Did you have a teenagehood?

I did have a teenagehood. I was definitely a time of taking those values I had from my childhood and my parents and testing them with my peers. I think your peers really take over as influences, even though your parents can still have an impact. It was a time of figuring out who my friends were, and what we stood for both collectively and individually. It was also a time of intense judment -- being labeled or mocked by other teenagers, and (regrettably) sometimes participating in this myself along with my group. In teenagehood I started hanging out with others in a way that is more similar to the way adults hang out. (I remember as a child not understanding how adults could find it fun to just sit around, drink beer, and talk.) A time of experimenting with music, clothing, and other things that seem to establish an identity. Also a time of coming up with values of my own when it came to things that weren't discussed much at home. Certainly growing into oneself as a sexual being (and figuring out how that is expressed or repressed in society) is part of teenagehood. I read a lot as a teenager too on many subjects and really expanded my intellectual universe. Well, that was an interesting exercise—a lot of formation of identity does happen in those years.

 

How exactly do you define "not having a teenagehood"?

 

Adolescence (or "teenagehood") is really a modern, constructed psychological category. There is basically only childhood and adulthood, and traditionally, older children were accustomed to being introduced into skills and practices that they'd needed to be an adult. That's what children did in their teens, and some were required to take on adult responsibilities early. Adolescence is really a devised psychological category of a modern age, somewhat of a luxury even, and existing partly since the world is much more complicated and takes greater time to assimilate into. Nowadays, even young adults remain living with their parents even in their early and mid-twenties since today's economics to simply make a living and survive is much more burdensome and somewhat initially impossible; plus, Western culture has become ego-centric (as opposed to socio-centric), individuals trying to make it on their own, rather than living in the support and community of a lifetime extended family, which was more traditional. So, all this is to say that there is still plenty of time for a young adult even to live and grow and come into greater realization into personhood. Sexual permissiveness in one's early years is somewhat of a misnomer healthwise; it is/was never a great means of finding oneself or growing to maturity. It's somewhat the other way around, which doesn't even occur till young adulthood - one finds their personal autonomy first; then one is able to bond in a deep relationship with a partner, a relationship that is not immature, codependent, or needy on one side. Reckless experimentation is rather silly and counterproductive at any age, so one doesn't need to think they missed out on something from not learning the hard way through destructive ways and practices. The idea is to move forward and positively build upon the foundation that one currently has or to begin to lay a good foundation if one is lacking. A good resource for the stages of psychosocial development are the 8 stages described by Erik Erikson. You'll see that the stages of "intimacy" are later than the typical "teenage" years, built on a foundation of identity, which we are grooming all the time both before and alongside developing intimacy.

 

Oh. I don't think everyone has that experience. I didn't "experiment" when I was a teen which was just a few years ago. As a teenager, I spent most of my time in a bad mood, slept a lot, crammed for tests...and PMOed...
But I don't really feel like I missed out on anything. Which brings me back to my first sentence: Everyone's different.

 

I did missed out lots of stuff that supposedly teenagers do:
I didn't hang out with others after school.
I never went to a party.
I never tried alcohol.
I never had a sexual experience.
And other stuff I'm forgetting.

I still have my own set of values, so I wouldn't say it is necessary.

 

I dunno, I'm homeschooled so it's not like I do typical public schooled teenager things. I do whatever I fancy. But not having a "teenagehood" sounds like something I wish happened to me. Being a typical teenager is sad. I'd rather become an adult (or at least be adult-like) at 14 than be lazying on about my videogames and internet surfing. I hope my future kids won't have to wander through mediocrity like I did.