Discovered my PIED & Anxiety when I met the love of my life...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Rex_1993, Apr 20, 2019.

  1. Rex_1993

    Rex_1993 New Fapstronaut

    Hey guys!

    I just registered and thought sharing my story here wouldn't hurt.
    Some 5 months ago, I met a girl through an online game. Slowly we got to know each other and realised that we connect and understand each other in more ways than other people have in the past.
    In March, I traveled to her and was with her for 24 days... and that first day, is where my story starts.

    I'm 25 and was a virgin. Life has been shit, had no time for intimacy or searching partners, nothing, the past 5 years of my life from 24 and back have been hell to say the least.

    After at least 400 hours of talking with each other over phone & voice chat, we finally met. We were extremely worried about seeing a different person than on pictures, but didn't have much reason to other than past experiences.

    We've both been tricked, lied to, betrayed, etc in the past and didn't want anything like that to repeat.
    I drove up to her house and then we met... She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and her smile was just out of this world. I was breathtaken. She was too, we hugged, got into the car and went to have dinner... Before getting home, we already kissed and got comfy with each other.
    Well, here comes the moment where my journey begins.
    We got back to the house and jumped each other... Passionate kissing, touching, everything... But then, we notice... I had no boner. Nothing was alive down there. Absolutely nothing.
    I was extremely aroused mentally, but not physically.
    I didn't understand. We were supposed to have the greatest time during these weeks...
    She got hurt, badly. We didn't talk much after.
    I was in shock, speechless. Had no idea what to say.

    I started researching, googling... Looking for answers.
    Found Nofap, which I knew about before but never looked too much into it.
    So, I realised... Ever since I was 12 or so, I've been MO-ing and also PMO-ing.
    My brain got it's connections wrong... So I knew what I have to do.

    But there was one problem... I don't want to hurt my girl, and explaining it is hard. It sounds stupid to many people because it's so unknown. I was trying to find a way to asap fix the problem so we can have great sex. There was none.
    But then, we thought, let's try <name of popular potency enhancer>, just for now so we can at least have sex. So we did, but not <name of popular potency enhancer>. Something else that's herbal and works in ways that decrease anxiety and increases reaction in the penis.

    I don't want to make this too long so I'll summarise.

    During the visit, many times I couldn't stay hard, which was most often when I knew we would have sex. I got hard, and got soft when it was time to put it in.
    But there were times and places where I was hard and we had really hot and succesful sex. It was amazing.
    I even came a few times, both from a handjob and from sex.
    So, luckily, I'm not even close to being ruined. However, there was still a problem; I lacked the ability to stay hard once hard. It went down really fast. Getting up was never a huge problem, as kissing her makes the little guy hard and just breathing in her breath does the same.
    We were once in the pools in a spa, had no problem getting up.

    Many fights, many cries, many bad moments, but we somehow got through it because we really love each other, and not because of sex, but because of how great we are to each other in everyday life. We sorted it out, I guaranteed that this problem we had will be solved.

    The solution was; Nofap, no P forever, no M or O till healed.

    I've been going strong since 4th of May. (16 days)
    • I've started running, to improve bloodflow in my lower body and groin area.
    • I've started doing kegels, to improve "staying power". (A stronger muscle has an easier time doing light things than when it's weaker)
    • I've researched everything I can about how nofap works, how porn changes the brain.
    • I'm using coconut oil to keep my guy in shape. (He's gotten more colorful, especially on the tip... more about that later)
    • I've told her everything I know about nofap, how brain works and everything about it, she is very supportive and I love her so much...

