Did porn make me gay?

read around a little more and/or @ yourbrainonporn.com - pornography and unrestrained pursuit of sexual pleasure either through pornography, masturbation or 'real life' certainly does lead to deprivation and escalation.

There are gay and lesbians who have gotten addicted to straight pornography, there are people who, after exposure to pornography start watching beastility and worse....

No pornography doesn't 'make you' gay or straight - but it can warp and confuse sexual tastes and create a total disconnect between what you 'get off' on and your natural desires and tastes.

 

Agree, for example this article on yourbrainonporn is interesting:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/are-sexual-tastes-immutable

I observed myself and found, my sexual tastes have morphed a lot over the years. In my 20s I was one of those who strongly believed the tastes are fixed from birth. And it doesn´t have to be porn that initially formed your sexual tastes, society in general and (traumatic?) childhood experiences may play a big role. So you might even believe you were gay before porn, when you were actually not born that way.
The orientation from birth plays a big role too I believe, but in general I believe people overestimate this component.

 

As a gay man. I find this so interesting!

First of all let me say. I know you don't think being gay is a "problem". You are probably cool with it, and everything that is associated with that lifestyle. Its really interesting because I find woman have a much easier time slipping into that spectrum and fluid sexuality. I know women who have been "straight" their whole lives....but they may have a bad relationship with a guy and then BAM! they are experimenting with woman. I find the social stigma of a woman being gay and a man being gay are different, well they can be.

Bottom line.. gay, straight, lesbian.... what you watch, what you do and who you do it with are your business. Watching gay porn, here and there... banging a guy, or girl doesn't make you a set thing. You can be whatever you need and want to be. It doesn't have to fixed. I think you didn't see this for yourself in the grand scheme of your life blueprint. And its caused some turmoil. We label too often, and we box ourselves in, and others. Lesbians can watch gay porn. It's whatever you want to go for in the moment that you are feeling. Liking a guy, or a guy with a wig on, who cares, or watching gay porn. It doesn't make you anything other than a human living in 2018 who is honest with themself

Just be you, be healthy about it. and love yourself. If you have chemistry with someone that is a dude and it gets to that place great. Or you don't great.... Be open, and be loving.

As a gay man, the last time I watched porn and pmo'd was not to gay porn. But ftm (female to male trans) porn. I could still have vaginal sex, and one day I would like to have sex ftm or mtf. Fingers crossed

 

My thoughts on this, without judging what anyone does with their own life...

I make choices. I become who I want to become. That is it. Period.

I am happily married, problem with PMO for more years of my life than not. Longest I've gone without PMO is 3 years. Longest without M, is around 6 months.

What has my experience with PMO done to me? Well, I've come across a wide range of material in my many, many years of PMOing. What I can say, is given the right circumstances, I could see myself being open to experiencing gay, group, she-male, etc. because the desires for those types of behavior have been cultivated and nurtured with PMO.

I remember long before I had a severe problem with PMO, I had clear and present opportunity for one of above mentioned experiences, and dismissed it without even considering it, partly because I had absolutely no desire for it at all, and this was when my drive was much stronger than it is now.

But now, after years of PMOing, having developed some desires that I never knew I could have, would I want to experiment with any of those things?

No. And it is not just because I am married for 23 years, and don't want to hurt my wife. It's because I don't find it acceptable for me. Same as being unfaithful to my wife with another women. Does it mean I am never attracted to any other woman? Hardly. I find myself needing to resist attention from women all the time, and it's not easy. But I do resist. Because I choose to.

So, if I make a choice to live my life a certain way, it is my choice. I make choices every day. That is what determines who I am - my choices.

Again, I judge no one. Everyone makes their own choice. I don't judge anyone else's choice, I only judge my own.

 

Hi
Thanks for your input - the 'problem' for us is that these fantasies or urges are not aligned with our identity and/or romantic and physical attractions so they seem to be induced by something else.

I do think sexual fantasies /PMO can be the result of escalation but also representing some unmet need or trying to fulfill a need in a sexual way.

Note there is a common 'pattern' of first watching lesbian porn, then transwoman then gay, then getting internalized fantasies and urges ...


I do believe there are people truly born 'gay' but many who engage in that behavior have some other origin (Sexual molestation as a child by an adult male seems pretty common)

"It's whatever you want to go for in the moment that you are feeling."
For most of human civilization- in fact the reason that we have civilization - is because we DON'T do this - 'do whatever feels good' is the worst possible advice you can give anyone. Staying a in a warm bed 'feel's a lot better than working out. Going out and partying 'feel's better than studying. The cricket and ant... it's as old as human history.

The other problem is (check out yourbrainonporn.com about this) is that watching porn warps and mutates sexual tastes, is highly addictive and detaches us from our real life attractions.

 

I agree with you for the most part.

