did you have this epiphany ?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by shedernatinus, Feb 5, 2020.

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  1. beyondPeterPan

    beyondPeterPan Fapstronaut

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    It appears you are trying to make people feel guilty and ashamed for their addiction to pornography. The whole point of this community is to give people a safe space, free of judgement, to be honest about their problems. This is part of the healing process. For many of us, shame and guilt has done nothing but fuel our addiction. Regardless of your intentions, you are not helping.
     
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  2. beyondPeterPan

    beyondPeterPan Fapstronaut

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    I think you missed the point here. Yes, men and women can both be sexually aroused by visual and emotional stimulus. However, statistically, men are (on average) more aroused than women by visual stimulus and women are (on average) more aroused than men by emotional stimulus. There is a great deal of research on this topic. We could have a long and meandering conversation about biology, evolution, gender roles, and social conformity, but it wouldn't benefit porn addicts or the victims of the porn industry.

    Most people in this community are here because they recognize pornography is wrong and want to beat their addiction. Let's focus on helping them do that.
     
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  3. Thank you @shedernatinus for reminding us!

    I personally don't see a problem with the OP. In the contrary, most of us has trained ourselves to ignore these facts and have continously broken boundaries. It's important to face these issues and learn to take responsibility for our actions again.

    Unfortunately I have bad news for @shedernatinus as well: if you think one must just truely embrace this thruth to never watch porn again then you underestimate the addiction.
     
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  4. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    The quote said that men with sexual masochism disorder are misogynistic and also that non-masochistic men don't care about women. The main reason women exploit men with these fetishes is because they believe that these are the men who created the patriarchy which is why I can sort of see how that can be construed as misogyny although I think it's a bit far-fetched.
     
  5. In my opinion @beyondPeterPan is right in general, that being vulnerable against "visual and emotional stimulus" and being vulnerable against addiction (or being addicted) is nothing that we can hold against someone. And that supporting addicts and not blaming them, postive motivation and all that must be prioritized if you want do do anything against such an addiction.
    Also keep in mind, that porn addicts are not the ones that do all the abuse we're talking about, even if they consume and thus support the industry.

    However, as soon as we deal with this troublesome addiction and find ways to leave it, this dark issue pops up and wants to be dealt with. And it's not as if we just found out that the apples we've been eating are produced unethically! The shame and guilt has become our constant companion. So why not deal with it?
    (Of course, this doesn't concern guys that just get off to IG models.)

    For me personal, as I said, it's a good reminder.
    My "porn-mind" has a very objectifying and abusive view on sex and women. "Remorse", "ethics", "compassion" - those words simply are not in it's vocabulary. I don't know, I got this "porn-mind" from watching porn, but it's mine now. However, it is not me. I'm more than that!
    By the way, you can't teach reason to my "porn-mind", you can't make it feel guilty or sorry. But you can dry it out.

    Using reason, analyzing, communicating, feelings ... this all helps to strengthen the frontal cortex. It helps with the addiction. So, when the time is ripe confront yourself with the damage porn has done to you and the damage you have done because of porn. Relearn to feel appropiate shame, guilt and disgust. Do a little compensation. You can do something good for the World and at the same time you willl do yourself a favor!
     
  6. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    You just repeated the over-used excuse that made watching porn so normalized and accepted, recent researches show the exact opposite of what you claim, women are as much visual as men! but I believe men as a social class refuse to acknowledge that from the fear of being the object. Saying that men are just more visual allows them to always be "the watcher" or "the subject" and the one on the receiving end will be the "object".
    And men release Oxycontin too after orgasm just like their female counterpart. There is not a big difference between the two genders as much as people like to think, Have you ever experienced a break-up and felt nothing, no sadness, no regret. Surely those are emotional reactions men can't really control.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2020
  7. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    Facing the issues is what mature adults do, and hiding in a closet is what childish people do. You are on the right path, feeling guilt will help you become a better person by recognizing your mistakes and trying to amend for them. Guilt can destroy someone if not resonated, but selfishness and entitlement surely do more harm than the latter.
     
