Did porn weaken your commitment to your partner/relationship

I see a lot of you in my wife. I am the partner with the addiction that has made her feel what you feel. I have nothing but regret and sorrow in my heart for the pain I’ve caused her. She has reached a point now where she will no longer speak to me. We have a two year old son and another baby in the way. Like you have said there is a sorrow that hang over our relationship. A relationship that could have been so much more were it not for my issues. She has put up with it for 12 years but now I am sad to say I think she is done.

 

Don't give up hope. @vaughanct. It may seem hopeless at times but stay in your reboot. Get your mind and self control back. You will be a completely different person. Be patient and persevere. Not sure of your spiritual situation but it is my belief there is a spiritual component to this as well. If you are interested in this part or just want to talk, message me.

 

Please keep trying. While it is true that our relationship will never be what it could have been, it is also true that there are many things about it that make it worthwhile. One thing I have learned is how seemingly small gestures or words from a partner can make a big impact (positive and negative). I have experienced this phenomenon myself and read about it in other women's posts. I usually can't predict what it will be, but sometimes something he does or says gives me a glimmer of hope that he understands or is making progress and I feel infused with the energy to keep trying. And I cannot stress enough how important absolute honesty is. By far, the most damage I've sustained and the most difficult thing to get over has been and continues to be the deception. Every tiny lie or omission obliterates 10 positive acts.

Also, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be going through this if I were pregnant, but I have had three children, and I think she needs to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that YOU are taking care of your recovery. She has to be able to devote ALL her energy right now to taking care of herself, her existing child and her unborn baby. Give her the gift of knowing that YOU are taking care of YOU. This means reassuring her about your recovery efforts, absolute transparency and making sure your actions match your words. Consistency is critical. Even if she won't talk to you, update her anyway. She needs to know you are reliable and solid and "on the job". Good luck and best wishes to you both.

 

@Susannah thank you for the guidance. It’s a breath of fresh in what has been a very difficult week with little hoe for the future. The things you mention are what I will try and do. In these times it is tough to determine what appropriate course of action is to take. It may be too little too late for me to repair our relationship but I have to try and continue trying.

 

Just 2 weeks without porn, hoping my brain will reboot. It destroyed my life and libido.

 

Hey! This is my 1st post so sorry about my bad grammar English is my 2nd language.
Anyway, just wanted to share my personal results. I have a girlfriend and we've been together for 3 years and a half. I had frustration when she refused to have sex (even if we used to have sex regularly) it was never enough for me. I would use porn every single day. Since I talked to her and started NoFap, I already feel more connected and confident in our relationship. I know this is probably from the communication and not necessarily from abstinence of pornography, but we already started to become what we use to be; we laugh, our dates seem better, I'm really interested in what she has to say and we had the best sex in years. I realized after we made love that we kissed almost all the way through, just like we used to in the first couple months of our relationship.
I didn't even had any fantasy when we made it, and usually a have to think about porn induced fantasy to achieve orgasm.
Anyway I'm so proud I found this community and I wish all of you the best of luck into your new healthy habits

 

That is a fantastic success story I hope it gets to many who are struggling and need to hear this story. It will give them hope.

 

Once you stopped being selfish, you started giving her what she needed. Your attention and meaningful conversation and it made the experience better for both of you. That is how your mind is supposed to be programmed, to get hardwired that she is the sole source of all sexual pleasure.

 

Yeah totally agree! I wish I will be able to continue only focusing on her, this is what she deserves. I was selfish and I think the first step is to admit our mistake, then we can work to resolve them.
Thanks all

 

Don't give up! Wish you all of luck and you can talk to me if you need anything.