Difficult relation between parents and adult son.

Sounds about right to me. They are old people that have been stuck in their mold for long time, it's very unlikely that they will change. Focus on being self sufficient and building strength emotionally and mentally as well as developing meaningful relationships with other people; friends, lovers. You are adult now so there is no need for parents anymore, because you don't need to be taken care of 24/7 or be breast fed. All the other emotional needs can be acquired somewhere else. If they are negatively impacting you then it's reasonable to distance yourself. You tried to communicate and it didn't work, what else can you do? Sounds to me like a mental abuse. Just move on. Visit them at birthdays, Xmas and other holidays for a day or a few hours and that's it. No need to keep yourself in that toxic environment on a regular basis.

 

Mental abuse, this words describes so much my situation since the day i was born, and it is still happening now. This is like mental torture. Maybe it's one of the reasons that cause my severe depression. It built up my fear from childhood, then transform to extreme sadness and confusion, then finally it turned to passive aggression, extreme anger inside, from forcing myself to obey to the anger to finish him off, from suicidal thoughts to murder thoughts.

I've seen therapists, took many kind of meds, still my condition is getting worse and worse. I stopped taking meds few months ago. The traumas from childhood must have strong effects like an open would that can be hard to be healed. I read some of stories about serial killers, and all of them had child abuse in the past, every one of them, like no exception. I'm afraid if one day i would become one of them, sometimes my anger inside feels like a panic attack.

And yeah, like Shugi said , keep distance, avoid being in a toxic environment. In the past i always put myself in toxic environment to challenge myself, to see if i can handle it, but it did more harm than good, sometimes it's better to fly than fight. Also don't worry about moral standards between children and parents, i think it's not necessary in this case.

 

Seems to me that you are taking big steps towards healing yourself and growing up. I also spent my childhood with an abusive father who now I know has Borderline/Narcisistic Personality Disorder. Took me a life to conect the dots! I grew up into constat fights, lies , manipulation, a depressed mother and an abusive and antisocial sibling. Well.. I have made myself the same question over and over again: Should I try to have a good relationship with my family? Its really complicated, and also my therapyst told me the same: Move on, relly on yourself and build your own family with friends, girlfriends or maybe one day my own kids. And its true, Now I am my own father/mother. They will never gonna change, they are stuck.

I want to share with you this reddit about healing from abusive parents. Specially meaningfull for people raised by Borderline parents.
I read it every once in a while and its been helping me a lot. Hope it helps you too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbybo...mal_things_i_wish_id/?st=jb37b54h&sh=4603f373