    Signs that I'm on good track?
    • Erection from; Kissing, sometimes hugging, from breathing her breath, from her touch, from me pushing myself against her. This all means that my brain is partially wired to the real thing already.
    • I have no interest in watching porn, however I noticed my brain trying to trick me.
    • In contract to that, I feel way more attracted to my girl. I am much more sexual and dirty towards her.
    • Anything I see about her brings up memories and it gives me tingles down there... I can feel my body wanting her again.
    • Morning woods that I didn't have before. Esp if I sleep naked. I had so many urges because of this but I resisted.
    Sins I've done?
    • She sent me a video the other day, triggered me to stroke for about five seconds. Caused me to get super hard (Yes, in five seconds) and already felt extremely close to climax. We said, never again. Not gonna risk it :)
    • I saw the PIED "Test-yourself" 3 minute video the other day. So, one day I decided to do a test. (I DID NOT P) I took some coconut oil and tested if I get hard from extremely light touch. Like, lighter than a vagina. It took a while, but eventually I did when I focused on the feeling. Conclusion? Some mix of P wiring in my brain that needs re-wiring and Perf. Anxiety (explains the not keeping it up part).
    My counter may only be 16 days so far, but I've been trying to quit P and MO for a very long time. The past year, I barely P'd and even then it was pretty realistic (so no extreme genres) but I did MO more. Esp in shower. So what did all this cause?
    • I probably desensitised myself, because my way of masturbating in the shower was putting a lot of pressure esp on the tip of the glans. I still have feeling, so it's a matter of time until skin gets thinner and more sensitive. Looking back on old pictures, I can see how just the top half (a bit higher up) has a weaker color than the rest. But, I'm using coconut oil every day, keeping it moisturized and it has a noticable effect on the skin. More color, less wrinkly and looks healthier. I recommend it. I'm more sensitive around the penis below the glans than on the top of it :(
    • MO has kept those P fantasies alive, but weak. I don't think about P during work or at all, so no issues there. My brain needs to rewire and learn that O will only happen with a partner and M will basically never happen again.
    • I did No-PMO often without realising it. Whenever I didPMO or MO, I felt bad about it before and after. I guess these count as relapses from short streaks.
    Anyway, I think that's enough for now. I'm curious how this will be received by the community. Next time I see her we're gonna do everything we can to rewire my brain to her and I won't be allow to touch myself for any kind of stimulation. Just as Gary Wilson said; You're not allowed to manually finish off with a partner. The brain needs to learn that it needs to become more sensitive in order to reach O.

    Some tips that helped me a great deal:
    • This is not a challenge. This is a lifestyle change. Saying that you'll do hard mode for 90 days and then go back to light PMO is counter-productive. Your brain knows that it will get it's dopamine source back. It will slow you down. The 90 is a milestone. An amount of days in which you will make huge progress before it slows down.
    • If you decide that you will stop, it's much easier. Saying that "I'll stop but don't know about the future" or any other wishing to PMO again is not the same as deciding to quit PMO forever. If you decide to quit PMO forever, you decide to quit PMO forever. This will make it so much easier.
    • Have some weights nearby when you get urges. Having some weights to lift nearby has helped a lot to release the energy that urges generate. I'm good at withstanding urges, even when waking up at 3 AM with a raging boner, fantasising about my girl. One time I was clenching my fists hard and saying to myself "NO. DON'T DO IT. NO. DON'T FUCKING DO IT."...
    • Most important of all. Don't think that you need PMO to feel good. PMO causes you to feel good. You lose motivation to do anything else in life because you got this thing that makes you feel good. When you stop PMO, your brain will AUTOMATICALLY search out other achievements. It will use YOUR own skills to ACHIEVE. If there is no PMO that makes you feel better than anything else in life, then you will discover SO SO SO many things in life that makes you feel good. Best part of it? You don't have to put effort into it, because your brain will subconsciously steer you in the right direction that takes you closer to your dreams.
    Alright. Sorry about this long post. I'm out :)
    (Will add updates in the future)

    (I do not recommend any kind of enhancer. The reason I took it was because I didn't want to hurt my gf, so that we can have some fun. Unless you are VERY aware of how they work, it's easy to create an addiction and dependancy on it. NEVER take enhancers to bandaid the problem. You MUST be aware of YOUR problems and know the solution. The solution is NEVER enhancers.)
  2. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

    I had a scan, and I like when you say ''This is not a challenge, it is a lifestyle change'.
    I'm aiming to be able to say 'I don't do that unhelpful thing anymore'.

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