Didymus's Daily Thoughts

Whackless

Whackless

Fapstronaut
I find myself needing to ponder over the rebooting process. This process is a set amount of time for some people. For others it is a way of life and they just slap the term rebooting on their progress for the sake of conformity and keeping everyone from being confused.

This is not a reboot log. This is not much of anything other than Didymus's thoughts on rebooting in general.

This is where I discuss the recovery process near daily. Potential benefits, tips, advice, support, etc.
 
Sometimes when you've binged so many times you lost count over the years, and you've made grand progress only to throw it all away in the heat of the moment, you may feel worried even months into a reboot that you're going to mess it all up again. Sometimes thoughts bother you even if you don't act out on them. Thoughts make you question yourself. Your reboot doesn't feel rock solid perhaps at times. Maybe you feel weak and unsure. Worried that you may fall. I was reading movie credits looking for certain roles and found myself admiring actresses and clicking on their names on IMDb. That's not a relapse. But I felt worried doing it and after I did it! My attraction level is growing stronger I think. Why does a form hold so much power over a mind at the mercy of sexual attraction. How can we set firm boundaries that do not get crossed online. How do we not be rattled by passing thoughts of visiting a site we probably shouldn't.

Didymus must ponder still. Do not underestimate the power of thinking. Snipping thoughts off that would lead to an unwholesome action is of dire importance. If one does not manage and replace unwholesome thoughts when they first come up, they can grow stronger and will eventually turn into unwholesome actions.

I see we shall begin the daily ponderings at the very source of ponderings, the old tinker tank we refer to as mind!
 
Ok. I see my anxiety was unjust.

I think my gremlin or issue involves feeling anxiety around having certain thoughts. My gremlin feeds on this anxiety which further leads me into shame over the thoughts sometimes. Other times I just fail to route my thinking to something constructive. And some other times I just abandon my better judgments and act out impulsively. Impulsive behavior doesn't need a second thought.

SO what I want to focus on is impulsive behavior, curbing unwanted thoughts, and exercising constructive thinking patterns when one arises that tells us to maybe do something we shouldn't.

The same thoughts are involved for myself that would cause me to either touch my penis in a stimulating manner or intentionally view pixels for erotic stimulation.

Let's get to the bottom of this here. The gremlin never sleeps. It waits patiently in the shadows of your mind waiting for you to let your guard down. Months, even years may pass before it trys to test or call out to you but if you're using this forum there is a very, very high chance you have a "gremlin".

Before going any further let's get this out of the way. The internet is the perfect drug delivery system. It's highly addicting in itself.

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The internet will not be my master. I'm not sure it ever was. But it damn well will not be. Setting boundaries with internet usage is a great step to preventing unwanted browsing behavior. I will touch on this tonight or tomorrow.

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I feel better today in my reboot because last night was just passing thoughts. I didn't actually take a direct action on the thoughts online, I did not act out. The thoughts just disturbed me and caught me off guard. They were 100% gremlin thoughts.

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Had I acted out I would have been immediately pulled into a life destroying binge. I feel incredibly wonderful this morning however. A little reminder that my brain will change the SECOND I ACT OUT ON A GREMLIN THOUGHT!
 
Don't know what a gremlin is? Knowing what a gremlin is will aid your rebooting greatly and even prevent a future slip back into masturbating and/or viewing porn. Didymus feels the only real reboot is quitting both masturbation and porn. Didymus will post archives of information if you request or challenge Didymus's views on a 'real reboot'.

Some videos to become acquainted with a gremlin i.e. subpersonality. It's a psychological term actually, it's not a demon or devil but some people prefer using those terms based on their beliefs.


KNOWING YOUR GREMLIN IS TANTAMOUNT TO A FULL RECOVERY!




 
I think this thread may become too deep in the well of ponderings so to speak for some folks new to rebooting too fast.

So I'll share these videos. NO brakes are being applied to the ponderings. Watching these videos should prepare you for the coming ponderings in the future without any more need to caution one.


 
It is scary to have something like internet pornography available 24/7 right at your fingertips.

People underestimate the effects. It can be likened to crack, meth, heroin etc. in terms of brain effects.

This is not something to underestimate. People shrug it off sometimes as not that serious, but these types of people don't understand the neurological effects of porn use.

"You can never see the full path. The important thing is to do the next right thing." - Michael Hyatt

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Just do the next right thing in your recovery.

Clicking on any porn at all is obviously the wrong thing to do for recovery.
 
Doctor insight anyone?