  8. Very well said!
     
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  9. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    Not facing the guilt will also make it harder to heal.
     
  10. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    @shedernatinus
    After you made your mind to quit this addiction, how did you begin to see the porn industry?

    How did you feel about the really overt ties the porn industry shares with human trafficking, and the fact that thousands of young impoverished boys end up being exploited in this business?

    How do you feel about the demeaning and vile sexual depictions these horrible sites stream non-stop and directed toward males , and the degrading names used to describe men accross every video ?

    How do feel about the way you used to view and treat men in your life, including family member ?

    How do you feel about the many performers who are now dead because of their "work" ? either by overdose or by suicide ?

    please, those questions are addressed to every honest woman trying to overcome her addiction and finally restitute her original sanity and sexual purity. Every honest woman who wants to live as a human being and not as a sick sexually obsessed freak. ...

    Work both ways ;)
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2020
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  11. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    O-K
    a: I never was addicted in the first place.
    a: I always hated porn and knew since the beginning it's relation to human trafficking, and I feel sorry for any child exploited in those videos, male or female.
    a: Most of the time I see no man being degraded, 90 % of it is about women being "put to their place"
    (WARNING TRIGGERING CONTENT)
    upload_2020-2-10_23-57-42.png
    a: I never made offensive attacks only defensive, and the only man in my family is my biological father and he got exactly what he deserved for his unacceptable behavior.
    a: correction, the fact that male performers die because of their "work" is true as day itself, however, not by suicide, but mostly by STIs or overdose . And also they are not looked down upon like the females who work in the same industry.
    So to sum up, it won't go both ways because men and women aren't considered to be equal human beings by the phallocentric societies, despite what you might read on those hellish forums like "the red pill".All the cases of rape and abuse mostly victimize women even if men are also victims of rape, but by a smaller number.
    All the recent cases of "sex game gone wrong" are perpetrated by male offenders who were very likely addicted to violent pornography. This excuse is largely defended by people who see no harm in pornography or that porn "empowers" women.
    As for your "parody" of my original post, I see that you are very bitter, and very much detached from reality.You just took my own post and replaced the word "female" with "male" without considering stats or facts or even reading the news nor history. But it is all for no reason, because if you lived in an alternate universe where most societies are gyno-centric then your post might make some sense and seem logic. But we live in a world were females are always put behind males no matter the domain, even if those very males were not born selfish or ungrateful . Phallocentric society created a gap between two complementary beings and drove them apart.

    * TRIGGER WARNING (attachment)*:
     

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    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 11, 2020
  12. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Ok, I will answer your question
    1. Porn and porn industry is evil
    2. I feel pity for all addicts (like me) and people involved in this industry as actors/actress
    3. My views on women have changed, the longer I do Nofap, the less needy guy I become, so I see more clearly - for example not just beautiful girl, but her behavior towards me, I start to have some self respect. Also more clearly I see some manipulative and provocative stuff from some women who just want attention for example, and I try not to waste my time.

    As for your question and it tendance to talk only about women who are touched in bad way:
    1.I don’t believe this forum is a place of alpha-males/perverts (1% of men probably) who objectify/use women and will continue to do so, and to whom your question would be appropriate. Here you are asking needy/traumatized/shy/un confident guys (in majority) who were hooked on porn (not the ones mentioned above).
    2. You believe that I am detached from reality, I believe that you are (it’s normal, it’s discussion, even if it is a strong statement).
    Our phallocentrique world:
    Child support (in 90% + cases court leaves children with mother), army, almost all dangerous and unbearable works, sentence (different for men and women)). Why such laws then?
    3. And last - this is different discussion (feminism and so on), I don’t think Nofap is about it.
     
