Different levels of addiction?

After reading so many different stories I’m curious if the road to recovery is on different levels for people addicted at different levels?

My husband kept it a secret and lied yes because of addiction but because he didn’t want me to be hurt and to have to go through all that but he told me himself. I didn’t even ask. He disclosed all information very willingly. He wants to be better for himself. For me too of course but he just wants to be better. He was clean over 2 years. And fell back in.

What I’m wondering is with the right tools and help is this easier for some guys to beat?
He is not in denial. He is not angry. He doesn’t have fetishes. Very simple porn. He doesn’t do it constantly and doesn’t actualy masturbate super often. He doesn’t have a problem having sex.

I’m trying to decide if I’m willing to go through this again. Every part of me doesn’t want to at all. I want to run away and never look back. But his situation also doesn’t seem that intense in comparison to what I’m reading on here. So I’m just wondering if all our efforts just weren’t totally done right. And obviously he let his guard down.

 

He did also see an experienced sex addiction therapist. I went a few times too. (That was very hard for me)
We really focused on our relationship. Prayed a lot. And made himself busy with other good healthy things.

 

@JustSadPorn
He was doing all the right things that we knew to do. Because he wanted to. I did this time give Jim an ultimatum too. He had already made the decision to recover.

I do believe he is addicted. He didn’t have any trauma in his life that caused this.
So yes he is going to need to try to figure out in therapy why this is a problem for him.

He truly believed that he was all better and it would never be a problem again and quit seeing the therapist and let his guard down with everything else too. Then here we are back at square 1.

Except he initiated this conversation and want to get better for good ... again. It seems different.

But for the first time in our marriage I felt totally secure and good. So now I feel ruined. Anyway.

I just feel like he isn’t in as bad of shape as a lot of the people stories on here. Of course there is always something I could not know. I really dont think that’s the case but I don’t trust him anymore now that he looked at porn again so...

Im really considering separation/divorce and I’m just wondering if someone that isn’t in so deep never physically cheated has never spoken to women has never even been with anyone else ever. Has never paid money. Has no usernames. Has nothing saved or hidden. No strange fetish. He just likes boobs like most ever man. I’m not making it ok. It’s sooooo not ok with me. But do you see what I’m saying.

Maybe I’m just moving to a different phase of my grief. Idk yesterday I was thinking about physically harming him and today I’m trying to give Jim a way out. Think I need to stop talking. Lol

 

@JustSadPorn
It’s helpful that I’m just saying to much on here and not going completely crazy on him. I’m mean I’ve been pretty nuts lol but this outlet I’m sure is helping tremendously. Over the year besides the therapy we’ve done I’ve never had anyone to talk to and be open with.

Thank you for understanding. I really hope you’re doing well.

 

Yes I agree @AnonymousAnnaXOXO we didn’t know that about addiction. Or realize the seriousness of the continued effort. I may have more than he just because my fear of it. But I think it was not on purpose. Like he really thought he was better. I wish the therapist would have stressed the recovery maintenance more but now here we are

 

Husband and I have always been best friends and know each other so well. I think as soon as he used porn (because he would go for lengthy periods without) I would see and feel his guilt and his disconnect from me almost instantly. A lot of times I wouldn’t realize that it was this right away because I tried not to have it on my mind all the time.
I was rejected for sex countless times. He ends up sitting on the other side of the room if we are watching tv. (Looking at his phone) he gets up for work earlier. He stays up later at night. Would take showers earlier when I was sleeping(to masturbate) he was more irritable. And would stay at work later.

I’m thankful he was honest although it comes with great pain knowing what he has done behind my back lied and to our marriage. We are now separated.

Looks like he is taking necessary steps headed towards recovery but I just do t know if we will be able to move past this.