"Scientists in the field of neuroscience and brain imaging are showing in study after study that high speed internet porn can change the brain just like drug addiction. This wreaks havoc on the reward/pleasure system in the brain resulting in devastating effects.

Dopamine acts as the neurotransmitter that initiates the drive and motivation to seek a reward such as sex. When overstimulated by hardcore drugs such as heroine or methamphetamine, the dopamine system is overloaded. The same occurs with chronic pornography viewing. Being exposed to multiple, highly attractive, virtual partners and a dizzying variety of novelty, your brain dumps so much dopamine into your system that it signals a molecule called deltafosb to be released. Deltafosb begins rewiring the brain to endlessly crave more and more of this digital video erotica.

Addiction Related Brain Changes
1. Sensitization
2. Desensitization
3. Hypofrontality
4. Dysfunctional stress circuits

Internet video porn consumption has also been linked to the following:
- Erectile dysfunction (ED)
- Premature ejaculation (PE) (lasting too short)
- Delayed ejaculation (lasting too long)
- Decreased libido or sex drive
- Loss of intimacy with sexual partners (because you're inside your head with images of porn to maintain erection or reach climax)
- Loss of interest and pleasure in things you once found interesting and pleasurable
- Social anxiety/lack of confidence
- Depression
- Unrealistic sex expectations
- Unrealistic sexual partner (body image) expectations"
 
RescueTime has been installed. 2 hour overall daily screentime limit allowed, for the internet that is. On all devices. Didymus does not believe in the use of blocker software but he fully condones the use of accountability software. More on this tomorrow.

Didymus's assignment tonight is to establish firm boundaries for all his internet browsing which he will share here. Didymus encourages every man and woman trying to kick PMO to set boundaries right away. Setting boundaries should be a preliminary measure in a reboot dammit!

 
This may seem juvenile but I encourage one to print it out and put it on their desk or fridge! Set some screentime rules now dammit if you have none!

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Didymus will print it out, write his rules on it, and scan a copy to share here tomorrow.
 
Well the list is going on my fridge temporarily until it becomes ingrained but I see no reason to scan it here.

Perhaps more important or just as important as setting a time limit on screentime is digital nutrition.

I see religious talk in this section so I will keep my thoughts secular as we all should be doing, this is a secular community as far as I'm aware.

Back on track check out an app called Moment if you use an iPhone it's not out for Android as of yet.

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Preliminary topics will be the focus of the ponderings for the time being.

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It really doesn't help if you keep your issue a secret offline and only tell people about it anonymously online. This kind of vice just festers in the dark like that if it's got a grip on your life already.

Either way it takes months to really feel like one is beginning to get a grip on their life.

Young minds get psyched up after days and weeks, but if you've been jackin' off for years days and weeks is a SHOCK to your system and surely is cause for celebration. However this thread aims to ponder on a genuine 'boot not some period of abstinence that is abandoned for fapping after.
 
I was searching for a book to share here this morning on quitting masturbation. Yes it's a real book that was published and distributed to young males some decades ago. It's actually really insightful and helpful. I will share it here soon.

Anyways I was looking for a picture of the cover of it and this hypersexualized comic of a female is showing in the image results. Totally unrelated to my search. Do you ever get the feeling the internet is a conscious entity in its own right sometimes and is out to get you to fall? Anyways that's what this felt like.

Didymus resisted the temptation to click on it at first, his gut instinct told him that's not an image you can passively admire. He continued his search for the book cover but this damn image was lingering in his mind! He couldn't push it aside! He gave into the temptation (might have minimized and rationalized it to be harmless curiosity?) and he went back to see just what that sexy image was doing in the first search and what it was from. He grabbed his penis when he clicked and began edging because the image activated his "arousal template" that has been hardwired into his neural pathways from the years of acting out sexually with pixels.

He then did another search and located what comic the image was from and feverishly edged to a near full orgasm to another image of the same character.

While Didymus knows he fell, he is counting it as only a slip and not a relapse, he is not resetting his clean time over this morning's incident. Didymus was in turmoil inside himself over the situation, some semen came out during the violent edging and the image tortured Didymus inside, pure torture. It was just pixels, and A FRIGGIN CARTOON! Why do people have to draw hypersexual toons these days DAMMIT?!

A relapse for Didymus would have included going to get wine, drugs, and then the whole weekend would have been non-stop edging to endless erotica, both artwork and photography. Didymus is with you on this forum safe and sound however. Hence Didymus is not counting this as a reset. Rather a wake up call.

I could have wrote this in my diary I started but I want it to guide Didymus into his next pondering here later this afternoon. Didymus does not ponder here for himself, he ponders thinking of everyone's progress.
 
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