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  13. magic05

    magic05 Fapstronaut

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    To be honest:

    I'm not sure whether your question still has relevance in 2020.

    When you take a look at the biggest streaming sites you can see that their content is dominated by amateur channels nowadays. Industrial porn becomes smaller and smaller every year and instead new HD amateur channels pop up every day.

    I can't develop a bad conscience over people that are in my age group and shoot pornographic videos right from their bedroom. They do it completely voluntarily and are no victims of trafficking. But it's still so freakin addictive and everyday new content gets released and it never ends.
     
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  14. henryhill

    henryhill Fapstronaut

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    To some extent though I feel like you’re preaching to the choir... I’m starting to wonder what your goal with this thread is. Has it just been derailed by all the other comments?

    Like what is the point of asking people who want to quit porn if they realize all these things. Most of us started as kids and had no idea about anything other then it felt good to do so. How could we know how evil it was? Or how bad people were treated in so many cases?
     
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  15. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    I don't blame you when you were children, but surely after growing and learning you must have realized how bad things were.
     
  16. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    No one here is talking about amateur porn, but what you see on those sites can't be considered to be exactly ethical. Even in those amateur porn you see the same script over and over and over, it's not that different from mainstream porn when it comes to the message : men are the top of the food chain.
    But I won't shut up about anything if that's going to shape society in a way that's beneficial for men and not my gender, it is just survival instinct.
     
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  17. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    Yes our good old phallocentric world, the one where women are expected to shut up about anything even if it harms them. Court leaves children with their mothers because the fathers won't want anything to do with them anymore, they will want to start a new life and look for other women as "nature intended". Paying child support is no big tribute when it comes down to humans men themselves choose to bring into this world. Even if women receive child support, it won't mean that they will not need to work 24/7 to make ends meet.
    No this forum is not meant for men who are misogynists only, but surely some of them are and use gas lighting to shift victim hood to them instead. They are plenty of good men in here who take responsibility for all their past misdeeds and genuinely seek to correct them, they don't pretend to suffer the most from the industry, they know that someone had to pay far more than they did and don't try to seek and exploit other people's compassion.
    Yes I still believe you are detached from all reality, if so how can you explain the following cases:
    • Dr priyanka reedy who was abducted and raped and burned alive, later the video showing the crime was published on the famous Pornhub site.
    • Young Liza Hagen, who went missing for over a year while her mother never slept looking out for her, the same teenage girls was found later on videos on pornhub too.
    • the Connecticut teenage girl who went missing for 3 months and was found too on pornhub raped and abused by a sick man, while million others where fapping to this same abused girl.
    • The scandalous case of "girls do porn" and the adolescent girls who were held captive by some disgusting pig who was exploiting and filming them , and uploading to pornhub. Right now he is living on NZ.
    and many many many others.
    Yet you are here complaining about child support, no one forces you to have children, condoms exist for a purpose.You might the one giving your money, but she is the one helping them to grow up. The fight against the porn industry is a humanitarian issue before being a feminist one. If you have any evidences for what you claim to be true, I am really curious to know them, after all I don't want to be ignorant about the suffering of men as well, because they are just as human as anybody else. No one deserves to suffer so someone else might "have a good solo time".
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2020
  18. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    I honestly have thought about it. I saw a video a few years ago about all the death cause by the industry. All it did was turn me to amateur porn
     
  19. shedernatinus

    shedernatinus Fapstronaut

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    amateur porn is not that different from the mainstream content, in the end, it's never going to show loving and empathetic sexuality. Porn, in general is about using someone, not connecting with them. You will not see caressing or kissing or any of the whole ritual at all, just straight forward penetration.
     
  20. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    When will this myth die?? Women are aroused by gorgeous looking men, period. Emotions I can get from my mother, but when I have sex I crave physical attraction from visual stimulus.

    Strangely, only men keep on talking about women being sexually aroused from emotions. Never ever heard that from a red blooded female.
     
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