Did porn weaken your commitment to your partner/relationship

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by raysfan16, Dec 12, 2018.

Did porn weaken your commitment to your partner/relationship

  1. Yes it did

    29 vote(s)
    82.9%
  2. No it didn't

    6 vote(s)
    17.1%
  1. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    I am asking this because lately I have been feeling less commitment to my partner/girlfriend of 3 years. I am curious if anyone else here as experienced this and if so how did you deal with it. I am also wondering if these feelings went away after successfully going through a reboot.
     
  2. ras-tanura

    ras-tanura Fapstronaut

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    yes yes yes.

    Been with her for 2 years, after the initial attraction and while still PMO-ing 2-3 times a day, I thought of her as a chore more and more, and resent her eventually... that's when I came into the NoFap community and realized my mistake.

    I decided to go absolutely crazy on my mind and enforce NoFap. It's been 60 days for me (my longest streak is 4 days) and the following happened:

    -I stopped hanging out with pretty work colleagues who would flirt with me
    -I told her I was addicted to PMO for 16 years (I couldn't sleep from the fear of telling her)
    -we became more intimate in conversation
    -Our dates became less of a chore and a rush, and i'm more focused on flirting with her. it's so much fun.
    -Now I really want her, and i'm not afraid to commit.

    All these benefits and i'm not even done with the 90 days. I had no idea I would change this much... start now!
     
    Fastplayer1, Tankus and wanderlust713 like this.
  3. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this response...I have been feeling the same while engaging in pmo. I also have thought of her as a "chore" and "resent" her as well. I have been thinking a lot about other women and while I know there is nothing wrong with looking, I find myself looking at other women more than I do her. I know she is still the same woman I fell for yet I have felt like she wasn't enough. I hate myself for feeling that way. She is so beautiful and perfect for me and yet I feel numb to her. Longest I have been able to go is 5 days and had to restart this morning. If it has only been 60 days for you and you feel that much better I am now making it my mission to kick this nasty habit once and for all. If its cool with you could I talk more with you about going through this process and what you have experienced so far? I just really need help and guidance
     
  4. Yes they will go away. How could you be satisfied with a normal woman when you have an unlimited number of perfect women anytime and anyway you want them. A relationship requires effort and sacrifice. Porn is a completely selfish act.
     
  5. ras-tanura

    ras-tanura Fapstronaut

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    Ofcourse, try as hard as you can and if you need anything, we all got your back!
     
    Myfortress likes this.
  6. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for you kind words dude....I honestly needed to hear that right now. Could I PM you at some point for advice and going through the process?
     
    ras-tanura likes this.
  7. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    I think porn is often a scapegoat for deeper issues. Dont get me wrong ofc it can cause huge problems but for most people its something to blame. If not that they blame finances or alcohol or friends or relatives or timing etc.
     
  8. wanderlust713

    wanderlust713 Fapstronaut

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    This gives me some hope.. I wish my boyfriend had come to this realization on his own. Instead I caught him on our toilet looking at Snapchat porn and asking these Snapchat porn girls for pictures of themselves. So.. good for you for doing this on your own. All I ever wanted was to really know my boyfriend, wants, fears, desires, etc. but instead of him facing me and really fully loving me, he put his energy into porn so... good for you for joining this website and really working on things. I think you will be absolutely fine
     
  9. agreed that real sex is more difficult than porn, but... How does porn give you an unlimited number of women anytime? When I watched porn I just felt I looked at women but I did not "have" them in any way, often just felt envious and lonely. You need real people for sex, not images of people. So a real women is infinitely more satisfying than porn images in my opinion and experience.
     
    Susannah likes this.
  10. My point is that of course your partner is not as exciting as looking at all of that porn right now. You have to get off porn and re-train your brain to get excited about your partner.
     
    drkarim, Susannah and Butterfly1988 like this.
  11. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    I understood what you meant. Looking at hundreds or even thousands of different women naked and perform sexual acts numbs us to real life partners. What I hated more than anything is when I started to compare my girlfriend to the women I was watching. I know she is beautiful and so my type yet I have felt less attracted. That to me was the biggest wake up call.
     
