie called 'Owning Mahowny', it's a movie about the banker who has compulsive gambling addiction and there is a scene in this movie when therapist asks him to evaluate things that thrills him the most from '1' to '10' grade. When he is asked about sex he answers '6' (don't remember exact number, but you got the idea), other things has low grades for him also. When he is asked about gambling he immediatelly answers with '10'. The same is for me. Porn is '10' grade for me and the rest are much lower.
Maybe you should see clinical psychologist? NoFap alone won't solve underlying psychological issues. I see that now. Nothing big has changed for me, being in celibacy for 4 months. The only thing I got is more willpower and courage to face and start solving my problems. It's hard, I'm more or less a loner too. Human company somehow drains energy our me, so I feel tired after socializing, but I still do it. Being alone is for a long period of time makes my mental state much worse.