I should of specified healthy moderation. There is no shame in being open to an sexual experience that may have seemed taboo for yourself in the past. As we move forward as a race, Gender and Orientation are fading and becoming so fluid and on a spectrum. You may as well get ahead of the game. All I meant was there is no shame trying something you are curious in. As long as its safe, healthy, and with respect for yourself and the other person or persons you are with

Everything has a duality. I may get scrutinized for saying this. I don't think porn is 100% bad. I think my relationship I have with it is. So I will take steps to remove it from my life. I think getting to a place where I am in control of the substance or activity instead of avoiding it out of fear. Is truly getting a grip on any addiction. Some may not feel that way, but I want to keep my demons on a leash. I now have information and data I need to respect myself and eventually put myself on a diet in moderation of activity. Not needing it everyday or week or month. But not letting it control me seems to be my goal. So people may need to avoid it forever. That is fine. Follow your way that you need to follow.

I have many girlfriends and my mother even (we talk about everything) have told me what porn has taught them. As a women, reaching a climax can be challenging and difficult but they have found guidance in what they have watched and witnessed. So if porn, has opened your tastes and makes you want to try other things, Try it. Odds are it wont just be porn that triggers such cravings something else MAY eventually could pull that trigger. Whether your tastes have been synthetically altered let say (from porn), or they have been naturally dormant (like being gay all your life and in hiding). Your best bet is trying it to see if it is in fact right for you. Why those tastes are there should carry no shame. And may even help unlock acceptance for yourself, and therefore accepting others.

If you shame yourself on such curiosity that's sad. What you do is important... but how you go about it is just as equally important. Yes, don't do what feels right.... all the time. I didn't mean it in that context. I just meant not trying something because of a social stigma you are carrying with you because of fear and shame. Because you don't understand it and you don't want to know that part of yourself. That's not helping anyone.

 

Thanks for posting this. I hace to agree on the longer you watch porn the more extreme your tastes can go. I don't like guys, but have found that if I get in porn too long now, I quickly start checking out all kinds of gender type sex.

I don't like this part of me, it's not who I am, heck I can go into a guy's locker room and gag when I see a naked dude. But something about the taboo or the something about it and I will find myself going to a video I know I should t be watching. I el see how many others are like this.

 

There is if you fundamentally think something is immoral, wrong, or bad for you. There is a reason things are taboo. there is a reason incest is taboo- breaking it just because you and your mother 'feel good about it' doesn't make it right.
Even if you personally thought it was 'ok' .

So we fundamentally disagree on approaches to life and this is the great divide as old as mankind itself (I am not saying you think incest is ok or i have that urge, I am using this as an extreme example but there is a reason it's one of our most ancient myths too (Oedipus))

 

Why you think it is immoral or wrong needs to be examined. If you think it is immoral or wrong because of society and the traditions passed on to you. Then is that really you thinking or your environment over time shaping the way you think. What you belief and why you believe it both deserve to be dissected. Is it your nature? Or is it how you were nurtured? Its up to you to pave your own way. Its that personalized crisis that makes us human, and we need more than ever to be accepting of ourselves so we can accept others. We should understand that everyone will have a crisis of identity in some sense, and being open and not afraid of experimentation big and small will help us be united and sympathetic to our fellow man.

I would also like to say. Sleeping with a man once. Does not make you gay. Sleeping with only men and want to exclusively sleep men, does in fact make you gay. If you so choose to call yourself that. So if you are open and have a few run ins with men through out the year. Are you gay.... no. If you still want kids, and to be married to a girl. With the sexual past of sleeping with men. There is nothing wrong with that, or vice versa. You can say you dabble and are open minded.... The way I dabble with various hobbies or lifestyles. Vegan, Vegetarian, paleo... what ever.

 

It makes you bisexual. Duh

 

bisexual... hahaha yes.... even pansexual if you want to get really advanced

 

Hey man

I have a similar experience for YEARS I have been only with women but as my addition grew I started having random sexcul encounters with men but I'm NOT ATTRACTED to them just the sexualization of it all .Makes me feel gross . but here's the good news the longer I stay away from porn the less I think about my sexual encounters with men I feel GREAT and I make amazing love to my girl .stay away from porn brother and stay strong.

 

Our traditions represent a wisdom hard won by generations and if questioned or thrown off, should only be done with the greatest of caution. It's incredibly arrogant to think you are somehow wiser than the collective wisdom of generations - and usually that arrogance is what leads to trouble. The French revolution comes to mind - the incredible society damage of the 1960s comes to mind as well.

again going back to my point about incest, just because people 'consent' doesn't make it right.

Again, the great divide of culture/civilization - traditionally most healthy societies held sex sacred - they certainly wouldn't put it on the same level as you literally do here, - changing your diet, or sampling food. For example, if you hold you body as the temple of God, then you treat it differently.

What you advocate is the sign of a society in decline. Imperial Rome, Weimer republic Revolutionary France, communist russia come to mind...

 

Haha, I think you are taking things at point blank. My points aren't that black and white. Bottom line...It's just develop your own way, in your own time, and love yourself. And you can try things if need be. IF you see fit. It's doesn't have to be that radical. Like incest. Your example is dramatic, and unnecessary. It is great to hear your opinion though I am thankful for it. I also enjoy reading it. You seem to like history. Fun