    Myfortress likes this.
  12. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your kind words. Im trying to the best of my abilities. I no longer want to be a slave to this habit. It is so counter productive for a variety of reasons. I told my GF about what I have been going through and while she was hurt, she was very loving and understanding. She knew something had been off with me and she wanted to know what was going on. If our relationship were to end we both have stated that we would have wanted to do everything we could to save it. Thats what im doing now. Im sorry for your predicament. Have to tried communicating with him at all about how you feel?
     
  13. wanderlust713

    wanderlust713 Fapstronaut

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    That's awesome that you're talking to your gf about it! And yeah, we have talked a lot. Idunno, if he had tried talking to me about it before it would have been easier, at this point I just have so much resentment... it makes it so hard to believe that he really wants to be better and work on better intimacy. It would have been much better if he had talked to me about it the countless times I tried asking him about this stuff rather than me catching him in the act. I'm not even upset about him using it, I'm upset about him hiding it from me for so long and hiding so much of himself for so long. No one should feel insecure in a relationship, we're supposed to be there for each other to pick each other up and make each other feel good and to feel understood including any sexual desires or fantasies or what have you. I feel bad for him for feeling the need to hide all of this from me and from everyone really. It's crazy, I never knew guys had all of these insecure feelings and just how much you guys hold things in. Guys don't talk to other guys about this stuff lol at least definitely not in person. And porn definitely made him feel more insecure. It gave him performance issues with me because if I didn't exactly respond the way the girls in porn did then it meant that I wasn't enjoying it or whatever...just too much expectation from porn. I just wish more people talked about this because it is SUCH a big deal and I never even knew it.

    Sorry for the long post lol I hope you have a good day and trust me, being open and honest is great for any relationship. Even if you don't stay together forever, get as much as you can from this one and grow as much as you can. Just enjoy each other while you can.
     
  14. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    Im sorry to hear that. Have to tried to tell him about nofap and all the negative effects of pmo. If not I Would try that because if I knew the damaging I was causing to myself through this habit I would have never engaged in it.
     
    wanderlust713 likes this.
  15. Elevation

    Elevation Fapstronaut

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    So porn never made my commitment to my wife change,i love her and sex is always better than porn. However i see that porn caused major issues for us
     
  16. rob13_

    rob13_ Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't say that I was ever weak in attraction to my gf, but it definitely makes me less energetic and witty. When I'm on this grind for real, coversation and stuff is a lot more enjoyable I've observed.
     
  17. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

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    I know you intended this to be a question for the addicts here, but it applies for SO's as well. I know that my husband's long-time porn use and sex addiction weakened our relationship from the start, even though I didn't know the reasons for it then. We never had a chance for anything healthy. I assumed the problems were because I wasn't good enough, desirable enough, sexy enough, submissive enough, etc. I never knew the "competition" I was up against. Now that I know about his addiction, it has made things better in some ways. We have a better understanding. But that better understanding incorporates the fact that a part of my hopes and dreams for the potential of our relationship is dead. There are many awful things that I can't "un-see" or "un-know", events I can't forget, and trust I can't give him. And even though we love each other, there is a kind of sadness that I think will always hang over us. We are like refugees who have shared a horrible experience and are now unfit for life with anyone "normal" . YOUNG MEN: Please do whatever it takes to fix this problem in you now, and if you honestly can't, in spite of your best efforts, develop the capacity to desire and respond to your lover, please tell her the truth and let her go. Give her the chance to find someone who will want her - not just want to want her.
     
  18. Landser

    Landser Fapstronaut

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    I lost really pretty woman to this crap. Everything in her was perfect but i was into kinky digital crap. And now im alone... Dont do my mistake man.
     
    Myfortress likes this.
  19. raysfan16

    raysfan16 Fapstronaut

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    What happened
     
  20. Landser

    Landser Fapstronaut

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    Well i ignored her for some time.. Our sex was bad... And she was fed up at the end. After that things were never the same.
     

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