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Disgust -Lowlife

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Liberation111, Nov 11, 2020.

  1. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    I am disgusted about myself. How deep I let allow myself to sink into this low life of addiction and perversion.


    I see clearly how it cause for many things in my life to not workthat could be very beautiful and bright.


    Dwelling excessively in this smud and disgust. Having done these Porn sessions With edging for ling hour sessions sucking in the filth and living such low life I am deeply disgusted about.


    I went through a lot. I understand myself why it started and that all was way too much. That’s all over and many causes cleared. There is no justification any,ore.


    I will rigorously work on cleaning up my life all aspects and areas until all is clean and bright in it.


    My marriage that while having suffered I myself being the cause for a lot of the troubles because of the filth and the blockages created.


    Our business with many areas NOT working clear and properly and many results coming from the NOT totally clear handling and organization of it.


    The condo we live in to be all organized and clean and clear. All clutter either made work or disposed. Structures procedires in place so all is always good in order and beautiful.


    I won’t rest until these things areas are established in this manner.


    It’s the filth the clogged up head from porn and masturbation that is main cause for the dull perception if everything.


    The disgust I feel is cleansing and medicine as it will lead to changing and clearing of a lot!
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021
    Overforme and FreeSam like this.
  2. Stay strong brother, remember you are stronger than this addiction. Dont let your brain trick you in to pmo-ing.
     
    Liberation111 likes this.
  3. FoundTheFreedom

    FoundTheFreedom Fapstronaut

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    Your determination is admirable. You seem very motivated to eliminate your porn addiction. Very good. Have you taken steps to block or remove access to porn? Things like deleting all porn websites bookmarks from your computer and your phone? Deleting all porn on your phone and computer? Putting porn blockers on both computer and phone? You said you are married. Does your wife know about your addiction? I'm not married but my partner and I have been together for 13 years. She is aware of my addiction and I share my successes with her. My addiction badly damaged my relationship as she thought she had to compete with the women in porn. I never said that to her but maybe she thought my addiction was a reflection on her. No, it was a reflection on ME. I spent a few days before I started nofap and no nut November and prepared myself to end my addiction. I took all the steps above to make it harder or impossible to view porn. I forgot one more thing you can do. Replace your Google search engine with Swisscows. This is a family-friendly search engine that will absolutely NOT search for porn. If you gave it a search term to find on a porn site, it will find the cleanest alternative. When you get the urge to fap, I come on here and read and reply to others or I go to the nofap subreddit and read and reply there. The more time I spend reading and replying, the less I pay to the urges and they go away. I wish you well and I wish you great success in your journey to rid yourself of this addiction.
     
  4. Your addiction doesn't control you.
     
  5. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    Don’t understand
     
  6. thommyantalya

    thommyantalya Fapstronaut

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    your post should be pinned and read by anyone. You truly are an inspiration
     
    FreeSam likes this.
  7. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the long feedback. I don’t have these filters nor do I want to set them up. I want to get beyond the point where I need to fight an “evil” and rather clear my head so there is no link to anything wrong. This means if I put in all my energy in fighting something this something gets a lot of energy and I myself make it harder to overcome it.

    for me my way out is to have realizations acceptance and deep insight for example how disgusting I allowed myself to become. What a lowlife and use the energy of this medicine and my determination and use my energy for what I truly want and the clear awareness where low life use of the bright and beautiful sex energy can bring me. Not wanting one because I deeply found not to want it.
     
  8. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. Happy if anyone else can benefit from my own struggle
     
  9. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    My marriage too suffered a lot. Yes there are serious causes on her side. And yes a lot of this is causing a lot too. But blaming her the way I did was extremely off and due to the dull polluted head of mine that I created because I stuffed all the disgusting smear of low life desire into it.
    Everything is seen through this dirty lense and with her for example the fact that she is a deeply good loyal beautiful person dragged into meaningless because of the dull smear cloud I created around my head.

    Everything is seen like this:
    [​IMG]


    I see the damage I did and now created the space so she can recover from me and get well sowe can clear our issues and we can live a beautiful life together
     
  10. You are not disgusting or perverted, and I feel bad that you would ever think that about yourself. You are a normal person, and you are doing great.
     
  11. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    I also agree that you're a good man, as others said in various ways. You simply have struggles like everyone else in the world. Welcome to the human race! You're not inhuman.

    I'm also a little intrigued about your "cleaning/clearing/organizing" speak, which also reveals very analogously more about you. Just like you may have an intense need to keep your condo organized, clean, and clear so as to achieve good order and beauty, this is actually your very struggle from the inside - you want to bring goodness, cleanness, light, beauty to your inner self, which you only now perceive with "disgust" as you state it. And, it's a good thing you want these better qualities within yourself, qualities that are actually already present within your center, but you don't see them because they are pitched over with the black tar of perversion and addiction perhaps, but those good qualities remain there indeed. When you look at your inner self, you are somewhat defocused, not seeing your very center - where goodness and God himself abides - but you see something off-center from that place, your "eccentric" addictive self, which is not the holistic you, just the wounded you that you need to learn about and embrace one day. This is why you must also not fall into an inner obsessives-compulsive trap of striving for a deviant kind of inner cleanliness and sanitation - which might just be an avoidance of looking at your dark side and its wounds. You may want to sanitize and avoid it altogether, especially when addiction fails to medicate it with any success. Rather, the inner cleansing you want is to bring a pure godly light to your inner self, which may even expose the wounds, as with a spotlight, from within. It can be uncomfortable. You may need to travel through that inner pain and discomfort for a bit, and clear away the black tar pitched over your inner truth and goodness, for you to truly come into the light and goodness from within your soul one day. Best wishes!

    .
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2020
  12. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    This is nice intent. But that what sees and writes the true me that can look clearly at what that is. This view is medicine for me to truly get off from the so deeply disgusting wrong use of the beautiful in origin clean energy. This is like peeling off of me what I acquired because I allowed this to become part of my life. I am not cozying up to the wrong view and seek sympathy here for the wrong me. There is a way clearer cleaner brighter person able to live a fundamentally different high quality life as I am washing myself clean and clear. There is also a very beautiful use of the sex energy. Vs this disgusting low life one
     
  13. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021
  14. Liberation111

    Liberation111 Fapstronaut

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    For me important is the deep realization of what is possible. What a beautiful life can be lived and what bright great possibilities there are to live a deeply happy bright beautiful life. Also how beautiful and loving and uplifting true sex can be.
    Luckily I lived each of these aspects and know them and that this is possible.

    I know that from this true self version of me the view and realization about the disgusting use of the sex, the low life this addiction allows not good things to establish in my life.

    I know it is this view that will ultimately save me. It will be continued work in bringing to mind this awareness when tending to giving in to low life and what I am really missing out on.

    This view is also my medicine and my tool to eliminate the unwholesome wrong use of the sex energy.

    This view is also my engine and motivation to reestablishing what I have inside and continuing the battle for continued realizations and means to clear the flaw I created.
     
  15. Nelsonerhire

    Nelsonerhire Fapstronaut

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    Fapped today three times. After 54 days of hard mood. It's all about will power. I will win this fight.
     

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